”May your heart heal. May your past no longer block your view of the present. May you breathe again, laugh again, rest again, live again. May it be so.- Thema Bryant Davis
The hardest pill to swallow is realizing no matter what was done to you or said to you, is that you are the only one responsible to not let it hurt you again and again. No one can get over the pain and hurt for you. Even if you received an apology, it’s up to you to accept it and forgive. Our healing is our responsibility and it has to start with us internally first. We have the absolute power and control to heal. We first have to let go of what was done, who done it, and resolve that we can’t change it. What others say about us, do to us, or say to us says more about them than you. How you respond, react, and forgive says more about you. And that is the only thing we have control over. To heal your heart and be free, let go of the relationship you desired that didn’t get. 10 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS That could be any kind of relationship. Let go of the betrayal and pain that has you hostage from breathing, laughing, and loving again. Allowing the past to continue to hurt us over and over is self sabotaging. That situation has past and that person has moved on. Make a decision to release and let go. Think about how you are no longer that person, you are not what they say you are, and you’ve made it no matter what circumstances was placed in front of you. Remove anger, guilt, shame, hurt, and tell yourself you are free. You are free to love, laugh, breathe, and live the life you desire. Do something each day to live for a better you. Have a great day!!!!!
What can I do to be more loving and supportive this year?
Those are 23 journal writing prompts to help ease some of your anxiety. Be as detailed as possible. Take your time. As you write you’ll learn more about yourself, your desires, and goals. The more we write the more we expand and open our minds to endless possibilities. Happy Writing!!!!!!!
“Just a reminder that you don’t have to make resolutions. Or huge decisions. Or big proclamations. You can just set some sweet intentions and take each day as it comes.” Victoria Erickson
Please don’t feel the pressure to make some grand resolutions or major life changes. Typically any kind of lifestylechange or habit has to be developed. You don’t just wake up one day and say I’m going to start this and sustain that resolution long term. Hence, why most new yearresolutions don’t make it past the end of January. To begin anything, you have to make a commitment mentallyfirst. Instead create small goals, tasks, and intentions that you can stick to for a while and then add as you go. 10 NEW YEAR SELF CARE HABITS FOR A FRESH START The small dailyselfcarehabits and intentions are what builds up to a major lifestylechange. The last couple weeks of December I made a commitment to speak at least 3-5 affirmations aloud to myself in the mirror every morning. Sometimes I will do it in the middle of the day and before I go to bed. This gives me the mentalmindset to remain positive, calm, and take action throughout the day to reach my goals. Setting small intentions for the day or week is easier attainable than long term goals. Instead of saying I’m going to lose 20lbs this month, commit to “I will work out 20 minutes 3x a week.” You’ll find that is easier to follow through with. Sometimes we can bite off more than we can chew. Which leads to discouragement, then eventually not doing anything at all. Think about one thing you want to accomplish this year and focus on that. My word this year is self awareness. I had many moments of self reflection and light bulb moments toward the end of the year that enlightened me on how I show up. I want to continue that to ensure my relationships, career, and life is fulfilled with the intentions I set out to achieve and possess. Enjoy each day, each moment, have no regrets, and be the best you, you can be each day. HappyNew Year!!!!!!!!
There have been several incidents over the last couple of weeks that had this question on my mind. What does it really mean to be kind? It literally cost nothing to be kind. We see this phrase #Be Kind everywhere we go, but it can be interpreted differently depending on who you talk to and where.
The waiter at the restaurant serving and making sure everyone have a great meal with their family is only doing her job. It’s not her fault the restaurant is busy and it’s taking a little longer for the food to come out. Being mean, sarcastic, and rude to the waiter isn’t going to make the food come out any quicker. They are doing the best they can making sure the experience is the best.
Enjoy good conversation and uninterrupted quality time.
The young barista making that latte is probably in high school trying to making a little money while being screamed at about how long the lines are. At the coffee shop, orders are made fresh to order, they are specific orders, and have numerous channels of orders coming in. Walk ins, drive thru, curbside pickup, and online order pick ups. It’s not their fault the cafe is short staffed and the line is out the door. They are doing the best they can.
I love me a good coffee. However, I do want my barista to take their time to ensure it’s accurate, hot or cold, and ready to sip.
Yes, it’s Christmastime. We all have so much to do, purchase, and places to be. However, cutting others off, being rude to the cashier, or causing a scene because they are out of stock isn’t going to help the situation.
I literally had an order cancel on me this week after waiting for a week for it to be shipped out. After 3 phone calls they offered me a refund and said it won’t even arrive by Christmas. Thank you for my refund and your time. Absolutely no need to scream. It’s not the customer service fault shipping is having trouble.
Remember when we aren’t having a good day or moment, we want someone to extend us a little grace. Even if it wasn’t the holidayseason, being nice takes nothing.
I’ve witnessed some not so nice interactions and it literally cost nothing to be kind. We never know what breaking point that cashier or barista is at. So often many show up to work fighting internal battles and demons. One wrong thing can trigger them and cause them spiral. 9 REMINDERS OF BASIC SELF LOVE TIPS
The more kind we are to others the better we’ll begin to feel. What was angering you, hurting you, or burdening you will begin to feel easier to navigate through. The mind opens up to see situations and circumstances in a different light. The ability to digest, understand, and overcome gets easier. The simplest gesture can go along way. The goal is to make others feel good not feel the same pain we’re feeling.
It takes nothing to be kind. Reset your expectations. Have a little more patience. That is all I have right now. Have a good night, morning, or day whenever you read this. It was really on my mind all day to say. #BeKind
I had to take my own advice and pause for a moment. These last couple of months has been a season of change. In order to be in the moment, understand my assignement and what I was supposed to get out of it, I had to give myself permission to focus. Not just focus, but prioritize and make sure my feet were planted.
As I’ve stated in some previous posts, late August I accepted a position that I’d been wanting and working hard for. With that came the transiton of working remotely full time, a 12 week fast track training, and longer hours. Not to mention this began at the very start of the school year.
Trying to juggle the new postion, transition my home and create an office space, and manage school activities I felt like a hamster on a wheel. Along with that, I was still freelancing and selling on Poshmark. Yes, I know, doing wayyyyyy too much.
Although I asked for each gift, position, and blessing I knew I couldn’t put a 100% into all of them. Plus keep my sanity, be a mom, wife, and maintain my home. So I took my own advice and paused for a moment. I needed to reset my mind and expectations. First on the whole idea of working from home full time. My lifestyle was going to change vastly.
I decided to spend Saturday morning 2-3 hours posting and creating new Poshmark listings. That way throughout the week I can manage and maintain my closet. I use my lunch and breaks to drop my sales off at the post office. Next, I accept freelance contracts that doesn’t take too much of my time. Which ironically I’ve enjoyed and been able to deliver great pieces of work.
But I will say that has been the one ironic thing about this entire situation. My self awareness, selfcare, and mental health has been great and heightened. I knew it was going to be a change and I had to work at it everyday while on this new path and journey.
Working from home allows me to get laundry done throughout the day and even get dinner done by the time the kids get home from school. Therefore, it frees my time up to be with the family when I get off. I still wake up early in the morning before everyone else and tidy if I hadn’t done so the night before. I’m able to have a moment to myself, get dressed, and mentally prepare for the day.
I’ve added 10 minutes of meditation before starting work. Increased my reading time during breaks and before I go to bed. Maintaining my cut off time of 9p.m. No matter what hasn’t been done or said checking out mentally and emotionally has helped me keep my joy and peace. I’ve noticed I have a great nights sleep when I sleep with the oil diffuser going.
Because I am remote, and we have to be on camera quite a bit, my skincare has also heightened. I take my time on my night timeskincareroutine to ensure I awake with bright, smooth, moisturized, and glowingskin. In the morning I keep my skincareroutine to a minimum while focusing on my eyes and moisture. Working remotely also has me playing around with minimal makeup looks to make sure I am still professional and work ready. Lastly, I still get dressed as if I am going into the office. Outside of my comfy fuzzy socks.
Now my schedule is about to change again this week. I’ve learned to get comfortable with change and I really do enjoy my job and all the blessings I’ve been privileged to have. I am very thankful for the self awareness most of all. The ability to be honest with myself and say you need to prioritize, resetexpectationsI NEED TO RESET MY EXPECTATIONS, and not over extend yourself has been the best selfcare I can ever do or have for myself.
It’s the end of the year and holidayseason. Before you have a blow up, a breakdown, or get sick, take a break or step away. Ask yourself what is more important to you in this season or journey. What shall you let go of. What is worth putting time and effort into. Have I neglected my mental, physical, and emotional health. Be well.
So many of us are about to visit family and friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Yes it’s fun, exciting, and a huge emotional release to be around loved ones. There’s no doubt about the comfort, joy, and peace our love ones provide. However, this Thanksgiving, go where you can be yourself comfortably.
In previous years it had pained me to see some family members attempt to give an illusion of themselves throughout the entire weekend. From the time they arrived on Wednesday night until they left Sunday we had to hear about everything that made them feel better.
The endless conversations about their cruises and vacations, the kind of clothes or designers they only like to wear, where they like to shop, the activities they do with their kids, and what they are doing next. But never really showed interest in anyone else’s adventures. Finally, in the most sincere way I could, I told them they didn’t have to prove themselves to anyone. When it comes to those who say they love you, you don’t have to try to be more than what you are. You alone are enough.
When you are around family or friends, you shouldn’t have to pretend, create a false narrative or picture, or feel less than anyone else. BE YOUR BEST WHERE YOU ARE
Then last week I spoke to a friend who said they were going to Thanksgiving with their husband but didn’t really want to go because of the family dynamic.
Don’t go anywhere where you are emotionally uncomfortable. Or be in a position where you are walking on egg shells.
If you have been invited to spend time with others this holiday, great. On the other hand, if that gut instinct of yours is having you not wanting to go, making excuses on not to go, or making excuses up to leave early, then you ought to rethink the invitation. Go where you can be yourself comfortably.
A place that makes you feel like you can breathe, you can have good conversation, enjoy food, and laughter.
This week I decided to set myself some expectations. Each day I wake up and get so into routine and habit that I forget to just be sometimes. Yes, routines and habits are good. However, living and just being is equally important. Also I’m trying to check some gifts off the list that the kids gave us as well as for others. Lastly, still settling in on my new position and not let that take too much of my mental space.
Sunday: I slept in. Late summer I transitioned into a new position and it has tested me to no end. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY It was a little rough Friday, but after a pep talk and break I was ready to go. This weekend I realized I needed to give myself some grace and relax. My routine became so solid that I really hadn’t been giving myself a day off. Saturday and Sunday I would work around the house, do errands, and clean. Before I know it, I’ve literally worked 7 days a week. So the goal this weekend was to give myself some days off. It started yesterday when “I let the day come to me.” Thus continuing today. I’m not “working” today. It’s the sabbath. I’ve already went and got me a latte. Now I’m going to sit down and watch football. Later in the evening left overs was on the menu, I worked out, and finished relaxing. After giving myself permission and grace to relax not only my body, but my mind I’m ready for the start of the week.
Monday: I’m going into this work week still giving myself some grace. Instead of trying to hit my 5 milestones I’m going to focus on the one ahead. I’ve made the mistake the last two weeks trying to accomplish every milestone at once. We are given six weeks to accomplish them, however in my mind I have to accomplish them all at once. Because I know I can accomplish them I’m just rushing myself to get there. But anyway, morning routine went well. Temperatures are extremely cold. However, my teenagers don’t believe in winter coats and it pains me. Later on today we are expecting our first couple inches of snow. Of course we’re getting sleet first, then freezing temps, and then full snow flakes. Which makes road conditions terrible. After work, I decided to do a quick tidy round up because I’m trying to preserve weekends off, for that, being off. So in my mind if I do a round up 20-30 minutes after I get off I’m good to go. During that time I had dinner cooking so when I’m done, I could workout and turn in early. My plan for the evening went as planned, however I stayed up a little late watching the snow fall. It was the pretty soft snow flakes. We ended up getting more than expected.
Tuesday: Waking up to the first snow day feels weird. It doesn’t feel like it’s that time of the year but it is. Morning starts off great and heading into work I’m feeling good. I decided to take off after lunch time. It’s something my husband and I do every so often. We’ll either take a full day off together or a half a day. Just to be together. Typically do our coffee run at our favorite cafe. Had a meeting that went pretty well at work today and made some plans for the near future. School wasn’t cancelled even though we received more snow than expected. It’s still cold and the older I get I can’t handle it like I used to. After work I decided to do some errands, cook, couple loads of laundry, workout, and I was able to turn in by 9. Lately I had to give myself a bed time or end time. I chose 9pm. Whatever isn’t done, said, or happened has to wait until the next day. So far that has been working for me. The only thing that has my hands itching, is my desire to put up my Christmas decorations. For some reason Christmas is getting out there early. The commercials, Black Friday ads and sales, and some has started decorating their homes, has me wanting to put mine up. But I’ll let thanksgiving have its time.
Wednesday: So the last couple of days I’ve been have trouble with congestion at night and in the morning. It is the most nerve racking thing. But other than that, my mornings have been great. Each morning I make sure to put myself into a state of doing what I can and not over working myself. The kids have a half day today. We’re finalizing our Thanksgiving plans this week as it quickly snuck up on us. After work I made a quick errand to pick up the rest of my husband birthdaygift. The kids were in relax mode and didn’t want to hang out. After he got off work we decided to go make some errands and visit my aunt before it was time for my son to get off work. We have been doing great so far, even started Christmas shopping early. I decided to give my body a break and not work out. Later in the evening after leaving my aunts house and picking up my son, I took me a hot bath, read a couple articles(I’ve been enjoying great inspirational and motivational articles on mahogany.com), and put head to pillow.
Thursday: I’m giving myself some grace today and taking the second half of the day off. It is my husband birthday. He has a meeting so I’m going to get the kids from school and prepare for dinner. We have dinner plans tonight as well as parent teacher conferences. Work went well. I had a great meeting with my coach today. Making the decision in my mind to change my mindset, has really helped me transition fully into this position. It’s still brutally cold out. But later while waiting for my husband to return from his meeting I folded some loads, did a quick tidy around the house, and prepared for the weekend. Later in the evening we had a great dinner. My husband enjoyed his gifts and a night out. Once back home we had cake before capping the night off to bed. This last couple of weeks I’ve added some tips, tricks, and items to my night routine. The family as a whole fell ill to the seasonal bug. For some reason mine has decided to linger and I needed help to relax and breathe at night. Dr. Teals Aromatherapy Sleep Wellness Candle, Dr Teals Body Wash with Pure Epsom Salt Sleep Bath with Melatonin and EssentialOils, and oil diffuser with Eucalyptus oil. Those combined has helped me relax, get some sleep, and rest. The body wash I usually use as bubble bath. I typically would light the candle about an hour before I plan to lay down right before my skincare night routine and bath/shower. That way the candle has had time to fill the room.
Friday: It’s a great morning as we round off a good week. The kids are excited because they have an entire week off for the Thanksgiving holiday. However, my oldest son isn’t feeling the best. But he wants to tough it out because he has a couple of tests today. He still thinks he can go out in single digits every morning with just a hoodie on. So far my work day is great, my meeting with my coach is great, and I’m settling into my position. The plan is to clean this weekend to pull out the Christmas tree. I like to have the tree out for about a week before decorating to let it naturally fall. Later in the evening we decided to get some dinner and relax. The kids wanted to relax and it’s still brutally cold out.
Saturday: Again I’m giving myself some grace. I aloud myself to slowly wake up and get out of bed. I usually get up, get dressed, and get to working on my weekendroutine. WEEKEND SELF CARE TO DO LIST I always like to use the weekend to do little projects like clean a closet, clean the fridge, clean out cabinets, or shred mail. Along with doing the usual cleaning around the home. But today I said I was going to give myself some time to let the day come and do what I can. That’s exactly what I did. It felt good and I was able to proceed with the day as it came. However I was able to accomplish getting 2 more Christmas gifts. I have this goal to be done shopping kinda early. Because my kids are older the list is smaller and all they want to do is hang out. One of the biggest things I’m learning in my new position is to set expectations. We set expectations with clients, with supervisors, coaches, and in meetings. My expectations I set for myself this week was to give myself some grace. Get a couple gifts checked off the list and stick to my cut off time at night. I’m glad I was able to accomplish that without guilt. If you’re wanting to make some adjustments or change some habits set yourself some expectations. I’m ready to head into next week with some expectations.
Have a great week!!!!!!!
P.S. Weekly blog is designed to show the realistic day in the life of a mom, wife, and working professional balancing life, the kids, work, marriage, and herself.
”Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” -@anxietypositive
This is exactly what I had to do this week. In my new position we’re given six weeks to hit 5 milestones. Each week is focused on one milestone. So by the end of the six weeks, you are a polished gem. Well for me I hindered my growth because I was looking ahead. Why? In my mind I’ve been doing this profession for years, I’m like I can do this, I’ve been doing it. Well not so fast. I kept missing certain points in milestone one, hitting two and three, missing four, and hitting five.
Each week we have a session with our assigned coach to help us. She kept asking me what can she do to help me. I kept explaining to her how I’d been doing it, how I was taught, and what helped me learn. Next coaching session, I still didn’t hit it. It was getting very frustrating and I began questioning myself, my abilities, and even my coach. Until after the last coaching session.
I had to tell myself. Humble myself. It doesn’t matter what you did before. How you did it before. Or the the way you were taught. This is how it’s done here. Adapt, reset, and do it. I need to focus on this way, their way, and their process. It wasn’t anything wrong with the coach. The process. It was me and my approach, attitude, and mindset. Once I did that, went back to work, and instantly there was a shift in progression. In our next session she said I can tell there was something different. 7 SELF REFLECTION JOURNAL PROMPTS
And it was. My performance was better. Higher. The process and day went smoother. I enjoyed myself more. I wasn’t dreading going to work.
What did I have to do?
Focus on week one, milestone one. They give us more than enoughtime for a reason. I only had to worry about the first step not the whole staircase. Trust the process. It’s a reason why there is a process, certain steps are in place, and it doesn’t matter how you did before. The focus should be on how it’s done now, why this process works, and leaning into this process.
It will save frustration, stress, and wasted time. So often we try to do too much too soon. Well that can hurt us more than going through the process itself. We hinder our growth. Send the wrong message. Delay our victories.
The key is to have self awareness. Enjoy the rest of you day!!!!!
”An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others have nothing to do with them. Each day you get to decide which one you’ll be.”- Jarrid Wilson
Yes, you’ve been hurt, treated unfairly, had an unfair chance at life in some circumstances, and may be broken. However, that isn’t who you are, have to stay to be, and have to own. While in the state of hurt, every trigger you have will be pulled. Why? Because you haven’t resolved or healed the pain and trauma from before. Until you learn what happened isn’t your fault and others that inflict pain, is projecting their own hurt, then you’re going to forever take it personally. No matter what is said or happen, you’re going to think someone is out to hurt you.
The best thing to do is figure out where your hurt and pain comes from. For me it started out the blue one day asking myself a simple question: Why do I get so upset when someone assume or insinuate I’m mean, anti social, or harsh? That was a huge trigger for me. For starters I had to think back where that label came from and why it triggered me so much. Once I was able to understand the origin, who started it, and how it stuck, I was able to reconcile and let it go.
Once you learn your triggers, how not to respond, and redirect emotions you’ll be able to understand others better. You’ll recognize that they are hurt and having an episode themselves. Sometimes the only way someone can release their pain is to project on to others.
I can truly say from experience, me getting to know the why behind where my emotions come from has allowed me to be more patient with others and help them recognize their own unhealed pain. The best thing to do is to heal yourself to help others begin their own healing. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
“I need to reset my expectations and give you a call back.” Says my client after hearing a homeowners quote that she requested.
Here it is, she’s being productive and proactive, taking care of some much needed business and housekeeping before the holidayseason and new year. A wonderful client, woman, mother, and professional calling two months in advance shopping her homeowners policy. After previously calling before and realizing it was going to take quite a bit of time, she had time today and called to say she was ready to do it.
We had a lovely conversation for about an hour. We discussed her beautiful home, how we both juggle our multiple roles on a daily, her having 3 kids rotate in and out of the home because they are in college, and coverages for her home. Even talked about her 2 dogs that keep her company when the kids aren’t home because she’s currently single after a divorce.
Once I rounded the conversation and geared it back to the homeowners quote she requested, it was time to talk about coverages. I gave her a detailed coverage presentation and answered any questions she had. Then I delivered the quote and assumed the sale. Right. Well not so fast. 5 REMINDERS ABOUT SELF LOVE
First, she wanted to go on her app and pull up her current policy to make sure she has same or like coverage. I said sure no problem. Well, because her password didn’t work, she tried to reset it and it didn’t work, and then attempted to retrieve it from her password manager on her phone, that left us more time to chit chat.
We proceeded to have great woman mom talk and she kept apologizing for not having her password. I said, “Hey girl listen you are making my day by having a conversation with me. Take your time. This is your biggest asset and we have to make sure you’re covered accurately and you are satisfied with the coverages.” With a chuckle that gave a sigh of relief she relaxed. What happened when she relaxed, she was able to focus, retrieve, and reset her password.
Once the password was up, we were able to go over her coverages line by line. Now her current policy is 4 years old. Which quickly she realized some things had changed over the years. The value of the home, the market, and some other characteristics that impact a rate or premium. After answering all her questions or really what was her talking out the difference in the double premium, she said, “I guess I will have to think about this and reset my expectations.”
That statement alone “I have to reset my expectations sent chills through my body.” First her awareness to not blame me, lash out at me, or complain about how ridiculous things are had my body lifting out my chair. Also to know there is some factors she can’t control or change. Therefore, she needs to do what she needs to do mentally and emotionally to fork out more than she expected or what she was paying before. Redirecting her attention on what she can control. Her budget, what she chooses for coverages, and her expectations.
The call ended by us telling each other how much we enjoyed each other conversations. Wished one another the best and I told her to call me if she had anymore questions. As gracious as she could be, she said she will give me a call either way.
The rest of the day I couldn’t help but think about how we let our expectations sour our mood, day, or life. Are you expecting something that isn’t available? Do you have expectations of someone that they just can’t fulfill? I’ve learned having unfair expectations can ruin relationships and place unnecessary stress and anxiety both parties.
Years ago, one Sunday morning, while in church, the pastor said something that has stuck with me like icing on a cake: “Sometimes we ask someone for 10 gallons of water when they only have a 5 gallon tank. Where do you expect them to get the other 5 gallons? Sometimes you have to ask yourself are you putting unfair expectations on people.”
The next time you feel something should have went a certain way or it didn’t turn out how you expected, ask yourself, “Do I need to reset my expectations?”
