After watching a show last night and a young lady kept saying she wanted to change and not be closed off, harsh, mean, aggressive, and short with others, I was thinking she can’t change until she unlearns to relearn. This seems to be the most common theme amongst those who want to change, heal, grow, and be better. The simple factor to understand at the beginning of every journey, is growth begins when you start to unlearn. In order to be better you have to unlearn all the habits, thoughts, behaviors, and actions that you were taught or picked up as defense mechanisms.

Unlearning to relearn will take you down a road where you’ll meet pot holes, detours, speed bumps, and construction. You’re going to begin to question what you were taught. Why you were taught certain things. This will build mixed emotions. We don’t want to believe what we were taught or experienced was wrong but our behaviors and mechanisms were picked up from childhood. Keep in mind what we were taught or picked up wasn’t wrong per say. This young lady expressed she acts in such a harsh manner because that was the only time she received high praise from her mom and family.

Side note: When I used to watch my favorite show “Iyanla Fix My Life”, she would often ask guest “What did your mother teach you about being a woman?” Food for thought.

Unlearning to relearn takes time and more patience than you can bargain for. Your path to growth isn’t linear. Growth is a journey that takes you down many side roads and some you may have to double back on. It’s also important to remember it took your childhood, teenage years, and possible some adult years to develop those habits. So give yourself some grace. It won’t happen over night.

Relearning is going to require actively seeking new knowledge, skills, and experiences that align with your personal growth journey. In turn, this will open the doors of curiosity and your willingness and openess to try new things. Will you be out of your comfort zone? Yes. But that’s where the change happens. SPRING, BLOSSOM, AND FLOURISH

While relearning you’ll be required to humble yourself and admit you were wrong, don’t have all the answers, and need help. Thus forcing us to seek help and realize we need help to understand, organize our new thoughts, and find resources of support. Relearning is an ongoing process and will require a persistent commitment from you for your growth.

If you don’t know where to begin, start journaling some behaviors and habits you’d like to unlearn. How did those develop, how they make you feel, others feel, and why you want to grow from it. After self reflections, challenge your perspective and narrative about it. Then seek new ways of thinking and being. Finally be patient and kind with yourself.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.