HE WASN’T MAD AT ME

After 30 minutes of crying my eyes out and going for a walk, I realized he wasn’t mad at me. One day my brother called me and immediately from hello, I knew he was heated. Now, I’m still being my normal self because in my mind I know it’s not towards me or about me. “Did you know auntie moved to Vegas?” I answered, yes. Well what do I get for being honest.

He yelled, cursed, and went on a tangent about how he’s always the last to know anything. The family only calls him when they want or need something. I’m stunned and confused because it had been more than a week or so that she moved. She told me she was going to call everyone with her new address and information. So I’m thinking to myself, she hasn’t gotten around to it. My aunt had this grand plan to tell everyone because she was hosting Thanksgiving this year.

Well after about 2 attempts of me trying to get a word in, he said “I see how y’all are, if that’s how you want to be, fine!!” He hung up on me. I looked at my husband and we both were confused. Immediately I burst into tears, ran upstairs, put on my walking clothes, grabbed my earbuds and went out for a walk. My husband was trying to catch me but I just had to go. My brother and I have always been close, never had arguments or disagreements, always one another confidant, and I just couldn’t believe he spoke to me the way he did. GROWTH TIP: YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANYONE

Now the old me kicked in for a minute and instantly said I’m not calling him, I’m not answering his calls, and he has done it for himself. But then after 30 minutes it clicked, he wasn’t mad at me. Thank God for journaling, prayer, meditation, and inner healing. Here’s what I figured out:

He was mad at my aunt but couldn’t express that due to ego, hurt, and lack of understanding. Now my aunt and him were like two peas in a pot. They had the best relationship. He was upset because he felt like they had an unbreakable bond and he wasn’t the first person she told. Every time I tried to encourage him to think about it in another perspective, he shot me down.
Which leads me to, when someone has something already made up in their mind there is no way to get them to think about things differently. Especially if they haven’t done internal work to understand their triggers, misunderstandings, and communication.
This is exactly what they mean when they say, don’t take things personally. It had nothing to do with me. He was upset with her and I was the one who answered the phone. My brother is a self admitted people pleaser, he doesn’t like when people think negative of him, and my aunt is the one who was able to get to him. So he felt betrayal probably.
For me, it’s a reminder that you have to remain emotionally sound to ensure you don’t damage yourself, others, and relationships. If I would have reacted and matched his emotions, tone, and demeanor it would have took a turn that would have been difficult to come back from. In the very beginning of the call I was able to recognize he just wanted to get out what he made up in his head and a response wasn’t wanted, needed, or required.
Don’t let others anger, feelings, and misunderstandings change you or how you feel. Be who you are and when there is an opportunity for encouragement and inspiration then give it. It will be received and comprehended when it’s settled.

I had to look back at this exchange and say I’m proud of myself. This allowed me to answer the phone when he called me again, have a conversation, and continue to be brother and sister. The cherry on top was, I told my husband I don’t want or need an apology. I’m ok. I just want him to get to a point where he doesn’t have to people please and prove himself. What he doesn’t realize is, it was more of a reminder for me to continue to do the work.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

HARVEST CONFIDENCE THIS FALL

By definition harvest means the process or period of gathering crops. Through our daily habits, self care activities, and wellness journey we harvest confidence. Planting the proper seeds for our mental, emotional, and physical health will give us the strong confidence needed to sustain this thing called life. Harvesting and planting the proper seeds are important because confidence isn’t a one and done. Confidence is a muscle we must water and exercise daily.

Plant seeds of boundaries within you. I don’ t mean cutting people off. If that’s necessary then do so. But I’ve learned to tell people (meaning family members) don’t call me talking about another family member. When they text how is so and so doing, I don’t even respond to that text. Now, when they text me and ask me how the kids are doing I’ll respond. If someone needs a ride and I have plans, I’ll let them know I have plans I can take you when I’m done. It’s more about not stretching yourself thin to the point you’re burned out.

Another thing I do, throughout the day, take a break. Plant seeds of permission to yourself to take a break. Yes, a day off is good. Vacations are good. Lazy days are good. However, small breaks daily can become more beneficial and effective. During the day at work, if I notice I’ve been going since I sat down at the computer, I’ll stop, and give myself a mental break. Get up. Step outside. Go to the bathroom. Get a snack or something to drink. Most importantly I’ll read a good passage. My go to for this is Hallmarks mahogany.com. The community writing group is amazing.

Plant seeds of protection. If I don’t want to do something or go somewhere I’ll say no. I no longer do so just to keep the peace. So often I’d say yes because I didn’t want them to think I was an ungrateful person or rejecting them by rejecting their invitation.

A great seed to plant is a cutoff seed. Sometimes I can go all day and not realize I haven’t sat down or watched a program on TV. After several loads of laundry, cooking, and taking care of my family, I’ll tell them I’m done for the day. I’m going to do something for me. This prevents me feeling overwhelmed and burned out. 15 DAILY AFFIRMATIONS TO BOOST CONFIDENCE

Lastly, seeds of investing in self. My night time cap is very important to my mental health. It allows me to put a period on the day and have a clear mental space in the morning. Same with my morning routine. Getting ready, making sure I feel my best to present gives me confidence to walk in any room and offer my authentic self.

Harvesting and plating seeds to build confidence takes patience. Start within. What do you mentally and emotionally to feel confident. Most of the time once that happens it’ll spill to the outer.

This fall plant you some seeds of confidence. The confidence you build will give you the motivation and inspiration to go after what you’re afraid to do right now.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how my story is going to end.”- Christine Mason Miller

You can change your life today. If you are unhappy in any aspect you can make a change today. Regardless of what you’re unhappy about, you are the only one you can turn the page in your life. Make a bold statement and tell yourself you’re going to change. You see, once you speak it, it will happen. It’s not a cliche, this last year I let go of the fear of saying exactly what I wanted or how I want to feel. Once I made my thoughts clear and put it out into the unviverse it was a release. I felt empowered to then make the moves to do what I wanted. I literally changed career moves in 2 months. Once I stop being afraid and looking for the ok, making excuses, and twisting myself into a pretzel. The moment I told my husband I am not happy I don’t want to do this. The flood gates opened. I went and submitted my resume endlessly. Within a week I had 4 interviews. I had so many offers that I had to turn them down. All this to say no matter what it is you can change your life today. CHANGE IS UNCOMFORTABLE

a close up shot of letter dice on an open notebook

You don’t need a gym membership, new clothes, new shoes, or equipment to lose weight. If you’re stretching it thin on finances you don’t need to throw out your food. Cut your portions in half. Drink more water. Eliminate sugar. Start walking daily. You’ll begin to see your body transformation.

Need extra income. Start selling clothes and items you don’t use. Cancel subscription services. If someone wants to borrow your car, charge them. Babysit. Uber. Instacart. It’s out there. Working downtown, I met a young man who does door dash. He says he started out as wanting to make a little extra, now it’s his full time job. He said he doesn’t turn down any orders and he makes upwards of 4k a month.

Feeling a little blue in your home. Declutter. Rearrange the furniture. Get a new scent. Reorganize. Let some fresh air in. Open those windows, blinds, and curtains for natural sun light. Challenge yourself to try new places, experiences, foods, and more.

No matter what’s going on outside, you can change you. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Self care is how you take your power back.”-Lalah Delia

woman wearing white sleeveless lace shirt

When I took my break, yes I needed a break. I participated in every self care activity that promoted good mental and emotional wellness for me. SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO UNPLUG However you choose to self care, is your business. Depending on what you need, your self care will change. Not only do I practice self care for myself, it’s for my family and friends. It’s about me being the best for me while also giving them the best and most I have to offer without compromising myself. Self care will always be a journey. There isn’t a destination to happiness therefore, your self care will evolve as you grow through seasons of life. For me I keep my self care simple. Don’t make it complicated. Listen to what your body tells you. Last weekend we had so much on our schedule that we had a few moments to breathe. I found myself walking around getting a little anxious. I knew I wanted to do something until it was time for us to go again . However , I didn’t want to start something and then we had to leave again. My husband said, “what are you about to do?” I said, “I’m going to go outside for a walk to clear my head and regroup”. On some days cleaning will help, doing my hair or nails will help, reading, watching something funny, calling and talking to someone on the phone, or taking a nap. Whatever you need to do to remain calm and clear, do it. You’ll be available emotionally to handle your day. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.-Robert Brault

I’ve always enjoyed the most simple things and the simple life. In recent years, I just became comfortable with that and admitting it. Especially coming from a large family who likes to do things on a grand scale. Going to get a cup of coffee, having a clean home that smells good, me indulging in body wash, lotions, perfume, doing my nails and hair, and binging on RuPaul Drag Race is everything to me. Some may say it’s simple and boring, but I relish in it. Also I’d rather take several 3-4 day vacations in small towns enjoying the food, country side, and attractions better than a 7 day vacation somewhere. SIMPLE DAYS ARE THE BEST DAYS

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No matter what kind of lifestyle you enjoy, take in the simple small things. The joy, peace, and calm the smallest things can bring will last longer than any large thing you can imagine. I always think of this story I read:

Two couples, one makes over six figures a year, and the other couple makes less than 30k combined. Now the couple that makes over six figures, has a large amazingly beautiful house, 3 luxury cars, jewelry, and all the latest fashions. They take a grand vacation every year. But they are in an insane amount of debt. The marriage is very rocky, the kids are rebellious, and they both admitted they thought all the “stuff” and money will erase it. On the other hand, the couple that makes 30k has an insane amount of savings, they are very charitable, doesn’t have all the bells and whistles, live a modest life, yes they gone on a vacation, and have a quaint small single family home compared to the other. Living happy and joyfully.

All that to say, it doesn’t matter what you have, how much you have, if it’s shinier, bigger, better, single or married, it won’t matter. You can have “it all” but it won’t fix the sadness, problems, or unhappiness. Make sure to enjoy the small simple things in life. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Other people’s idea of you is not your responsibility to live up to.” – Unknown

have a great day sticker on brown surface

The number one reason many are unhappy, stressed, or emotionally tired is because they are trying to live up to someone’s else’s idea of who and what they should be. We never want to let others down. Especially our loved ones. However, even trying to “live” up to a loved one expectation of you, can be very damaging to your mental and emotional health. Growing up my mother had her own idea of what college I should attend. She wanted me to attend nursing school so bad, but that was her dream. If you find yourself trying to prove to anyone you’re good enough or prove your value then you have to take your own power back. WHEN YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM THE DISEASE TO PLEASE In doing so, don’t even verbally express what you are going to do. Redirect your life and path to what you actually want to do or be. When you begin to live in your desires and what makes you happy, the benefit is for you and any relationship. Each day you’ll wake up ready to live through the day. The anxiety of what lies ahead no longer hold you hostage. The relationships that are meant to be, will be. But living for you, without seeking permission, or second guessing is the most freeing feeling. Enjoy your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

FAMILY AND CAREER: CAN YOU HAVE BOTH?

This is something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile now. Can you have both: family and career. Some says yes and others says no. Both are full time jobs. Due to my husband position I was the one who had to be extremely flexible and sacrifice. With that being said, I knew I wanted to be present mentally and emotionally for my kids. I only have them for a short amount of time before they expand their wings and go on their own. Conversations with those of my generation, one of the common themes was lack of emotional support. Having a parent interested them, their thoughts, feelings, interest, views, likes, and dislikes.

I’ve watched some friends and family members raise their children completely different and saw outcomes that support both.

First we have the one parent that says I have to work and pay the bills. This parent works two jobs. By the time she gets home her children are in bed. She hasn’t seen them since they left for the school bus. She says they’ve text throughout the day and they are ok. Are they really? Also she believes they love hanging out with their friends and they don’t care if she goes to work. But for some reason one daughter is always calling her at work saying she’s sick. She wants her mom to come pick her up and stay with her at home. She sends dad.

She says they have everything they ask for. That’s why I’m working so much. I take them on a vacation every summer. We have a lake house. I have to work and have my life. She’s right. But is there a cost.

Then she says there’s no need to go to parent teacher conference. Her kids aren’t failing. She thinks her kids doesn’t want her at events, they don’t care. She and her husband told their son because they had to work 2 jobs he couldn’t join baseball because they couldn’t commit. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM

On the other hand, we have the one who says I’m going to go to every event, game, show, award ceremony my kid have. I’ll live a subtle life to spend time with the kids. They don’t need name brand stuff all the time. She works just under 40 hours and leaves at 4pm because she says getting off at 5pm is too late for her to start her evening with the kids. They have TV shows they watch together. They eat dinner together. She’s the carpool mom and is very inquisitive about their friends and social life.

She says she’s being a concerned mom. She wants to know everything about them and be there for them. Is there a such thing as a helicopter mom?

Yes kids love having “stuff”. But at the end of the day they want mom or dad there. Not necessarily engaging, but available. They want that comfort and security of knowing you’re around. Or else the risk of the kids learning and finding their way without you can hurt them and the relationship.

No one can put 100% in two things. Being present physically, is different from being present mentally and emotionally. Kids really don’t care about the money.

A couple weeks ago my daughter had an award ceremony because she was nominated for Student Of The Month. During this ceremony there were also other awards given for different categories and grades. Sure the ceremony was on a Friday morning at 9am. They had coffee, donuts, milk and water for us to snack on with our kid until the ceremony started. We were able to mix and mingle with the other parents as well.

However, it broke my heart so bad that a couple of kids didn’t have parents to show. These were huge awards that all teachers and counselors voted on for a particular student. They were eating donuts alone. Looking so sad. At one point I even told my daughter to go tell one student to come sit with us. I just couldn’t help it.

When their name were called up, the counselor read the loving note from the teacher that nominated them. They received their award and took photos. The body language and the barely there smile killed me. At some point I heard a little guy say, my mom couldn’t come she had to work.

Yes you have to work. May not be able to get off every time. But unfortunately, the only things the kids see and remember is being alone at some pretty great moments. No material thing can get rid of that.

Of course, family dynamics, finances, and type of career makes a difference.

So can you really have it all? Family and Career.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

DAILY PROMPT

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

The first that sticks out in my mind is navigating my mother side of the family not liking my father. Watching my mom twist herself into a pretzel to please both was very heart wrenching for me to see. Which, in turn, showed me how to shape, navigate, and mold certain relationships. As a mature woman now, I can see how that shaped my views on relationships and why I self isolate a lot.

The next would be when my father passed away. I was only 21 years old. I had no idea what I was doing or how I should go about the legality work. My mother had ultimately chose her family as the pressure became too much to navigate both. So by the time of his passing they were separated. This experience really showed me the true meaning of advocate for yourself. My family didn’t even attend my fathers funeral. That showed me just what they thought of me, my father, and what they were willing to do to show me how exactly they felt. Going forward I can see where my trust issues and being guarded came from.

I can say if you want to know the now, go back to before to see how your views, opinions, and thoughts were shaped when you were younger. It’s truly eye opening. That’s where the healing begins. #daily prompt

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”My goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

If we don’t like the way we feel, we have the absolute power and right to change it. If we want to do something or have a thought, goal, or dream we can make it happen. In no way are we supposed to be the same person we were yesterday, a year ago, five years ago, or 10 years ago. Growth is supposed to happen. Simply focusing on your growth, happiness, and journey is what will keep you at peace. My happiness is my responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. Do whatever makes you feel at peace within, calming to wake up each day, and be safe emotionally. 10 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS The truth is happiness looks and feel different for everyone. Hence, why we should keep certain things to ourselves. I was speaking with a client and she was telling how her and her husband wanted another child. Even though she received much push back due to her being in her early 40’s she still decided to proceed with her plans. She explained how she didn’t let other people comments and opinions sway her desires. Sometimes we have to keep in mind that some people are placing their limited beliefs they have for themselves onto us. Not everyone will understand your happy. They aren’t supposed to. Focus on you. Support others. Don’t compare yourself. Each day strive to be better and do better for you. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

AFFIRMATIONS TO RELIEVE ANXIETY

Throughout the day or at some point we’re all are going to have a moment of anxiety. It’s normal. It’s important for us to have some tools or positive affirmations to help us in those moments. I use this technique when I’ve really connected with a client, had an amazing conversation, and they feel like I truly listened to them but then for factors out of my control I can’t issue them a policy. The moment when that “Due to underwriting guidelines…” pops on my screen I instantly get tensed. Now I have to deliver some bad news. I take a deep breath and tell myself at least 3 positive affirmations. No matter what the circumstances are, we are in control. Here are some positive affirmations to get you through.

I am okay.
I am safe.
I am not in danger.
I can do this.
I am good enough.
I am strong.
I am confident.
I have everything I need to withstand.
I let go of what I can’t control.
I am in control of my emotions.
I will get through this.
This is temporary.
This doesn’t define me.
I am letting go of fear.
I am calm.
I believe in myself.
I am growing in this moment.

Those are some positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself or aloud if you’re faced with a situation you may feel you’re losing a grip on. 17 THINGS I DO WHEN I’M FEELING ANXIOUS Pause. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself you are in control. Those thoughts aren’t valid and this too shall pass.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.