Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

Why Having More “Stuff” Isn’t Fulfilling

Do you have a closet full of clothes with tags on them? Shoe boxes lined for days that you haven’t worn or worn only once? Makeup drawer overflowing, drawers won’t close because clothes is oozing out of them, and more handbags than days, and you still aren’t fulfilled and living happily, thats because no matter how much “stuff” you buy it won’t do the work you need to do for yourself.

First the gratification we receive from a new purchase is short lived. Hence, the reason we sometimes don’t use or wear the specific item. We’ve all heard of the term retail therapy. The shopping temporarily fulfills us to get our mind off what really has us bothered.

Having more “stuff” isn’t fulfillling because we’re chasing something thats unattainable. There is this fictional idea that we’ve created and trying to chase. Have you ever wanted something really bad and finally got it, but no sooner than you turned the corner you were looking for something else. There is always going to be something else desired to fulfill the void inside until we fulfill ourselves.

Most often when we purchase something new it isn’t for ourselves. The new clothes, shoes, home decor, furniture, or whatever else is purchased to get a reaction from others. We’re looking for their reaction to fulfill or validate the emptiness. Thus the cycle continues when we don’t get the reaction we want. We begin to internalize it and take it personally.

The more stuff we have the more our homes are cluttered, the more “stuff” we have to take care of, and the more we are mentally cluttered. The more that is purchased the more the reality becomes physical that we need to dig a little deeper and say “what do I really want?”

Save yourself time, money, frustration, and anger when the next time you get ready to purchase something ask yourself:

If it’s a need or want?

What purpose does it serve?

Everything has a place and there’s a place for everything, does it have a place?

Will it make me better?

Can I afford it?

This will begin the process of you making well thought out decisions that will lead you to self fulfillment and saving money.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

I AM NOT A EXPERT

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I am an expert of my life and my experiences. In fact, my degree is in Business Administration. However, in my time on this earth I have experienced some episodes that has brought me here to share, help, and grow with others. I came to a point where I wasn’t embarrassed to say I’m feeling depressed, sad, unhappy with my career, want to hit a reset button, or just in mood.

Once I got to the point of not feeling embarrassed, I was able to share and not go through it alone. The moment I shared my true feelings, I immediately felt 10lbs lighter, realized I wasn’t the only one, and wanted to make everyone feel good and get better. I knew I wanted to and needed to share with others they aren’t alone and its quite normal to have certain feelings.

The biggest mistake we make is not sharing, reaching out for help, or my reason, feeling like we are going to burden family and friends with our problems. So often we have this misconception that once we graduate from college and start a family, every thing is going to be roses. Welp that couldn’t be further from the truth and balancing that in itself is stressful.

After some reflections, I realized there was a period of time, approximately two years, I distanced myself from everyone until I was comfortable and confident enough to present myself as ME. In my distanced time, I reflected on what was making me angry, what I was anxious about in my professional career, what direction I wanted to go in my life, what kind of life I wanted to show my kids, and how I was going to get there.

I literally began speaking honestly with myself, my true feelings, what I wanted, and why I was making the decisions I was. Then I, unconsciously, began speaking them to my husband and once I did that I knew I was coming into me and feeling more confident.

My awareness was at its highest and still is. I began to notice how excited, passionate, and selfless I became when I would encourage others to live for themselves when they expressed to me they are unhappy.

I am not an expert. In fact, there are still times I feel stressed and emotionally drained. Guess what, that is a part of life. It’s how we deal with things thats going to determine what road we end up on. I rely on the tools that got me to this point when I begin to feel some type of way.

Please don’t feel like once you reach a point of ease its finished. This is a journey without a destination. Remembering the why you’re on this journey, what you want to get out of it, and where you want to end up will always get us back on track when we make a wrong turn or hit a bump in the road.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Healthy Lifestyle · Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

What A Confident Woman Looks Like

The most important trait a woman can possess is confidence. How does a woman possess confidence? What does confidence look like in a woman? What is the attitude of a confident woman? When a woman possesses confidence she doesn’t let anything or anyone shift her mood or lose focus on herself . All we can think of is, how does she do it?

What A Confident Woman Look Like

Exuding confidence isn’t something you can purchase, get from someone else, or pull out the closet. A confident woman have clear career goals with a plan. She knows what she needs in her friendships and romantic relationships. A confident woman knows she is perfectly flawed and love herself from head to toe. She understands her sense of style and feels comfortable in her clothes and you see her when she enters the room.

A confident woman sets herself up for success and when she hits a bump in the road she tells herself “keep going you can do it.” She does her research, she reads and learn as much as she can so she can put her best foot forward. That knowledge she’s researched and learned allows her to speak with conviction, convey her message, and accomplish what she sets out to do.

A confident woman believes in herself even when she doesn’t know it all or have the answers. She relies on the education and experience that she does have and uses that to get her though. She can admit when she needs help and seeks knowledge to constantly improve herself.

A confident woman speaks with assurance. She means what she say and says what she means. She commands respect because she is so comfortable in who she is, her talents and gifts, and what she has to offer . Her energy is contagious and inspiring for others to want to be great.

A confident woman didn’t get where she is overnight. It took a lot of practice, patience, and persistence. Staying true to herself and knowing she can only be herself gives her the freedom to be her best in confidence.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

Are You A People Pleaser?

The most important thing for people to remember is they are enough the way God made them. They are unique and no else on this earth can be them no matter how hard they try. With knowing that we have people walking around living their life pleasing others while they suffer. Some are admitted people pleasers and others are in denial or just don’t know.

If you have to give up an arm, leg, and your big toe for others to want you to play with them in their sand box then they aren’t worth it. You don’t have to over extend or prove that you’re worthy. You being you is enough.

If you find yourself constantly apologizing even when you haven’t did anything or no one said anything then you need to stop. This means apologizing to your mate, friends, coworkers and even strangers. Apologizing isn’t going to make them like you more and doesn’t excuse their behavior towards you.

If you find you the one always volunteering your time and money specifically when no one else wants to then you need to stop it. Just because you are willing to lose sleep, time with your family, or spend your hard earned money doesn’t mean they are going to accept you for who you are. They are only going to continue to use you up dry.

If you never say no or always go with the flow then you need to stop it. Just because they invite you doesn’t mean they generally want you there. If you can’t give any input or suggestions on what you’re going to part take in and go anyway then you need to stop it. Most of the time they want you there to do the work they don’t want to.

I know it could be easier said than done but taking small baby steps builds your confidence more and more. You’ll begin to feel good that you stuck up for yourself. Yes those who are use to you giving in will be angry but they’ll either respect you creating boundaries or move on. With that decision you’ll know if they were really there for a true relationship with you.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

Self Care: 4 Mental Health Tips

There are many factors that play into the downfall of our mental and emotional health. So many circumstances from family, to work, to relationships, to past experiences and the list can go on for days. But there are some things we do on a daily that contribute to giving others the power of draining our emotional tank.

Stop Explaining Yourself

This is my biggest pet peeve when I see adult women specifically, crushing themselves trying to explain what they doing, where they going, why they chose to go left instead of right, and anything else. It’s even worse when they begin explaining without anyone even asking. Which that’s the first sign of someone not being confident in who they are. To be honest even if someone asked you, you still don’t owe anyone an explanation. If how you move about your life needs to be explained then they’re not on your level because if they were they would already know. The decisions you make for you and your family is no one else’s business as long as it doesn’t effect them.

Wasting Your Time Staying Angry

They were never lying when they said it takes a lot of energy to get angry and most importantly stay angry. It takes so much emotional energy to stay angry that people not only empty their tank but everyone else around them. Let just say when a wife gets mad at her husband the entire mood in the house shifts until she starts talking to him again. Even the kids start walking around on egg shells. You waste time that could be spent doing something productive. Not to mention when you stay that angry for some time you begin to not sleep well, which makes things worse and continue to spiral. At this point every thing including your physical body and beautiful face begin to suffer. It just isn’t worth it. Remember they hurt you once, don’t let them keep hurting you by staying angry. That would be giving away too much power.

Living Your Life for Others

When we allow others to influence our decisions we have given them the keys to drive our life. Letting someone tell you “you’re not ready”, “I don’t think that’s a good idea”, or “don’t you think you should wait a while“ are people that you need to keep at arms length. Those are all manipulative, controlling, and selfish ways people get you to do what they want you to do. Be confident in your journey to know what’s best for you and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Making decisions to please others leaves you as the only one suffering. No matter what you try to do nothing is going to make you happy until you live for you.

Staying in a One Sided Relationship

Having hopes and expectation for someone will get us every time. Also knowing the potential a person could have is the most common reason we constantly give so many chances to those who don’t deserve it. It’s true, when people show you who they are believe them. If the relationship makes you question who you are, what you do, or you always seem to be in a confused state then its time to leave. Our relationships should inspire us to be better people. We should feel so much love and support that we have to constantly give it away to others. With no respect, trust, or communication you’re wasting your time. This goes for our romantic relationship as well as our friendships.

These are simple practices that will save us heartache in our daily lives. The amount time spent worrying if someone understands us, feel we care, or sparing their feelings only wastes our time and drain our mental and emotional tank on empty.

They aren’t worth it.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

So today is my birthday and for the first time since I was a teenager I am speaking out about it. My typical attitude towards my birthday was to not say anything or even attempt to celebrate it. I’ve never been one of those that begin the week before reminding everyone its my birthday and to plan a week long festivities. When people would ask what you want for your birthday I would blow it off and not even acknowledge they are trying to acknowledge me.

I’ve always chosen to keep my birthday for me. I’ve used my birthday as a day to be with myself mostly mentally and emotionally to kind of reflect and use it as a day to set goals.

Last year I made the decision by my next birthday I was going to be in a better place, mentally and emotionally, and would have made progress in living in who I truly wanted to be. I began speaking aloud what I wanted to accomplish by this year’s birthday and what do you know, I’ve made huge milestones. To be perfectly honest with you guys that is the best gift in the world.

Most importantly I began being truly honest to myself in how I was feeling about my professional 8-5 career and what I wanted it to look like. I always had this vision in my mind and in my heart for years but never nurtured it. Once I began to nurture who I was on the inside I was feeling lighter and lighter as the days went on and feeling more free. Each step of the way I became more confident, encouraged, and motivated to continue on my journey of living the life that had been stifled inside of me.

I noticed I began saying more often “by the time I’m 40” I am going to be here, doing this, and have this accomplished. No I’m not 40, I turned 39 today, and yes I’m proud to say my age, but the goals I set for my 40th I know I’m on the right path.

I say all of this to say if you’re one that gets down because your birthday is coming celebrate yourself and how far you’ve come. It’s your day and you get to spend it however you like. It’s never too late to hit the reset button. You can change the course of your life’s direction and be happy. Just because it’s what you’ve always done or the safest doesn’t mean its the best or right thing for you.

Finally it doesn’t have to be your birthday for you to celebrate yourself or reflect. You can do it every day and don’t feel guilty about it.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Healthy Lifestyle · Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care

Self Care: Hobbies and Activities

We all have that one thing that makes us smile, calms us when we are angry, and won’t get tired doing. It could be collecting something, sewing or knitting, or having a hobby like drawing or gardening.

Well for me my “thing” is makeup. I can sit and watch video after video on makeup tutorials. I can wonder the aisles of the store for hours examining the shade range, packaging, scent, names of products, and anything in between.

For me though it isn’t about the makeup itself, it’s about the action of purchasing it, taking it home, and trying it out in many different ways to see how I look. The look or outcome of the makeup is always beautiful but thats when I lose my enjoyment. I enjoy the application process of it. It’s something about me blending foundation, applying mascara, and putting on lipstick that makes me feel good. The thought that I’m taking the time to enhance my beauty or see how different I would look with certain products is liberating, fulfilling, and makes me smile on the inside.

What’s your thing? Don’t ever be afraid to tell someone what your pass time is. That is what makes you unique. That is your gift. Something you are great at, constantly find ways to get better , educate yourself on, and never get tired doing that is you.

Most of the time we don’t realize our “thing” is what we need to tap into to fulfill ourselves.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Spiritual Health

DREAM

D-Declare and claim whatever it is you are hoping for, working towards, or desire. Speak as if its already happened.

R-Radiate the energy you want to receive. The vibes and positive energy you put out will come back to you. Just think, when we smile at someone and make eye contact they smile back.

E-Establish your goals, strategy, and plan for your life. Create a calendar, vision board, or journal to keep it as a visual reminder.

A-Affirm yourself everyday. Multiple times a day. Don’t wait on anyone to tell you how fabulous you are.

M-Master the art of being unbothered. When we run our own race and stay in our lane we don’t have the time or energy to be worried about others.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Self care · Spiritual Health

Experience the Power of Being Still

Phones ringing, fax machine ringing and spitting out paper, clients walking in, meeting at the next desk with coworkers, papers on your desk, sticky notes, agendas, files, balancing the books, have to go to the bathroom, husband texting you what’s for dinner, school emailing you regarding re-entry plan, and you just ran out of coffee. Welp that was a day in my 8-5. I’m going to backtrack and say that was happening before lunch time even came.

I have experienced this scene more than once in my professional career. With all that chaos going on around you while you’re trying to be productive, do your job, and focus. That could be difficult for anyone. What usually end up happening is the rest of your day you’re equilibrium is off. There is this unsettling feeling on the inside, you can’t calm your nerves, or focus on anything the rest of day.

You get in the car drive home and begin to think back of that moment in time when the office was crazy and say “what happened?” How many times have you been in a situation to where nothing was said to you, done to you, meant for you, or about you but because everyone else in the office was in an uproar you became out of sync with your being.

After experiencing this more than once I vowed to not ever get myself worked up over nothing. Just because coworkers are having a “moment” and venting to me I wasn’t going to let it effect me again. I didn’t like the way I felt driving home and when my husband would ask “why are you on edge?” I wouldn’t have an answer.

Fast forward to present day, and that chaotic office scene occurred again. “The power of being still”. That is what I said when I was walking to my car with the biggest smile from ear to ear. I’m pretty sure the folks driving by thought I was crazy for grinning so hard. First thing I did was detach myself from everyone. I remained focus on what I was doing, didn’t feed any negative energy that they were attempting to serve, and remained quiet. This allowed me to stay calm and be present in myself. There were even times I was able to chuckle at the commotion that was going on.

I felt as light as a feather after the dust settled . I was screaming Hallelujah!!!!!! that I had the ability to center myself. As usual, you find it really didn’t need all that to solve a problem or get done what needed to be done. That not only works in the professional world but in everyday life. There is so much power in remaining still. Don’t get so riled up that you won’t be able to make a decision, complete something, or miss out because you have lost focus. Then have hindsight looking back realizing it wasn’t what it was cracked up to be.

There is power in being still.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Mental Health · Personal Growth · Spiritual Health

In Everything…Give Thanks

GGive love, time, compliments, support, and thanks. No matter what’s going on around you show appreciation and thanks.

RRelease any negative thoughts, ideas, energy, words, or habits that are preventing you from being thankful and kind.

AActivate your inner power. Whatever it is that you want to do, know you have the power and grace to do so.

TThink Positive Thoughts. Positive thoughts produce positive energy, which leads to positive actions, and positive outcomes.

IInitiate a conversation. Engaging with someone feeds our mental and emotional wellness. Challenge yourself and initiate a conversation with someone you don’t know.

TTake actions towards your dreams. Create a plan and begin fulfilling the desires of your heart.

UUnderstand you are where you suppose to be. If you don’t like the situation begin to understand the lesson you need to learn before moving on.

DDedicate time to yourself. Get to know you.

EExpect nothing but goodness and greatness. Even when it gets tough know there is something greater waiting for you.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.