FAMILY AND CAREER: CAN YOU HAVE BOTH?

This is something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile now. Can you have both: family and career. Some says yes and others says no. Both are full time jobs. Due to my husband position I was the one who had to be extremely flexible and sacrifice. With that being said, I knew I wanted to be present mentally and emotionally for my kids. I only have them for a short amount of time before they expand their wings and go on their own. Conversations with those of my generation, one of the common themes was lack of emotional support. Having a parent interested them, their thoughts, feelings, interest, views, likes, and dislikes.

I’ve watched some friends and family members raise their children completely different and saw outcomes that support both.

First we have the one parent that says I have to work and pay the bills. This parent works two jobs. By the time she gets home her children are in bed. She hasn’t seen them since they left for the school bus. She says they’ve text throughout the day and they are ok. Are they really? Also she believes they love hanging out with their friends and they don’t care if she goes to work. But for some reason one daughter is always calling her at work saying she’s sick. She wants her mom to come pick her up and stay with her at home. She sends dad.

She says they have everything they ask for. That’s why I’m working so much. I take them on a vacation every summer. We have a lake house. I have to work and have my life. She’s right. But is there a cost.

Then she says there’s no need to go to parent teacher conference. Her kids aren’t failing. She thinks her kids doesn’t want her at events, they don’t care. She and her husband told their son because they had to work 2 jobs he couldn’t join baseball because they couldn’t commit. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM

On the other hand, we have the one who says I’m going to go to every event, game, show, award ceremony my kid have. I’ll live a subtle life to spend time with the kids. They don’t need name brand stuff all the time. She works just under 40 hours and leaves at 4pm because she says getting off at 5pm is too late for her to start her evening with the kids. They have TV shows they watch together. They eat dinner together. She’s the carpool mom and is very inquisitive about their friends and social life.

She says she’s being a concerned mom. She wants to know everything about them and be there for them. Is there a such thing as a helicopter mom?

Yes kids love having “stuff”. But at the end of the day they want mom or dad there. Not necessarily engaging, but available. They want that comfort and security of knowing you’re around. Or else the risk of the kids learning and finding their way without you can hurt them and the relationship.

No one can put 100% in two things. Being present physically, is different from being present mentally and emotionally. Kids really don’t care about the money.

A couple weeks ago my daughter had an award ceremony because she was nominated for Student Of The Month. During this ceremony there were also other awards given for different categories and grades. Sure the ceremony was on a Friday morning at 9am. They had coffee, donuts, milk and water for us to snack on with our kid until the ceremony started. We were able to mix and mingle with the other parents as well.

However, it broke my heart so bad that a couple of kids didn’t have parents to show. These were huge awards that all teachers and counselors voted on for a particular student. They were eating donuts alone. Looking so sad. At one point I even told my daughter to go tell one student to come sit with us. I just couldn’t help it.

When their name were called up, the counselor read the loving note from the teacher that nominated them. They received their award and took photos. The body language and the barely there smile killed me. At some point I heard a little guy say, my mom couldn’t come she had to work.

Yes you have to work. May not be able to get off every time. But unfortunately, the only things the kids see and remember is being alone at some pretty great moments. No material thing can get rid of that.

Of course, family dynamics, finances, and type of career makes a difference.

So can you really have it all? Family and Career.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

DAILY PROMPT

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

The first that sticks out in my mind is navigating my mother side of the family not liking my father. Watching my mom twist herself into a pretzel to please both was very heart wrenching for me to see. Which, in turn, showed me how to shape, navigate, and mold certain relationships. As a mature woman now, I can see how that shaped my views on relationships and why I self isolate a lot.

The next would be when my father passed away. I was only 21 years old. I had no idea what I was doing or how I should go about the legality work. My mother had ultimately chose her family as the pressure became too much to navigate both. So by the time of his passing they were separated. This experience really showed me the true meaning of advocate for yourself. My family didn’t even attend my fathers funeral. That showed me just what they thought of me, my father, and what they were willing to do to show me how exactly they felt. Going forward I can see where my trust issues and being guarded came from.

I can say if you want to know the now, go back to before to see how your views, opinions, and thoughts were shaped when you were younger. It’s truly eye opening. That’s where the healing begins. #daily prompt

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”My goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

If we don’t like the way we feel, we have the absolute power and right to change it. If we want to do something or have a thought, goal, or dream we can make it happen. In no way are we supposed to be the same person we were yesterday, a year ago, five years ago, or 10 years ago. Growth is supposed to happen. Simply focusing on your growth, happiness, and journey is what will keep you at peace. My happiness is my responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. Do whatever makes you feel at peace within, calming to wake up each day, and be safe emotionally. 10 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS The truth is happiness looks and feel different for everyone. Hence, why we should keep certain things to ourselves. I was speaking with a client and she was telling how her and her husband wanted another child. Even though she received much push back due to her being in her early 40’s she still decided to proceed with her plans. She explained how she didn’t let other people comments and opinions sway her desires. Sometimes we have to keep in mind that some people are placing their limited beliefs they have for themselves onto us. Not everyone will understand your happy. They aren’t supposed to. Focus on you. Support others. Don’t compare yourself. Each day strive to be better and do better for you. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

AFFIRMATIONS TO RELIEVE ANXIETY

Throughout the day or at some point we’re all are going to have a moment of anxiety. It’s normal. It’s important for us to have some tools or positive affirmations to help us in those moments. I use this technique when I’ve really connected with a client, had an amazing conversation, and they feel like I truly listened to them but then for factors out of my control I can’t issue them a policy. The moment when that “Due to underwriting guidelines…” pops on my screen I instantly get tensed. Now I have to deliver some bad news. I take a deep breath and tell myself at least 3 positive affirmations. No matter what the circumstances are, we are in control. Here are some positive affirmations to get you through.

I am okay.
I am safe.
I am not in danger.
I can do this.
I am good enough.
I am strong.
I am confident.
I have everything I need to withstand.
I let go of what I can’t control.
I am in control of my emotions.
I will get through this.
This is temporary.
This doesn’t define me.
I am letting go of fear.
I am calm.
I believe in myself.
I am growing in this moment.

Those are some positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself or aloud if you’re faced with a situation you may feel you’re losing a grip on. 17 THINGS I DO WHEN I’M FEELING ANXIOUS Pause. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself you are in control. Those thoughts aren’t valid and this too shall pass.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SUNDAY RESET JOURNAL PROMPTS

Sundays are days where many people “reset”. It’s the start of a new week, work week, and school. As I ran to the store yesterday afternoon, I was quickly reminded of that because the store was so busy like it was Christmas Eve. It’s been a tradition to use Sunday as a day of preparation and reset to get through the week. Here are a few journal prompts to help you mentally and emotionally get you prepared for the week.

Sunday Journal Prompts

What is on the schedule for this week?
How do I feel about this schedule?
What was a win from last week that I’d like to carry over and continue?
What is one goal for myself this week?
What was the best thing that happened last week?
What do I need for this week to be a success?
What is something I can eliminate to take pressure off myself?
How do I want to feel at the end of the week?
How can I do something fun this week?
Where can I try something new this week?

Those are 10 journal prompts to get you started this week. RESOLVE EVERYTHING FROM LAST WEEK It’s important that our intentions and expectations are clear. These journal prompts allows you to work through what those intentions and expectations are. As you go to the grocery store, do laundry, clean the house, and have Sunday dinner don’t forget to reset your mental and emotional calendar. Happy Sunday Funday!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

RESOLVE EVERYTHING FROM LAST WEEK

Before the beginning of the new week or work week for some, it’s important to resolve everything that happened last week. From work, to family, health, plans, and what you didn’t get done. Write it down, talk about it, adjust, and learn from last week. One of the biggest mistakes we make is dragging Friday into Monday morning. That’s how we get stuck and trapped into a dark cycle. YOUR MIND AND BODY GIVES YOU ALL THE ANSWERS YOU NEED

white and black weekly planner on gray surface

First starting with work. Whatever happened, leave it there. Try not to bring work home. Once you leave don’t revisit until you go back the next day. Even if you work from home. You can’t change what happened or go back and get a redo. Figure out how you can manage yourself and your expectations going forward to give you the opportunity to succeed. Not just succeed in the functions, but mentally and emotionally as well. Create 2-3 goals for yourself professionally this week. Find a plan to eliminate some stressors, if you have them, to have a better days work.

If you didn’t get to take care of yourself like you wanted this week, again, create a plan to carve time for you to exercise. Sit down on Sunday and create a meal plan for the week. Look at your schedule and see when you have some free time to carve out. Make a commitment to focus on yourself for one hour each day.

Sometimes we need to connect and have a good conversation. If there is a family member or friend that you’ve been meaning to reach out to, schedule that in. Often we feel so much better when we talk out what’s been going on with us and just to release our thoughts and feelings. Purging and hearing someone else’s point of view may help us navigate our daily life.

We’ve heard the cliche, “make sure you close one door before opening another.” Close out this week to prepare for a clean slate. Don’t carry baggage over for it to just pile and stink up the week before you can create any new trash. Do what you have to do to be in safe space emotionally.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SELF CARE IS A LIFESTYLE

I was watching this video and they were discussing how self care is harmful for mental health. I think the misconception is that self care is this “thing” that you have to go find or get. Self care is a lifestyle of habits, tools, and activities you rely on in times of need. You won’t need every tool in the bag everyday. Self care for mental and emotional health is for everyone to cope with daily life.

Also these goals, systems, habits, and activities aren’t just for those suffering from mental illness. If you are a happy and healthy individual, self care is also for you. We all are going to get overwhelmed, drained, exhausted, and burned out. It’s great to have something to rely on and pull out the bag to shake you out of the funk. Sometimes we go on auto pilot and before we know it, life has passed us by and we missed out on some laughter and joy.

These self care activities also doesn’t have to be extreme or expensive. 8 FEEL GOOD SELF CARE ACTIVITIES You have a great tool already, your phone. You can find great motivation and encouragement on YouTube daily, all day. You can journal on your phone. There are many free ebooks and templates you can download. Podcast are great for those seeking motivation and inspiration. A simple self care habit of reading more, can be done on your phone. Download a good book and read instead of scrolling on social media. We can find great exercise videos, plans, and workouts on our phone.

Simply put, self care is for you to have something custom fit for your mental, emotional, and physical health to prevent the burn out or exhaustion. One small daily habit is all some need. One hour of drawing or coloring by numbers is a great stress relief moment for yourself. Rearranging a room in your home is self care. Cleaning your makeup brushes is self care. Self care is endless. Going to sleep early is a self care activity.

There are many great tips, tools, and tricks that many share that has worked for them. Take what you can to help you and leave the rest. Self care is a lifestyle not a one time thing.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

15 THINGS TO STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR

One of the biggest parts of healing and growing is realizing you have the right to make choices and to not feel guilty about them. Often times, we beat ourselves up for doing things or creating boundaries to protect us because it may not be the most comfortable decision. However, we shall not feel guilty for protecting our peace, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Through my process here are 15 things I had to stop feeling guilty for and give myself some grace.

Stop Feeling Guilty For…

Eating some ice cream or your favorite dessert.
Not cleaning or doing laundry.
Taking PTO.
Sleeping IN.
Not returning a text or call.
Making a mistake.
Needing help.
Not knowing an answer to something.
Feeling sad or not in a good mood.
Saying no.
Skipping a workout.
Cutting someone off.
Declining an invitation.
Wanting to purchase you something just because.
Needing some comfort or love.

Those are a few things that I had to stop feeling guilty for. I have to remind myself all the time, life is a journey. There will be twist and turns as I travel. With each step I will learn, grow, and become a better person. GROWTH CAN LOOK LIKE… Even on the the bumpy parts of the road. That’s when you learn the most about yourself. It is so freeing to be able to make yourself feel good without worrying if someone is going to feel uncomfortable.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

Don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from.” -Kyle Freedman

inspirational quote spelled out with board game letter tiles

When we receive criticism or feedback from someone we don’t even know, it effects us more than receiving it from close family and friends. Or taking to heart criticism from someone who hasn’t walked in our shoes, experienced what we’ve experienced, or basically on the same level as us. Just think about how so many people are affected by comments they receive on social media. Before you know it, they slowly change certain things about themselves due to comments. Others people opinion or criticism does not and cannot devalue you. Nothing they say or do holds any kind of weight in your life. What they say, think, or feel doesn’t matter. 6 THINGS THAT DRAINS YOUR ENERGY AND TIME Caring what others think or say means we value them, their wisdom, and expertise. You trust that they’ve experienced something similar, received your desired results, and they have first hand knowledge. Furthermore, those that know our story won’t give criticism in a manner that hurts our feelings or makes us feel less than. So the next time you receive unwanted criticism just remember you didn’t ask them for it and let it roll in one ear and out the other. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

6 SIMPLE HABITS TO BE GOOD TO YOU

We see it all the time, “be good to yourself”, “be kind to yourself”. The interpretation is that it takes a lot of money, fancy material things, or a perfect life. When in actuality it’s the simple daily habits you do for you that is the most beneficial. Trust me, I was one of those that didn’t think the small things mattered. But as I do them everyday and multiple times a day, it is the best free form of therapy. 7 JOURNAL PROMPTS FOR A GOOD WEEK

Simple Habits To Be Good To You

Rest. Simple enough right. Living off 2 hours of sleep doesn’t do anyone good. I remember years ago when everyone was talking grinding and getting no sleep. That is nonsense. Your body and mind needs rest to recharge. Give yourself a cut off time for work. Make a day where you do nothing but binge something on the tube. Rest yourself. Everyone will benefit from it.
Take a day off. No longer do I feel guilty for taking a day or even a half a day. Sometimes you just need to unplug and log off. Have a moment without the kids home, or your spouse. Sit in silence and in peace. Use your PTO. Sometimes you just need a break from work. I know the weekend or the 2 days off you may get isn’t enough for me sometimes.
Eat yourself some colors. If you need some inspiration, Pinterest will give you all the recipes you need to expand your pallet and not get bored with the same dishes over and over again. If you can’t eliminate certain foods completely, just cut back. Simply cutting back on sugar, salt, and processed foods will make a huge difference in how your body feels.
Read, journal, pray, meditate. Whatever you need to center yourself, DO IT. There is so much power in focusing our minds on the positive filling up that mental health bank. Daily practices of mental and emotional self care will have your mental health bank so full that when you do need to withdraw from it, there won’t be a dent in it. Find something that works for you.
Don’t compare yourself. Your journey is your journey. Just because someone else’s journey may appear smoother and better doesn’t mean the aren’t walking a bumpy road. Live your journey and only yours. What’s meant for you will find it’s way to you when it’s the right time. Sometimes we can be given gifts at the wrong time in life, and we’ll lose it because we weren’t ready for it and didn’t know how to handle it.
Move your body. Along with eating colorful, moving your body will help eliminate many health problems. I know as I’ve grown I have to get up and stretch because my body just gets stiff. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. But just work muscles and move your body to get the blood flowing better.

Those are some daily good for you habits that can be done anytime. Being good to you, doesn’t require much. You deserve to feel good inside and out. Sometimes no matter what someone does for us, we just have to make our own self feel good. Be good to you. You deserve it.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.