”If God wanted you to have that pain and grief, he would have given it to you.”
As I sat and had a conversation with an elder of the church she gave me the above response after I said I wish I could take someone’s pain and grief away. When attempting to support someone in their time of grief we most often say things like, “I wish I can take it way”, or wanting to grieve for them. When, in actuality, they have to go through that process themselves. The best you can do is let them know when they’re ready, you’ll be there.
Now resisiting the urge to take on others pain and grief doesn’t have to be related to a death. Much more often, we attempt to take on things that don’t belong to us in our everyday life. When that friend vents about their boss, don’t internalize it, own it, and take it personally. Let them vent and then support them finding a solution to not letting their environment determine their peace.
Resist the urge when you’re lending an ear to someone air out their frustrations about their partner. Again, don’t let that spill over into yours and you unconsciously begin an argument with your partner. This can be true for those who love to listen to relationship podcast or gurus. Don’t accept their experience as yours and then create a situation for it to be accurate.
Carrying the burdens of others can be detrimental to our mental and emotional state. We are eating calories that are empty, no nutritional value, and garnering the effects while said person plate is empty. If we always taking food from someone else, how are they supposed to learn how to cope and navigate their way through life. You can empathize, support, and walk next to, without carrying the load.
To avoid, have clear boundaries of your role and responsibilities in your relationships. Know when you need to lend an ear, offer advice, encouragement, or when to walk away. And if you don’t know, ask. The key to eliminating stress, unnecessary conflict , and save relationships is to allow your friends and family to deal with their own stuff. SELF CARE: NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNICATION, & UNDERSTANDING
I’ve heard my favorite TV therapist, Iyanla Vanzant, tell her guest many times, “leave them alone and let them cry by “themselves. They’re adults, they’ll be ok, it’s only tears.” In order for ourselves and others to grow and heal, we all have to feel the feels.
Resist the urge.
RosalynLynn
Be you so you can be free.
