So many of us are about to visit family and friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Yes it’s fun, exciting, and a huge emotional release to be around loved ones. There’s no doubt about the comfort, joy, and peace our love ones provide. However, this Thanksgiving, go where you can be yourself comfortably.
In previous years it had pained me to see some family members attempt to give an illusion of themselves throughout the entire weekend. From the time they arrived on Wednesday night until they left Sunday we had to hear about everything that made them feel better.
The endless conversations about their cruises and vacations, the kind of clothes or designers they only like to wear, where they like to shop, the activities they do with their kids, and what they are doing next. But never really showed interest in anyone else’s adventures. Finally, in the most sincere way I could, I told them they didn’t have to prove themselves to anyone. When it comes to those who say they love you, you don’t have to try to be more than what you are. You alone are enough.
Then last week I spoke to a friend who said they were going to Thanksgiving with their husband but didn’t really want to go because of the family dynamic.
Don’t go anywhere where you are emotionally uncomfortable. Or be in a position where you are walking on egg shells.
If you have been invited to spend time with others this holiday, great. On the other hand, if that gut instinct of yours is having you not wanting to go, making excuses on not to go, or making excuses up to leave early, then you ought to rethink the invitation. Go where you can be yourself comfortably.
A place that makes you feel like you can breathe, you can have good conversation, enjoy food, and laughter.
This week I decided to set myself some expectations. Each day I wake up and get so into routine and habit that I forget to just be sometimes. Yes, routines and habits are good. However, living and just being is equally important. Also I’m trying to check some gifts off the list that the kids gave us as well as for others. Lastly, still settling in on my new position and not let that take too much of my mental space.
Sunday: I slept in. Late summer I transitioned into a new position and it has tested me to no end. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY It was a little rough Friday, but after a pep talk and break I was ready to go. This weekend I realized I needed to give myself some grace and relax. My routine became so solid that I really hadn’t been giving myself a day off. Saturday and Sunday I would work around the house, do errands, and clean. Before I know it, I’ve literally worked 7 days a week. So the goal this weekend was to give myself some days off. It started yesterday when “I let the day come to me.” Thus continuing today. I’m not “working” today. It’s the sabbath. I’ve already went and got me a latte. Now I’m going to sit down and watch football. Later in the evening left overs was on the menu, I worked out, and finished relaxing. After giving myself permission and grace to relax not only my body, but my mind I’m ready for the start of the week.
Monday: I’m going into this work week still giving myself some grace. Instead of trying to hit my 5 milestones I’m going to focus on the one ahead. I’ve made the mistake the last two weeks trying to accomplish every milestone at once. We are given six weeks to accomplish them, however in my mind I have to accomplish them all at once. Because I know I can accomplish them I’m just rushing myself to get there. But anyway, morning routine went well. Temperatures are extremely cold. However, my teenagers don’t believe in winter coats and it pains me. Later on today we are expecting our first couple inches of snow. Of course we’re getting sleet first, then freezing temps, and then full snow flakes. Which makes road conditions terrible. After work, I decided to do a quick tidy round up because I’m trying to preserve weekends off, for that, being off. So in my mind if I do a round up 20-30 minutes after I get off I’m good to go. During that time I had dinner cooking so when I’m done, I could workout and turn in early. My plan for the evening went as planned, however I stayed up a little late watching the snow fall. It was the pretty soft snow flakes. We ended up getting more than expected.
Tuesday: Waking up to the first snow day feels weird. It doesn’t feel like it’s that time of the year but it is. Morning starts off great and heading into work I’m feeling good. I decided to take off after lunch time. It’s something my husband and I do every so often. We’ll either take a full day off together or a half a day. Just to be together. Typically do our coffee run at our favorite cafe. Had a meeting that went pretty well at work today and made some plans for the near future. School wasn’t cancelled even though we received more snow than expected. It’s still cold and the older I get I can’t handle it like I used to. After work I decided to do some errands, cook, couple loads of laundry, workout, and I was able to turn in by 9. Lately I had to give myself a bed time or end time. I chose 9pm. Whatever isn’t done, said, or happened has to wait until the next day. So far that has been working for me. The only thing that has my hands itching, is my desire to put up my Christmas decorations. For some reason Christmas is getting out there early. The commercials, Black Friday ads and sales, and some has started decorating their homes, has me wanting to put mine up. But I’ll let thanksgiving have its time.
Wednesday: So the last couple of days I’ve been have trouble with congestion at night and in the morning. It is the most nerve racking thing. But other than that, my mornings have been great. Each morning I make sure to put myself into a state of doing what I can and not over working myself. The kids have a half day today. We’re finalizing our Thanksgiving plans this week as it quickly snuck up on us. After work I made a quick errand to pick up the rest of my husband birthdaygift. The kids were in relax mode and didn’t want to hang out. After he got off work we decided to go make some errands and visit my aunt before it was time for my son to get off work. We have been doing great so far, even started Christmas shopping early. I decided to give my body a break and not work out. Later in the evening after leaving my aunts house and picking up my son, I took me a hot bath, read a couple articles(I’ve been enjoying great inspirational and motivational articles on mahogany.com), and put head to pillow.
Thursday: I’m giving myself some grace today and taking the second half of the day off. It is my husband birthday. He has a meeting so I’m going to get the kids from school and prepare for dinner. We have dinner plans tonight as well as parent teacher conferences. Work went well. I had a great meeting with my coach today. Making the decision in my mind to change my mindset, has really helped me transition fully into this position. It’s still brutally cold out. But later while waiting for my husband to return from his meeting I folded some loads, did a quick tidy around the house, and prepared for the weekend. Later in the evening we had a great dinner. My husband enjoyed his gifts and a night out. Once back home we had cake before capping the night off to bed. This last couple of weeks I’ve added some tips, tricks, and items to my night routine. The family as a whole fell ill to the seasonal bug. For some reason mine has decided to linger and I needed help to relax and breathe at night. Dr. Teals Aromatherapy Sleep Wellness Candle, Dr Teals Body Wash with Pure Epsom Salt Sleep Bath with Melatonin and EssentialOils, and oil diffuser with Eucalyptus oil. Those combined has helped me relax, get some sleep, and rest. The body wash I usually use as bubble bath. I typically would light the candle about an hour before I plan to lay down right before my skincare night routine and bath/shower. That way the candle has had time to fill the room.
Friday: It’s a great morning as we round off a good week. The kids are excited because they have an entire week off for the Thanksgiving holiday. However, my oldest son isn’t feeling the best. But he wants to tough it out because he has a couple of tests today. He still thinks he can go out in single digits every morning with just a hoodie on. So far my work day is great, my meeting with my coach is great, and I’m settling into my position. The plan is to clean this weekend to pull out the Christmas tree. I like to have the tree out for about a week before decorating to let it naturally fall. Later in the evening we decided to get some dinner and relax. The kids wanted to relax and it’s still brutally cold out.
Saturday: Again I’m giving myself some grace. I aloud myself to slowly wake up and get out of bed. I usually get up, get dressed, and get to working on my weekendroutine. WEEKEND SELF CARE TO DO LIST I always like to use the weekend to do little projects like clean a closet, clean the fridge, clean out cabinets, or shred mail. Along with doing the usual cleaning around the home. But today I said I was going to give myself some time to let the day come and do what I can. That’s exactly what I did. It felt good and I was able to proceed with the day as it came. However I was able to accomplish getting 2 more Christmas gifts. I have this goal to be done shopping kinda early. Because my kids are older the list is smaller and all they want to do is hang out. One of the biggest things I’m learning in my new position is to set expectations. We set expectations with clients, with supervisors, coaches, and in meetings. My expectations I set for myself this week was to give myself some grace. Get a couple gifts checked off the list and stick to my cut off time at night. I’m glad I was able to accomplish that without guilt. If you’re wanting to make some adjustments or change some habits set yourself some expectations. I’m ready to head into next week with some expectations.
Have a great week!!!!!!!
P.S. Weekly blog is designed to show the realistic day in the life of a mom, wife, and working professional balancing life, the kids, work, marriage, and herself.
”The way you think and feel about yourself determines everything that happens to you.”- @thejustbelievejourney
I saw this and couldn’t agree more. The older I get, the more I understand and know the importance of telling yourself good things and speaking positively to yourself. Also, what you think and tell yourself about situations and events in your life will determine how you travel through them. Definitely when faced with adversity telling yourself you’ll get through it and it will work out is the first thing you should say to yourself. That puts the thought and energy into your mind and body to let the situation take it’s course and remain positive. Staying busy to keep your mind off of it, and trying not to control the situation will help keep you on the positive track. On the other hand, when you have a victory or good news, it’s equally important to embrace it and enjoy your hard work. But don’t just stop there. God blessed you with what you asked for but don’t stop being humble and gracious. 9 REMINDERS OF BASIC SELF LOVE TIPS Either way, what you tell yourself in every situation determines your attitude, how the day will go, and how your life will eventually go. I know it’s difficult, but try to turn your negative thoughts and words into positives. Your mental health will thank you for it. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
Sometimes there could be so much going on that you don’t know where to begin. Trying to keep up with work, family, activities, and yourself gets overwhelming. A good journalexercise to do is a brain dump. Just dump all your emotions, feelings, and questions into the exercise to free your mind up.
When was the last time I went to the movies or out to dinner?
Those are just a couple of brain dump prompts to help you clear some head space. When journaling don’t just say yes or no. Or give an answer. Go into detail as to why you want a certain meal. How come you want to go to a certain restaurant or see a movie. I know it may sound crazy, but diving into the why is the true part of healing, growing, and learning about you.
The short answer is, your happiness will forever be based off what others think you’re worth, what you have to offer, and how they think you should be living your life.
Having the beliefs that you must be loved by everyone to be happy stems from a lack of selfconfidence, self esteem, and self worth. That means you are basing the value of your life on what others approve. In order to belief that everyone has to love you, you are seeking their approval and validation.
What happens when you consistently seek others approval and validation? You are living a life that other people think you should live. You aren’t making decisions for yourself. When it’s time to make a decision, you aren’t confident. Or, you don’t want the decision you make to offend other people or hurt their feelings. Although, it is the best choice for you.
Along with seeking validation, you’re going to forever be on a hamster wheel running for your life. Depending on who is around, that is how you’re going to answer, be, or exist. In short, you shift whichever way the wind blows. One day you’re going left, and the next you’re going right.
You aren’t thinking for yourself. Believing that everyone has to love you requires you to live for others happiness. If you are living to please others and make sure they are happy, your happiness gets put to the side. What you want in life and what makes you happy is different from others. No two people will want the same in life or go down the same path. It’s impossible to please everyone. KEY TO HAPPINESS: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness but yours.
If someone gets upset because you made a decision that benefits you, then they aren’t worthy of having a space in your life. You’re being emotionally manipulated. The demands, requests, and asks become increasingly inconvenient, unreasonable, and disrespectful. They will require more time than you have to give. Along with other resources such as money, belongings, favors, and your space.
People pleasing leads to depression because you will become mentally and emotionally fatigued. Eventually you won’t be able to keep up with the demands of everyone. You’ll feel like you’re on a never ending cycle. No matter what you do or how much you give, it won’t be enough. You will deplete yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. In the long run, you may begin to question what is right, what is normal.
As your physical health declines due to lack of nutrition, sleep, fatigue, and second guessing your mental health will suffer. Your ability to think things through is no longer there. You may become short fused, you’ve probably missed time with loved ones who really care about you. Most of the timerelationships has suffered because they’ve warned you about said people.
Lastly, when you have given your soul and you have nothing left to give, those people that you thought loved you are long gone. When you are in need, you have absolutely no one to call on. That leads to a dark path of depression and anxiety. Now you are in rebuild mode, yourself and relationships you’ve lost. HAPPINESS ISN’T A DESTINATION
Love yourself first. Love you enough to know that no one that really cares about you or your wellbeing will put unreasonable demands on you. It is perfectly ok to say no. Boundaries are a necessity in every relationship. Your boundaries are promises to yourself. Trust yourself enough to get you through. Be your own best friend first and build a great relationship with yourself. That way you know what you want and expect out of others.
The one thing that stays in the front of my mind, is to always be in control of your emotions. Our emotions can cause us to make a decision that will lead to a snowball of other hurdles. Remaining calm, staying true to who you are, and knowing who you are is a major key.
-Allow yourself the grace and give yourself permission to say I’m going through something right now. A change is happening or there is a speed bump ahead and I’m scared. You may not even know how or when you’re going to get over that bump, but the sheer acknowledgement gives a clear pathway.
-Don’t make any quick or rational decisions. If you can or have the opportunity to, take a moment, hour, or day before responding. Giving yourself some time to step away and clear the lens will allow for a better understanding and thought process.
-Do something for you. Find an activity or hobby to get your mind off of what is going on. Have a refocus and a distraction. Exercise is always a good distraction because you’re also releasing tension. Whatever makes you happy or laugh do it.
-Find a positive. There is something in every situation that is a positive. Find the lesson. What are you supposed to take away? That is going to be the greatest gift of all. 8 FEEL GOOD SELF CARE ACTIVITIES
-Have a good night routine to wash the day away. Cleanse your mind, body, and spirit. The most harmful we can do is to take the days events into the next.
-Finally change is good. Change is needed. Without change we would not grow. Embracechange. Going through change is a sign that bigger and better is on your way. Open your mind to new possibilities. The more we fight change the harder it will seem.
Those are just a couple of tips to help maintain an emotional stable balance daily. Take it one day at time. If you can’t do everything you’d like to do in a day, then don’t. Whatever your emotional tank allows you to do then do it and leave the rest for a better day. We only get so much emotionalenergy in a day. Use it wisely.
”Every fall is an opportunity to refocus.”- Anna Greenberg
A major key to happiness is to not be afraid to fall. So often we don’t try because we’re afraid of “failing”. However, what hurts more than trying and failing, is to not try at all. Not trying at all will lead to a lifetime of suppressing, questioning, and trying to fill a void that only one thing can. So what if you tried and it didn’t work out. What’s the worst that can happen? Nothing. You learned what you like and what you don’t. You’ve gained knowledge, wisdom, and experience on what you’re good at and what you may need help with. Which gives you the upper hand the next time you do step out on a limb and fulfill your dreams. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER What are you afraid of? People laughing. Saying I told you so. Starting over. Other people don’t define you or your success. Having a fall doesn’t define you either. It actually show just how much stamina you have to get up again and again. No matter what you want to do in life, try. There is no harm in trying and falling. The most successful people out there have started many businesses before they knew how to be good at running that one successful business you see. Have a great Sunday!!!!!!!
One of the best ways to dump a bad day is to journal about it before going to bed. Releasing and dumping all the bad from a day is great for you not to carry it over into the next. Also you will be able to have a good nights rest and sleep. Lastly, it will give you some insight on how to handle different emotions as they come again.
What happened today that made me upset, cry, angry, sad, or hurt? Whatever happened or emotions you felt, explain them in great detail. This is your venting sessions. So let it all out.
I responded or reacted to said emotions by doing…How did you handle the days events. Did you lash out at someone? Hold it in. Let it effect your work day. Explain.
What did I learn? What did you learn from how you responded? What did you learn about the events that unfolded?
How will I handle these emotions in the future? Are there any new triggers you learned about yourself?
What do I need to let go of? Purge whatever it is you need to let go of. Do you need to forgive and move on.
Those are six journal prompts that always help me at the end of the day that I felt overwhelmed about. Try these journal prompts to help you get through your tough days or times. As always the purpose of the journaling is to get out the negative energy. One of the best ways to maintain a good mental and emotional balance, is to talk about your feelings, good or bad.
If you’ve been working on yourself, journaling, and seeking help then you’re probably experiencing some changes in how you think or approach situations. You are growing and don’t really know what’s happening. Well growth can look and be different on everyone. However, here are some signs you might be on the up and up.
-It has become easier to set boundaries, implement them, and see them through. You no longer are willing to accept mistreatment for the sake of keeping peace. Also, your boundaries may become stronger and wider.
-You no longer run from your emotions. Lie about how you feel. Or minimize the effect something or someone has on you. Good or bad you sit in your emotions, understand why you’re having the emotion, and grow through it.
-It has become easier and comfortable to talk about how you feel. You seek help or let someone know you need to talk. When someone asks how you’re feeling you are honest and say so. Asking for help can look like getting a therapist, journaling , talking to a friend, inspirational music, or videos.
-You know what your insecurities are, where they come from, and how they show up in your life. You’ve went to the dark place to figure out why comments, people, or situations get an arise out of you. Then you are wanting to correct those negative habits. That is what growth looks like.
-Your sympathy and empathy for others have shown through. You don’t make judgments or pass criticism on others. You attempt to understand how they feel and why they feel the way they do. Your empathy moves you to motivate and encourage them through their process.
-When you are triggered you no longer respond or react. The work have shown you what your triggers are, why they are there, and how to conquer them. It’s easier to move past an unwanted comment or situation.
-You seek deeper relationships with others and want to present your authentic self. You no longer hide or seek solitude. There are excitement to go out and communicate with others. Also your ability to converse with strangers comes easier.
Those are some tips that will help you to know you’re on the path to healing. Many of these tips I have seen in myself and continue to see growth. When you make progress or notice a change be sure to make note of it or journal your experience.
This new position has tested me. I went from being licensed in one state to being licensed in 50 states. Is this an opportunity of a lifetime, absolutely, but that comes with a great deal of unknown. I’ve had to sit and be still while the administrative portion plays out. I was being tested and didn’t even know it.
I had a moment where my license weren’t ready in most states. Therefore, I couldn’t perform and do my job. What was I to do? Doubt, discouragement, and a lot of questioning took place. However, I had an light bulb moment. I was tasked to monitor and take notes of another agent. In that moment I realized, Roz you’re being tested.
At first I felt like I had nothing to offer, nothing to do, and it was a waste of my time. But then I turned that into this is going to give me a leg up. I get to watch and hear someone else go through their growing pains. Make notes for myself on what I would do and not do in certain situations.
Next I was able to do what I love to do outside of my corporate job, and that’s motivate. With each call and client I was able to give her positive feedback, encouragement, and pep talk to get her through it. After the second day, I realized what I wanted to do next in this position. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time bonding and cheering on someone.
By the third day, I had a meeting with my coach to give my six months plans. Within a year or so their goal is to have you promoted. Not having my license in and having to monitor another agent, I was able to figure out my next move within this company. QUICK MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATIONAL TIP
Even when you feel like you have nothing to give, the steps God have you taking you don’t see the point, stay the course. Pass the test. Do your best while you are still. It’s going to set you up for your next step in life. No matter where you are, be the best right there. Each step is necessary for you to progress, learn, and grow. Skipping steps or not giving your all will make the journey just that much more difficult.
You can do nothing and be productive. Offering support is being productive. Waiting patiently and excitedly is being productive. Don’t give up because the process isn’t playing out how you think it should. Or if you have a bump in road. Stay the course.