THE HARD THING ABOUT BOUNDARIES

We’ve heard a million people say set boundaries. But setting boundaries isn’t the hard part. The hard thing about boundaries is keeping them and implementing said consequences if someone crosses a boundary.

I think we’ve all said we’re done with someone or a situation and even knew how we were going to handle it in the future. But when that next time came, we got cold feet. We second guess ourselves. The thought of cutting someone off, give us anxiety. We begin to worry about hurting their feelings. Especially if its a close friend or family member. We begin to question if we’re the one’s being too sensitive or overreacting. Having the guts or courage to let someone know they have hurt your feelings brings you embarrassment. You just don’t want to ruffle anyone’s feather. Or cause a scene. Be the person that ruins the dinner, holiday, or trip.

But guess what, that second guessing is what go us to this point. We know how we feel, we know what we need and want, but refuse to say it out of fear. What if you attempt to implement the consequences and it’s not received? The sad part is we are willing to continue to sacrifice our feelings to spare someone else’s. That’s not ok. Putting your feelings and boundaries first is a for sure way to demand respect in a respectful manner. It’s ok to tell others ”you’ve gone too far.”

The first thing to do when setting boundaries is to let them know if you do this, it makes me feel like this, and therefore I would have to do this to protect myself. Protect Your Peace And Energy Make it clear what the boundary is not to cross. Then be specific of what said consequence is for that boundary being crossed. That way when you do have to take action, it doesn’t come as a surprise.

Next, start with realistic consequences that you feel comfortable implementing and sticking to. As time goes on you’ll develop the confidence to be stronger. We often make the mistake of starting off big because we’re so angry but it sets us up to fall hard. Remember it’s just as equally emotional for you to even create said boundaries with certain people.

In your journey of healing and life, boundaries are necessary. Creating them is easy. But the hard thing about boundaries is implementing the consequence. Start at a place where you are confident to handle and make no apologies for. When setting and implementing boundaries we can’t get cold feet, a shaky voice, or apologize before doing it.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

FEAR IS A WASTE OF TIME

So really quick, this wasn’t a planned post but getting over fear feels amazing. Fear is a waste of time. And I want everyone to take a leap and go for it.

Recently, I had been making goals for the next year. Nothing too extravagant, but I wanted to add another stream of income. Years ago, I found myself being an personal assistant to a broker and absolutely fell in love with that job. I flourished, the office thrived, and I learned a lot about myself. That position taught me so much about business, time management, multitasking, problem solving, and so many other things.

Fast forward to this year, I created a profile on Uprwork just to have fun. Really quick, Upwork is a place for Freelancers to land gigs. I thought it would be fun to do mini tasks, help others out, polish some skills, learn some new skills, all while making a little extra money. Now I had the profile for a while. I would log in, look at potential clients, and talk myself out of it.

For the last couple of days, I’ve had this urge to kick things into gear, challenge myself, and get things started before the new year. So today while I’m at work, I decided to jump all in, and logged into Upwork, and submitted proposals for potential clients. I didn’t think nothing of it. I thought I’d get looked over, and nothing would come of it.

Well within literally 10 minutes, I had offers and contracts to accept or deny. The disbelief was hard to mask. I began to silently panic sitting at my desk. I literally said “what have I done.” It was exciting but I started second guessing my talents and abilities. Saying things like what if they aren’t satisfied and they give me a bad review. Fear is a waste of time.

Either way, I accepted the contract, calmed myself down, and prayed because I was so filled with gratitude. I was grateful for the opportunities and finally having the guts to go for it. For a milisecond, I was mad at myself, like, why have I waited for so long.

I came home, completed the first task, submitted it, and they loved it. 👏🏾That gave me so much confidence I just started submitting proposals to all jobs I had saved but never had the guts to go forward with.

All that to say, you can have everything you want, when you throw fear out the window. Fear is paralyzing, makes you second guess, and is a waste of time. The first thing I said was ”and I’ve been scared for nothing.” Is it scary stepping out on a limb, absolutely. But we must take that step no matter how small it is, to get closer to our goals. KEEP GOING AND PUSH YOURSELF

Whatever it is, that you have been wanting to do, just do it. You never know how it will turn out if you always postponing, talking yourself out of it, and pushing it away. As I encourage myself to keep going, I encourage you to do the same.

The feeling of conquering fear, is liberating. You feel like you’ve lost weight. Conquering fear is an instant confidence booster. You feel good about yourself and have motivation to keep going. Fear is a waste of time.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

GROWTH TIP: YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANYONE

As I’ve grown, there have been many life lessons and takeaways that have stuck with me. The one that keeps coming up as of late, is ”you can learn from anyone.” I think we put ourselves in box when we only focus on those that compliment us.

I had this light bulb years ago when some of my best business advice and life advice came from bosses that may not have had the best regards from their employees. I’ll never forget one time, I was in a meeting and my general manager informed me of a decision he made. In the next sentence he said “it’s not what everyone wants, but I can’t do what everyone wants me to do. I was hired to do a job and that’s what I’m going to do. They have a choice to live with it or not.”

At the onset, you kind of clutch your pearls. But as I sat at my desk, I realized he’s right. EMOTIONAL HEALING: OPEN YOUR MIND FOR UNDERSTANDING You can’t make decisions based off your emotions or others emotions for that matter. Just because someone wants you to make a certain decision, doesn’t mean you have to. Because that’s the best decision for them doesn’t mean that’s the best for you. Your emotions will lead you astray. One day you’re happy, and the next you’re sad.

That is all to say, we can literally learn a lesson from anyone. Some of your best life lessons will come from those who have wronged you, misunderstood you, or neglected you. In a sense, we should give a little more attention to those life lessons. They will teach us what our triggers are, what we’re lacking emotionally, and what we need to work on within ourselves.

Get yourself out of the rut by asking yourself what can I learn from what this person said to me. If someone has wronged you, ask yourself why are you offended, what made them feel comfortable saying what they said, and how did my response escalate or deescalate the situation. What does your reaction to certain instances say about yourself. One great way to see where we need work, is to look at how we respond to offenses. It says more about us, than the person who is giving the offense. On the other hand, watching how someone else responds lets you know where they are mentally and emotionally.

These are all life lessons that we can learn from others. Just because you don’t agree with someone, don’t be so quick to throw them away. Take a lesson, grow, and then move on.

The key is to watch, listen, and learn for motivation. Not to compare yourself to another person, condemn them, or demean anyone.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

4 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE ON THE PATH OF HEALING

We have so much material on how to know we’re suffering from a mental or emotional breakdown. However, there are signs to know when you’ve grown. Here are a couple of emotional wellness tips to know when you’ve grown.

First the things that used to trigger you no longer has an effect on you. You know you’ve grown emotionally when you don’t even realized you’ve experience a trigger that you used to have. The things that used to set you off, get you sad, or make you withdrawn doesn’t even touch you. This means you’ve reached a point to where you acknowledge the trigger, understand it, and let it go.

The second way to know you’ve grown emotionally is you respond with grace. You aren’t mad or upset. The desire to be sarcastic or prove your point isn’t there. You are at peace with the situation or relationship. You can wish them well, be in the same room, and your energy isn’t off. That person doesn’t have power over you. You’ve regained your control back.

Thirdly, your mind isn’t constantly occupied with the what ifs. You know longer think about what could have been. Nor do you think how you should have responded or what you wish you would have said. The idea of being anxious about a situation isn’t weighing you down.

Lastly, you see yourself having more good days than bad days. You find yourself smiling and laughing more. The desire to want to get out, enjoy fresh air, be around people, and move is becoming greater. The feeling of being free and lighter is shown through your body language and smile. Overall, you are happy being you.

The ability to overcome, let things go MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL: JUST LET IT GO, and be at peace is a great gift we can all give to ourselves. However, it is a process and it takes time. Be patient in the process. We all will get to where we want to go.

Those are just 4 things that could let you know you’re beginning to grow. There are many other signs to know you are growing. But if you’re experiencing any of the above, then you are headed on the right track.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

DO WHAT YOU CAN AND FORGET THE REST

One easy and instant way to relieve stress is to stop trying so hard. Simply take it day by day, do what you can and forget the rest. I tell my kids that every morning, ”do your best and forget the rest.” You’re not going to be good at everything. We don’t know everything. And that is perfectly ok.

Many times the reason one may feel overwhelmed is they are trying to do everything at once. If you can only get two things done today then you’ve accomplished something. Be proud of that. Don’t beat yourself up because you had five things on your list today, but the universe had other plans for you. It was only meant for you to get two things done today.

I will say that is one thing I’ve learned and mastered. THE LONGER YOU WORRY, THE MORE TIME WASTED Not worrying about what didn’t happen, what didn’t go right, and what else is left to do. Don’t strive to be perfect, appear to be perfect, or to have it all together. Attempting that will, only stress you to have a face full of wrinkles and dark circles. Do what you can and what’s in your realm of abilities. Everything else will work out.

As of late, I’ve had this saying. ”Only answer the question that is asked.” Literally and figuritavely. Don’t give out or give up more than what is asked. Sometimes giving more, sends you down a path you didnt want to go on. Unwanted expectations from others tend to make us feel obligated. They take advantage of your kindness. It may result in them using your words, information, or vulnerabilty against you. We can’t be everything to everyone. That goes for personal life, relationships, and at work.

Do what you can and forget the rest. Throw the guilt, shame, and apologies out. If you are feeling overwhelmed, weighed down, or drowning let some things go. If you aren’t able to fulfill a request, then say it. Don’t twist yourself into a pretzel to do something for someone that couldn’t do it themselves. If you don’t know how to do something that is ok as well. And if you need to ask for help, please do. You’ll make your life a little easier.

Now have a great day. Do something nice for yourself. Give someone a compliment. Lastly, express gratitude.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

WEEKEND AFFIRMATION: YOU CAN AND WILL GET BACK UP

No matter how many times you fall, you will get back up. Don’t ever get discouraged because you have a little setback. SETBACKS, REJECTIONS, AND STUMBLING BLOCKS ARE NECESSARY FOR GROWTH That is how we learn, grow, and heal. On your journey have no regrets about the path you have been taken down. Your path and journey was created specifically for you. As you grow through life don’t listen to the negative chatter about how many times you’ve had to pick yourself up.

The beauty is you’ve had the strength, courage, and perseverance to keep getting up. That means no matter what is thrown at you, you have the WILL POWER in you to live and get back up. There isn’t anything that you aren’t equipped to handle.

No matter where you are or what is going on in your life, you can and will get back up!!!!!!!

Have a great day, week, month, and holiday!!!!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

HAPPY SUNDAY FUNDAY: JUST BE YOU

The one thing I know for sure, is we all want to be happy, love, and be loved. The one thing that holds us back is not being our true authentic self. We hear it all the time, to just be you. If we all could live how we want, where we want, and with whom we want, the idea of stress and anxiety would greatly diminish.

To just be you means to not go buy a house because your friend has. Be comfortable in your apartment or living with your parents. Just be you and take small staycations instead of a grand vacation. Own who you are in the style of clothes you like to wear. Just because your friends or family like certain stores, brands, and styles doesn’t mean you have to wear that as well.

Trying to keep up with what everyone is doing, what they have, and where they are is going take your focus off of you and your happiness. Furthermore, why spend money and stress yourself trying to fit in. You being you will allow you to stand out the right way.

If you have a bubbly or colorful personality don’t hide it because you feel no one understands. Be the life of the party if that’s what your heart desire. Secretly, those with quiet personalities enjoy your free spirit and is motivated by you. Happy Sunday AND LET GO

To just be you means don’t put yourself in any situation where you have to compromise your comfort, smile, personality, and energy. Not everyone is going to run to you and love you but that doesn’t mean you have to hide who you really are.

Remember you were created to be specifically you. If that’s the way God wanted you to be, then that is who you ought to be. If God says you’re perfect and enough the way I created you, then you are PERFECT!!!!!!! So go out there and be you. Those who are supposed to love you will, and those who don’t, bless them and keep going.

You will only win at being you. Don’t waste time, money, or energy trying to be something other than what you were created to be. Everyone else is taken. Just be you.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SELF CARE HABITS: 6 WEEKEND HABITS FOR A GOOD WEEK

There are somethings that I do every weekend to help me jump start the week. Of course, our self care habits on the weekend looks different than the weekday habits. On the other hand, I’ve noticed, I have some self care weekend habits that I’ve been doing for years. These habits helps me mentally prepare for the week and keeps me organized.

Change Linen. 🛌 Every Saturday or Sunday, I have to change the linen on everyone’s bed. This is something I did as a little girl growing up with my parents. So I guess I just kept that tradition going. But it’s not just changing sheets. It’s a symbolic way of leaving the week prior behind or throwing it away. Sort of like a spiritual cleansing. Not too mention, the cleanliness effect it has on keeping your home well kept.
Shred Mail. 📨 To help keep the clutter at bay, I shred mail on the weekend. Organization, clutter, and chaos in the home is a reflection of your life. So I like to get rid of any old mail, bills that have been paid, and junk to keep it from piling up. This has been a huge boost for clarity and keeping up with important finances. Handle Your Business…Get Your Finances Together In the meantime, it’s a great confidence booster to your mental knowing you’re being responsible and handling business.
Clean fridge. 🥡 After a long week of cooking and the kids placing half of a water bottle in the fridge, all week, I like to clean it out. This prevents me from spending money on things at the grocery that I already have. It’s always good to clean out and rotate any food to the front that needs to be used first. Also, I am able to figure out what I plan to cook for the week.
Deep Condition Hair. 💇‍♀️ I do a good deep condition on my hair. After working out all week, I like to give my hair some TLC. I’m not one to go to the salon, I enjoy doing my hair myself. Once again, it’s how I love on myself. I challenge myself to learn and do it. The act and process of washing and conditioning boosts myself esteem. To know I’m taking time to make my hair healthy and feel good is a great confidence booster.
Set Calendar. 📅 I go over everyone schedule and set the times and dates in my phone. This gives me an idea of how the week is going to go. I can plan meals, appointments, and other things around what we all have going on. However, I allow for adjustments and rescheduling. 📝 Nothing is ever set in stone. Sometimes it’s good to have an outline of the week. On one hand, you’re not going in blindly, but not bound either.
Sleep In. 😴 After waking up at 5a.m. ⏱ during the week, I like to sleep in. Now my idea of sleeping in is to 7 or 8 in the morning. I can’t lay there for too long, as I’ve got older my body hurts. But I typically wake up earlier, I just tend to lay there and day dream for a while. It rejuvenates my body and give it the rest it needs. Self Care: Sleep Routine

The weekends are a time to relax and unwind. But we do have responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Therefore, our small weekend self care habits helps keeps us structured. I know there are many other weekend self care habits that we all do. As always, the goal is to help you have a easier life so you can enjoy your days.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Favorite Iyanla Vanzant Quotes: MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRING

I love me a good quote. I have shared some of my favorite Iyanla Vanzant quotes below. I love her honesty and straight forward love. She gives it straight even if it’s hard to hear. A good quote is food for thought. Gives you a light bulb moment to shift your thought process into a different universe.

“If we celebrate, support, and nurture ourselves, we will not need anyone else to do it for us.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there. –Iyanla Vanzant

“The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“Stop squeezing into places that don’t fit you.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose whether or not you want to participate in the way they love.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“If you don’t have a vision you’re going to be stuck in what you know. And the only thing you know is what you’ve already seen.“ –Iyanla Vanzant

“If somebody had the privilege and the honor of walking into your life, living and growing with you, and they didn’t have the good sense to stay, you need to be glad to be rid of them.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“We must inspire ourselves by believing we have the power to accomplish everything we set out to do.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“There’s no GREATER battle in life than between the part of you that wants to be healed, and the part of you that’s content remaining BROKEN.” –Iyanla Vanzant

“The journey into self-love and self acceptance must begin with self-examination…until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” –Iyanla Vanzant

What does a quote do for you? To me it’s not just a quote or words, it gives me a different perspective and a new way of thinking. Seeing things through a different lens gives understanding and meaning to help you or allow you to help someone else.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BETRAYAL, LACK OF SUPPORT, AND LONELINESS

Dealing with betrayal, feeling no support, and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness has been my current mental state in the last couple of weeks. As of late, I’ve come to realize and know there is a certain love and support that I will not receive from family. The first thing I had to do was admit that I wanted and needed their support. We all know and understand the benefits of having family and community to get us through day by day.

Affirmation #1: I am not alone.

The worst and most difficult admission was acknowledging the role a particular member played in the sabotaging of other relationships. It could have come from anyone else but said person. I was manipulated, controlled, and used all because they were seeking the love, attention, and affection they felt they were lacking. Being the sacrificial lamb was very hard to acknowledge. But I had to do.

Affirmation #2: I am not what others say or think about me.

Next, I have replayed and reexamined every scenario and situation in my head. Consistently repeating ”why me?” I’ve questioned what I did wrong millions of times. I’ve taken up for said person even when they were in the wrong. All to be used and reversed to make me appear in a negative manner. I soon had to learn replaying and thinking about all the bad things isn’t going to change what happen. It will not change how they feel. I can’t control or stop, even family, from speaking negatively about me. Instead I’ve tried to understand their hurt, pain, and point of view. OPEN YOUR MIND FOR UNDERSTANDING

Affirmation #3: I will think positive thoughts.

Everything I’ve done or accomplished has been put down in some way. Not one member of my family has read a post. As a matter of fact, my mother has asked me several times what is the name of my blog. Boy each time she asks its a huge gut punch. I’m not even going to lie or hide that. However, if I don’t support anyone else who has started their business I’m the worst person in the world. If I don’t show up to their events, I’m being called selfish. I will not stop, because my vision is mine. My hopes, dreams, and aspirations are mine. No one else has to understand or see them.

Affirmation #4: I will see my goals through to the finish line.

On the flip side of this betrayal trauma, I’ve been able to learn myself. How it has shown up in relationships. Having a lack of support has you to question everything you do. Because even graduating college, someone else took the credit for it. Like I didn’t go to class and pass those classes on my own. If I changed my hair I was criticized. The comments I receive about being in shape, exercising, and trying to have a healthy lifestyle are very negative. My career path choices have been very different, and that has been criticized. But when I see others getting praised for doing the minimum it no doubt makes me question.

Affirmation #5: I am loved.

I’ve always been a strong willed person. Due to my experiences as a child, I’ve always had to be my own cheerleader. Now I’m at a point I don’t want to cry anymore. I want to heal, learn, and hopefully inspire my own family. My prayer is to be the example. Use me as a vessel.

I am strong.
I am brave.
I am more than enough.
I belong here.
I am loving.
I believe in me.
I am confident.
I am forgiving.
I am kind.
I am smart.
I am whole.
I am me.

For anyone who is dealing with betrayal or feelings of loneliness, you are not alone. The pain you are feeling is validation you are doing the right thing. People fight you when you don’t give in to their narrative. When they can’t hold you down they are going to manipulate you into thinking you are doing something wrong. Continue to be you. Do everything that you want to do in life. Pray, help others, and you’ll be ok.

P.S. Plesae understand this is not a post bashing family or anyone. This is me acknowledging my pain. I still love my family, pray for them, and can’t wait to see them for the holidays. Through me healing, I can hopefully help them heal.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.