Are you always stressed? Not sleeping at night? Helping everyone else and you have no strength to help yourself? Those are symptoms of someone suffering from the disease to please. You are basically, hurting yourself to please others.
The disease to please makes you feel guilty for saying “No” and even thinking about saying no. In your mind, you don’t want to make anyone mad. You want to make everyone happy no matter what the request of you is. Even though, you may not want to fulfill a request, you don’t have the capacity or resources, or you just don’t feel like it. Somehow you will twist yourself into a pretzel just to make it happen for them.
Your desires to please others is a temporary gratification. Yes, we are supposed to extend a helping hand, but not at the expense of our happiness. The reason the gratification is temporary is because you are tired, exhausted, and left feeling empty.
At some point you probably had to question if you would receive the same grace if you needed a helping hand. Deep down you know the people you are pleasing are only there for what you can do for them. But yet and still you continue to please.
The first piece of medicine to cure your disease to please is to know you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. First of all, happiness comes from within. No matter how much you do for them or give up, it won’t “fix” their hurt and pain that they need to sort through. That’s how we become victims for so long. It’s impossible to please someone else into happiness.
The next piece of medicine to cure this disease is to believe in yourself. You must know your own worth. Just like happiness, validation starts with self. How To Boost Your Confidence With Daily Self Care Validate and affirm yourself on a daily to ensure you don’t need any external validation. You are perfect the way God made you. So, because He has equipped you with everything He felt you needed, that is as solid as it gets. Once you know your worth and you then would be able to recognize when someone is in your life genuinely.
After knowing your worth you will be able to set boundaries. Boundaries that are communicated well will let people know your availability, limits, and expectations. If any of those are crossed that person knows there will be consequences. Boundaries are necessary to keep your self respect, space, and comfort. Simply put, boundaries ensures we aren’t giving away more than we have.
Lastly, is to get over the feeling of guilt. People who use and abuse others know how to manipulate someone into feeling guilty. No one should make you feel guilty for not doing what they can’t do for themselves. If a person gets upset because you say “No” then that is the first sign they are only there for what you can do.
It’s a tough process and transition out of being a people pleaser. But start with saying no. That will give you the confidence and courage to set boundaries.
Hold people accountable for their own life. Let them figure their way out of things. If they get upset and don’t want to talk to you then that is your answer for how they truly feel about you.
RosalynLynn
Be you so you can be free.
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