To Cry To Laugh Take a day off Not answer the phone Eat Cake Say you’re tired Feel anxious To Change your mind Let go and be done Feel Sad Feel Nervousness Experience an episode of depression Want to splurge and purchase something Need a vacation Want a vacation Like being alone Move to another city, state, or country Switch jobs or careers Disconnect from the world from time to time Say No Say Yes Ask for what you want Feel how you feel Be who you are Protect yourself…or others Be different Look different Try something different Want to just do nothing Be confused Start over…more than once It is ok to not be ok
S-Seek the “why”. When we are feeling hopeless, down, and in despair so often we can’t put our finger on how we ended up there. But figuring out the why, how, and what will lead us to the beginning of healing. We can’t pick ourselves up until we understand how we got to where we are.
T-Trust your instinct. How many times have we ignored our gut or went with the second choice instead of the first? Don’t let yourself and others talk you out of what you feel is right.
R-Recharge and reenergize yourself. After so long its easy to get into a slump. But find a way to get yourself back up and ready to fight. The more simple the better. A hot shower, nice walk, and a phone call to a friend will put you in a mood to get up and give it another try.
E-Experience every emotion you feel. When we allow ourselves to feel no matter how much it may hurt, we gather so much strength. If we always run we won’t know our actual strength that we possess.
N-Navigate at your own speed. Run your own race. One of our biggest mistakes is allowing others to dictate when we should get over something, do something, feel something, or just be.
G-Grind it out. Nothing in life that is worth having comes easy or free. Put in the time and work needed to achieve your dream or goal. What you put in, is what you’ll get out. Even if you only have an hour or 30 minutes, use that time to do something.
T-Talk yourself out of it. Talk to yourself aloud while doing housework, driving in the car, or working out. This has been a great tool for me. Have a conversation with yourself and think those thoughts through.
H-Hold on to the good. Even in the most difficult times we can learn a lesson or pick up something. For that matter, we can even learn something from the one person that hurt us, pick up the good and leave the rest.
The most important thing for people to remember is they are enough the way God made them. They are unique and no else on this earth can be them no matter how hard they try. With knowing that we have people walking around living their life pleasing others while they suffer. Some are admitted people pleasers and others are in denial or just don’t know.
If you have to give up an arm, leg, and your big toe for others to want you to play with them in their sand box then they aren’t worth it. You don’t have to over extend or prove that you’re worthy. You being you is enough.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing even when you haven’t did anything or no one said anything then you need to stop. This means apologizing to your mate, friends, coworkers and even strangers. Apologizing isn’t going to make them like you more and doesn’t excuse their behavior towards you.
If you find you the one always volunteering your time and money specifically when no one else wants to then you need to stop it. Just because you are willing to lose sleep, time with your family, or spend your hard earned money doesn’t mean they are going to accept you for who you are. They are only going to continue to use you up dry.
If you never say no or always go with the flow then you need to stop it. Just because they invite you doesn’t mean they generally want you there. If you can’t give any input or suggestions on what you’re going to part take in and go anyway then you need to stop it. Most of the time they want you there to do the work they don’t want to.
I know it could be easier said than done but taking small baby steps builds your confidence more and more. You’ll begin to feel good that you stuck up for yourself. Yes those who are use to you giving in will be angry but they’ll either respect you creating boundaries or move on. With that decision you’ll know if they were really there for a true relationship with you.
F-Finish what you started. Turn that thought into ideas to create a plan. Develop those ideas into a project. Design that project into a business. Whatever “it” is that you started or thought about starting FINISH it. It could be school, moving, weight loss goal, changing your hair color, or anything that was placed upon your heart.
E-Explore the world. When we travel and learn about different cultures it allows us to see life differently. It doesn’t have to be overseas, travel to a city or small town you never been to. What do they eat? Where does the dialect come from? We will have a better understanding of people. Of course right now staying safe and healthy is important.
A-Award yourself regularly. It doesn’t have to be something big. But we know you have a family and other responsibilities to take care of, however you should enjoy the fruits of your labor. Each time you get paid do something for yourself.
R-Release any tension, frustration, or aniety you may have. Find a way to let go of what was, what hurt you, or who made you mad. Holding on to that continues to hurt you not them. LET IT GO!!!!
The most common complaint I’ve heard in the last three months is how people weren’t able to groom themselves or get their beauty treatments like they used to. They told us to quarantine not let ourselves go. Yes I know its very easy to get in a funk because you have no where to go and no one to see. But taking care of yourself will lift your mood.
Even during these tough times you can create you a ritual or routine. Pick a day, time, and space where you can take time out for yourself.
When we have a great hair day everything else is ok. Start by giving your hair some TLC. Wash and deep condition your hair and bring life back to those tresses thats probably been in a bun for days. There are great quality products available at the drugstore that will give you salon results. Use this time to experiment on styles and practice.
Next bring some life back into you face and do an at home facial. Deep clean and exfoliate to lift those dead skin cells. Next a good face mask to deep clean those pores and smooth the skin. Having a natural glow from within brightens your face. Tone and moisturize to bring some plumpness back.
Explore your creativity and express yourself by doing an at home mani and pedi. There are endless option you can do to make sure your hands and feet are smoothed and polished. As a side note, purchasing a kit off Amazon for the price of one nail appointment saves you money.
Take a long shower or hot bath. Meditate, pray, or give yourself a pep talk to keep moving forward. While in the shower speak into existence what it is you want and are feeling and let the negative go down the drain. While taking a bath meditate and pray on what your next steps are and how you’re going to get there. This is your most private and intimate time with yourself and you can be completely honest and open.
Find something or someway to lift your mood or spirits. Feed your mental and emotional with positive thoughts and energy. Read a book, magazine, or listen to a podcast. Figure out what inspires you and seek it to help you keep going. Start by reading a chapter at night before bed. Watch a motivational video. Listen to a podcast while you clean and do laundry. Read a magazine article while you drink your coffee instead of watching the news. Let it soak in and reflect.
Of course you’re not a professional, but taking this time out for yourself gives you the motivation to create and make the best of this time that we aren’t going to get back. Use this time to become a better you, learn who you are, and what you need to work on. You never know, you may become so good that you won’t need to pay a professional anymore.
Ladies stop saying you don’t need female friends. Stop saying you don’t trust them. Your guy friends are great but your female friends are more important and beneficial to you. There are a ton of reasons us as women need a great group of women friends.
First they wear tampons and pads just like we do. They understand the hormonal and emotional ups and down when our “special visitor arrive.”
They inspire us to be great and go after our dreams. Our girlfriends allow us to vent but then they pick us up and make us push forward.
Good girlfriends influence our creativity and we bounce ideas off of each other. Therefore expanding our mind to explore outside of our comfort zone and boundaries.
Motivating each other on the regular boost both self esteem and confidence. Inspires you to be great, help others be great and reach their potential, and all around better person.
Having great girlfriends encourages us to eat healthier, exercise, and take care of our selves. Our mental and emotional health is in great condition. We’re able to be vulnerable and release any negative energy instead holding on to it for days, weeks, or even months.
We travel with our girlfriends, learn new cultures, and experience the world together. We learn how to connect with people who are different from us and make them feel good. In return we receive love, support, and a balance in our life.
Think of our lives as a pie chart, having a good group of friends is a slice of the pie. Yes our husbands, boyfriend, and partners may be our friends but they can’t give us the emotional support and laughter our girlfriends do. Each person in our life provides something different and is needed for different reasons.
Good girlfriends gives us great conversations that no one else can understand. We can hold one another accountable. Having great friends keeps us on the right track and steer us back on when we fall off.
We can be completely honest with our girlfriends without judgement or bias.
If you find yourself as a woman who don’t have female friends or prefer guy friends take a survey of yourself. Think about what you want in a great girlfriend and offer those qualities. What you attract you will get back. But don’t discount or sell your self short thinking you can get by without having great female relationships.
Now the older we get the smaller our friend circle become. All you need is a hand full of core, solid, faith filled, loving, understanding, and stable groups of girlfriends.
Oh this confidence thing again. Confidence can make or break a person. Having a lack of confidence kills relationships, stop you from living life due to fear, and all around a person performance in every aspect of their life suffers. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again confidence comes with practice. There are daily confidence boosters you can begin doing now.
Daily Confidence Boosters
1.Be who you want to be. Whatever your vision for yourself is, just be it. Once you sit in who you authentically are everything else will follow. What career path do you want to take? Is there a business you’d like to start. Are you living in the city, state, or country you want? So often we have these dreams or visions but fear, lack of money, and persuasion of others tells us we can’t. But guess what, you can. If you open a business and it dissolve, you’re still alive to try another. Nothing is definite you will always bounce back.
2.Compliment yourself daily. There are a million things we can find wrong with us. But I know there is something you like about yourself. Start off by finding one thing to compliment yourself on. Then build up to giving yourself multiple complements throughout the day. In the morning start with your skin, hair, outfit, or just simply waking up in a good mood. When you find yourself criticizing something you see “wrong” quickly divert that to something you like.
3.Give Back. It’s great to buy someone a gift or lend some money. But the greatest way to give back is serving or giving your time. Spending time with someone when they are down means more than a dollar. Volunteering gives someone in need an example of hope and sense of inspiration. Invite someone on a walk with you, give them a new perspective or different way of thinking and being. Guess what this will boost your confidence in so many ways. You see yourself as a someone who has something to offer, which gives you motivation to continue to find yourself.
4.Exercise. Do some form of physical activity. I’m not saying you have to go out and kill your self to the point you won’t be able to move the next day. However, walking is the easiest, thought provoking, free, and effective exercise you can do. Each time you walk pick a different trail or route. The different scenery opens your mind to think and see the world in a different way. Sweating release toxins. You begin to feel good about your body and outer appearance. Which increases your confidence when you put your clothes on. Because you feel good on the inside you look good on the outside and present that confidence for others to see. Your shoulders are back, heads up, and walking with a purpose.
5.Take a risk. Instead of thinking about the shoulda, coulda, woulda take that leap. What’s the worst that can happen? If it doesn’t work out try something else. The pain of not trying at all is worst than the pain of failing. At least if it failed, you learned something. You have knowledge and experience on what to do and what not to do. Get out the box and see what else the world has waiting for you. With each risk you take your ability to learn, grow, and overcome will boost your confidence.
6.Listen. I’ve learned when I receive a criticism or comment from two or more independent people I need to listen. Obviously if two people that doesn’t know each other are saying the same thing, then I need to evaluate what I’m doing to put that out there. You’re not changing who you are. You’re self reflecting. What mannerisms am I doing to for others to receive me that way?
7.Don’t pretend. “Don’t be a follower, be a leader.” that’s the famous line we’re told as kids. Being like someone else is impossible. You can only win at being you. You will fail at trying to be like someone else every time. Trying to be like someone else exhaust more time, energy, and money. It’s simply free and effortless to be you.
8.Journal. Building confidence and keeping it takes daily practice and efforts. That means you are going to have some bad days. We are human with feelings and emotions. But when those bad days come we can rely on our daily confidence boosters to get us back on track. Keeping a journal and writing things down gives you a visual and reference to go back to. When you’re on a high, journal that and when that low comes journal that in detail. That way you are able to look back and see what triggers caused you to have a bad day and how not to let it effect you again. Journaling allows us to be honest and release any toxins so we don’t hold on to them to spill into the next day.
9.Learn how to accept a compliment. How many times has someone given you a compliment and you minimize it to something that’s not a big deal. When someone says “I like those shoes,” simply reply with a thank you. Don’t say oh I’ve had these for years or these old things. Be appreciative that someone was willing to tell you they liked something about you instead of holding it in. Then pass it on and give someone a compliment.
10.Work. You get back what you put in. On the job that pays you, you have to work hard in order to keep that job and not allow someone else to come in and replace you. The same applies to your life. Put work into your self daily. Read, write, and talk to yourself on a daily. We can’t expect others to give us what we won’t give ourselves. Love on yourself and others will follow in your footsteps.
These are just a couple things you can do to begin boosting your confidence. The key to making it work is to be consistent. Don’t give up because you’ve had a bad day. Those are needed for our growth.
Who are you? Tell me a little about yourself. Woman. Woman of God. Wife. Mother. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Professional. Sounds familiar?! Welp, that’s how most of us answer that question. We begin by stating what titles and positions we hold as if that’s truly who we are. This is one question that many of us struggle to answer. To answer this question is to know how to show your values and morals, know your boundaries and set expectations for your self and others, have a code of conduct, command respect without being disrespectful, and being consistent.
Answering said question takes time. Depending on where you are in your life, what experiences make up your story, how those experiences shaped your beliefs, and where you are in the healing process. There isn’t a right or wrong answer to this question. Your answer is going to be different than anyone else’s. There isn’t anywhere we can look to find the answer, except internally.
Thought Provoking Questions to Get You Started
What is your pet peeve?
What is your idea of a good time?
What are your flaws?
What is your best feature or attribute?
What makes you cry?
Does your friends inspire you?
Are you happy in your relationship?
Do you smile going to work everyday?
What do you like to read?
What is your favorite television show?
What are you good at?
What are your insecurities?
Three words that best describes you.
How do you handle it when someone pushes your buttons?
What have you been putting off that you really want to do?
These are just a few questions to get you started. Once you begin to answer them honestly a more clear picture of who you are will come to you. For me it all started with me realizing my pet peeve. When someone would ask me what is my pet peeve I would have the deer in headlights look. My pet peeve is someone asking me questions to either pry into my business, get information to use for a later date, or to attempt to diminish what I’m doing. Once I figured this out I was better able prepared to notice when it was happening, divert the conversation, or simply avoid speaking with anyone who would do that to me. It took time and practice for me to get the courage to say “that isn’t something that I’m willing to discuss”.
Finding yourself or learning who you are is a journey. Because the only thing constant is change, maintaining a sense of your core allows you to make decisions without compromising yourself. Get a journal and keep it with you because its going to take time answering the above questions. The answer will come to you at the spare of the moment. Write that answer down and elaborate on it later.
Depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion , social anxiety, being drained, emotionally depleted, and whatever else one may describe being in a state of darkness. At some point in our lives we’re all going to feel some form of it, some of us more than once. Here are a couple of things you can do now to fight depression and anxiety.
Admit how you are feeling. Say whatever it is. Don’t try to minimize or rationalize the pain, that will only make things worse. The biggest mistake we make is we brush it off, pretend like its not real, it will go away on its own, or we are simply embarrassed and upset at ourselves for falling into a depression . If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to someone about it, write it down. Another thing you can do is speak it to yourself. Take a walk, speak it out loud, give it a voice. Once you’ve honestly vocalized how you feel you’re able to take the next step in healing.
Make small goals or take baby steps. Write a list of things you’ll like to accomplish or correct to get you where you want to be. Then make an action plan on how to tackle each one step by step. This will give you a visual to check your progress and with each step you accomplish the confidence will build back up. So often we want to fix or tackle everything at once. Trying to “fix” everything at once will have you bouncing back and forth and with so many projects started you’ll become overwhelmed. Starting with something small and completing it gives a sense of accomplishment and motivation to push forward.
Don’t compare yourself to others in real life or on social media. That will kill any progress you make or stop you from even starting. Take a break from social media. Remember what you see on social media is filtered, a snap shot, and persona that someone has created. So you comparing yourself to a fictional representation isn’t worth your heart ache. Focus on yourself and the journey you’re walking.
Validate yourself. Yes I know we have many voids in our hearts that need to be filled, but guess what, searching for that void other than God and yourself will leave you empty every time. Please know, feel, and believe the void of a loved one has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them and what they are going through. Don’t take ownership of someone else’s baggage.
There’s only one you in this world. Own it. You are perfect, unique, and have gifts and talents that no one else has. Discover your gift or what you love to do and nurture it. But don’t be upset when someone doesn’t like what you have to offer. They don’t have to and that’s ok. In the same breath don’t sway with the wind to get someone to like you.
Self love is in the name. It begins with self. Know that you are strong enough to withstand another storm. You’ve been a survivor before and will continue to rise. Give yourself some credit. Remember when things are easy, you’re not growing.
So in the next storm you’re in, put that umbrella up, stay dry and wait for the rainbow to shine when it’s over.