THE HARD THING ABOUT BOUNDARIES

We’ve heard a million people say set boundaries. But setting boundaries isn’t the hard part. The hard thing about boundaries is keeping them and implementing said consequences if someone crosses a boundary.

I think we’ve all said we’re done with someone or a situation and even knew how we were going to handle it in the future. But when that next time came, we got cold feet. We second guess ourselves. The thought of cutting someone off, give us anxiety. We begin to worry about hurting their feelings. Especially if its a close friend or family member. We begin to question if we’re the one’s being too sensitive or overreacting. Having the guts or courage to let someone know they have hurt your feelings brings you embarrassment. You just don’t want to ruffle anyone’s feather. Or cause a scene. Be the person that ruins the dinner, holiday, or trip.

But guess what, that second guessing is what go us to this point. We know how we feel, we know what we need and want, but refuse to say it out of fear. What if you attempt to implement the consequences and it’s not received? The sad part is we are willing to continue to sacrifice our feelings to spare someone else’s. That’s not ok. Putting your feelings and boundaries first is a for sure way to demand respect in a respectful manner. It’s ok to tell others ”you’ve gone too far.”

The first thing to do when setting boundaries is to let them know if you do this, it makes me feel like this, and therefore I would have to do this to protect myself. Protect Your Peace And Energy Make it clear what the boundary is not to cross. Then be specific of what said consequence is for that boundary being crossed. That way when you do have to take action, it doesn’t come as a surprise.

Next, start with realistic consequences that you feel comfortable implementing and sticking to. As time goes on you’ll develop the confidence to be stronger. We often make the mistake of starting off big because we’re so angry but it sets us up to fall hard. Remember it’s just as equally emotional for you to even create said boundaries with certain people.

In your journey of healing and life, boundaries are necessary. Creating them is easy. But the hard thing about boundaries is implementing the consequence. Start at a place where you are confident to handle and make no apologies for. When setting and implementing boundaries we can’t get cold feet, a shaky voice, or apologize before doing it.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

FRIDAY SHORTS: FAMILY DOESN’T GET A FREE PASS

Some of our most difficult relationships are the one’s we have with family. That is mother, father, sister, brother, auntie, uncle, cousin, and even grandparents. Yes, we need family. We need their love and support. Especially when we’ve fallen. Their support and love is yearned for when we accomplish something significant. But what family doesn’t get to do is have a free pass to abuse the relationship.

Family relationships are tricky because we give free passes when they disrespect, use, abuse, gaslight, blame, and shame us. We often make excuses for them. Telling ourselves it’s family, we have to get over it. NO, you don’t. Just because there is relation there, doesn’t mean they get to hurt your feelings without regard. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

In actuality, its hurts so much worse because it does come from family. Family isn’t supposed to do what outsiders do and get away with it. After so many passes have been given out, tensions rise and relationships become fragile. Of course it’s difficult to have a conversation with a loved one. Telling someone you love what they are doing is hurting you, and you need them to stop is tough. Most of us are raised to believe we have to take it because it is family.

Well family doesn’t get a free pass. This is the group of people that you should be able to be the most vulnerable no matter what the situation is. In order to do so, it is perfectly ok to let them know how they hurt you. Family is suppose to be our safe havens. It’s already hard enough in this cold world.

We can create open dialogue and boundaries. Remember even in family we can have boundaries. As a matter of fact, that is the best way to save some of the relationships.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Self Care Mental Health Tips

There are many factors that play into the downfall of our mental and emotional health. There are some self care mental health tips that could help you along the way. The following is 4 practices we do that gives away our power and strength. With consistency and habit we can stop doing to help our mental health.

Stop Explaining Yourself

This is my biggest pet peeve when I see adult women specifically explain themselves. Crushing themselves trying to explain what they doing, where they going, why they chose to go left instead of right, and anything else. It’s even worse when they begin explaining without anyone even asking. Which that’s the first sign of someone not being confident in who they are. To be honest even if someone asked you, you still don’t owe anyone an explanation. If how you move about your life needs to be explained then they’re not on your level. The decisions you make for you and your family is no one else’s business as long as it doesn’t effect them.

Wasting Your Time Staying Angry

They were never lying when they said it takes a lot of energy to get angry, and most importantly stay angry. It takes so much emotional energy to stay angry. Trying to stay angry we use all our gas plus others around us. Let’s just say when a wife gets mad at her husband the entire mood in the house shifts until she starts talking to him again. Even the kids start walking around on egg shells. You waste time that could be spent doing something productive. Not to mention, when you stay that angry for some time you begin to lose sleep. At this point every thing including your physical body and beautiful face begin to suffer. It just isn’t worth it. Remember they hurt you once, don’t let them keep hurting you by staying angry. That would be giving away too much power.

Living Your Life for Others

When we allow others to influence our decisions we have given them the keys to drive our life. Letting someone tell you “you’re not ready”, “I don’t think that’s a good idea”, or “don’t you think you should wait a while“ are people that you need to keep at arms length. Those are all manipulative, controlling, and selfish ways people get you to do what they want you to do. Be confident in your journey to know what’s best for you and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Making decisions to please others leaves you as the only one suffering. No matter what you try to do nothing is going to make you happy until you live for you. Daily Self Care Habits To Boost Your Mental Health

Staying in a One Sided Relationship

Having hopes and expectation for someone will get us every time. Also knowing the potential a person could have is the most common reason we constantly give so many chances to those who don’t deserve it. It’s true, when people show you who they are believe them. If the relationship makes you question who you are, what you do, or you always seem to be in a confused state then its time to leave. Our relationships should inspire us to be better people. We should feel so much love and support that we have to constantly give it away to others. With no respect, trust, or communication you’re wasting your time. This goes for our romantic relationship as well as our friendships.

These are simple self care mental health practices that will save us heartache in our daily lives. The amount time spent worrying if someone understands us, feel we care, or sparing their feelings only wastes our time and drain our mental and emotional tank on empty.

They aren’t worth it.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.