My apologies to everyone I have said “Someone has it worse than you,” to. I can’t remember where I heard it or what station I was watching but someone said that this is the worse response you can say to someone when they express their feelings or concern to you.
I had to take a pause and think how could that be a bad thing. Welp…for many reasons.
First of all, I had to think they could careless about someone else’s feelings or problems at the moment. What someone else is going through has nothing to do with them.
Secondly, I am pretty sure they know there are people out there who are having what seems to be the worst luck ever. They aren’t living in a bubble and don’t know what’s going on in the world.
Next, I realized when I say that to someone I have completely dismissed, diminished, and rejected their feelings, thoughts, situations, and experience. They have a right to feel how they feel and experience the emotions that come along with that.
Another reason why telling someone that isn’t good, is the message they hear is “it’s no big deal”. They hear “get over it and move on, what are you whining about.” When in actuality they probably had to build themselves up to open up and they just got crushed.
For those who suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other mental health trauma that statement will discourage them for speaking out or expressing themselves. They hear their problems are small, doesn’t measure up to others, and their feelings aren’t valid.
I can almost see as I think back after saying this to someone how I deflated them. They have built their energy up to express themselves and I go and say “well you know someone has it worse”, their response is silence and fades into the darkness.
Please understand when I’ve said that to someone, it wasn’t meant in a malicious way. I wasn’t trying to demean, dismiss, or diminish their experience or feelings. Literallly for me, that was my way of encouraging them not feel like the world has crashed down upon them. If you think your life is over, just imagine the crushing pain of others. You can get through whatever it is, because we all bounce back up.
But, I guess I should have said just that. Just like we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, in no way we should insinuate they should compare their problems to others to makes themselves feel better.
But I now know that isn’t what they want to hear nor what they need to hear. Telling them their feelings are valid, work through the pain, and come out stronger is more like it. Helping them understand why they are experiencing said emotions is much more helpful.
Once again my apologies to anyone I’ve said this to and made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter. They do and so do you.
Be you so you can be free.