To Cry To Laugh Take a day off Not answer the phone Eat Cake Say you’re tired Feel anxious To Change your mind Let go and be done Feel Sad Feel Nervousness Experience an episode of depression Want to splurge and purchase something Need a vacation Want a vacation Like being alone Move to another city, state, or country Switch jobs or careers Disconnect from the world from time to time Say No Say Yes Ask for what you want Feel how you feel Be who you are Protect yourself…or others Be different Look different Try something different Want to just do nothing Be confused Start over…more than once It is ok to not be ok
Conversations that aren’t meaningful or add value to your life, you won’t engage in. Sitting around the table listening to people gossip just gets under your skin.
You begin to pay more attention to what others are saying and doing. Are the actions and words aligned with your values? How they show up in the world and to you is well noted. You begin to value character and integrity more.
Aren’t afraid to ask for help or say you don’t know. You’ve come to a point in life to know and understand you don’t know everything and that’s ok, but you aren’t going to act like it either.
Respectfully speak up for yourself. Turning the other cheek and letting things slide isn’t going to continue to happen.
Understand the importance of getting ahead of situations and problems. Having a proactive mindset as opposed to a reactive mindset.
Stand firm in your position and will not put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Saying yes to get it over with or not to hurt others feelings isn’t something you’re willing to do.
Taking time for yourself, self reflection, and constantly wanting to be a better person is a priority.
Prefer small intimate gatherings inside opposed to going out to large venues with crowds.
The well-being of others are important to you.
The small stuff doesn’t get to you and shift your mood.
No longer feel guilty about taking a day off or taking time out to take care of yourself. You understand that taking care of yourself isn’t up for negotiations.
Don’t worry about trying to impress others with “what” you have. The labels on clothes and shoes doesn’t mean a thing to you. As long as you are comfortable you’re happy. Just not interested in keeping up with the Jones’s.
Sleep is important, essential, and a priority.
What you watch on television, music you listen to, and what you give your time to is well intentional.
The desire to learn and attain knowledge is what you become.
There are many factors that play into the downfall of our mental and emotional health. So many circumstances from family, to work, to relationships, to past experiences and the list can go on for days. But there are some things we do on a daily that contribute to giving others the power of draining our emotional tank.
Stop Explaining Yourself
This is my biggest pet peeve when I see adult women specifically, crushing themselves trying to explain what they doing, where they going, why they chose to go left instead of right, and anything else. It’s even worse when they begin explaining without anyone even asking. Which that’s the first sign of someone not being confident in who they are. To be honest even if someone asked you, you still don’t owe anyone an explanation. If how you move about your life needs to be explained then they’re not on your level because if they were they would already know. The decisions you make for you and your family is no one else’s business as long as it doesn’t effect them.
Wasting Your Time Staying Angry
They were never lying when they said it takes a lot of energy to get angry and most importantly stay angry. It takes so much emotional energy to stay angry that people not only empty their tank but everyone else around them. Let just say when a wife gets mad at her husband the entire mood in the house shifts until she starts talking to him again. Even the kids start walking around on egg shells. You waste time that could be spent doing something productive. Not to mention when you stay that angry for some time you begin to not sleep well, which makes things worse and continue to spiral. At this point every thing including your physical body and beautiful face begin to suffer. It just isn’t worth it. Remember they hurt you once, don’t let them keep hurting you by staying angry. That would be giving away too much power.
Living Your Life for Others
When we allow others to influence our decisions we have given them the keys to drive our life. Letting someone tell you “you’re not ready”, “I don’t think that’s a good idea”, or “don’t you think you should wait a while“ are people that you need to keep at arms length. Those are all manipulative, controlling, and selfish ways people get you to do what they want you to do. Be confident in your journey to know what’s best for you and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Making decisions to please others leaves you as the only one suffering. No matter what you try to do nothing is going to make you happy until you live for you.
Staying in a One Sided Relationship
Having hopes and expectation for someone will get us every time. Also knowing the potential a person could have is the most common reason we constantly give so many chances to those who don’t deserve it. It’s true, when people show you who they are believe them. If the relationship makes you question who you are, what you do, or you always seem to be in a confused state then its time to leave. Our relationships should inspire us to be better people. We should feel so much love and support that we have to constantly give it away to others. With no respect, trust, or communication you’re wasting your time. This goes for our romantic relationship as well as our friendships.
These are simple practices that will save us heartache in our daily lives. The amount time spent worrying if someone understands us, feel we care, or sparing their feelings only wastes our time and drain our mental and emotional tank on empty.
We all have that one thing that makes us smile, calms us when we are angry, and won’t get tired doing. It could be collecting something, sewing or knitting, or having a hobby like drawing or gardening.
Well for me my “thing” is makeup. I can sit and watch video after video on makeup tutorials. I can wonder the aisles of the store for hours examining the shade range, packaging, scent, names of products, and anything in between.
For me though it isn’t about the makeup itself, it’s about the action of purchasing it, taking it home, and trying it out in many different ways to see how I look. The look or outcome of the makeup is always beautiful but thats when I lose my enjoyment. I enjoy the application process of it. It’s something about me blending foundation, applying mascara, and putting on lipstick that makes me feel good. The thought that I’m taking the time to enhance my beauty or see how different I would look with certain products is liberating, fulfilling, and makes me smile on the inside.
What’s your thing? Don’t ever be afraid to tell someone what your pass time is. That is what makes you unique. That is your gift. Something you are great at, constantly find ways to get better , educate yourself on, and never get tired doing that is you.
Most of the time we don’t realize our “thing” is what we need to tap into to fulfill ourselves.
Right now we live in a world where more is better. We’ve come addicted to having “stuff”. One for sure way to get yourself lost is surrounding yourself with an abundance of “things” or making yourself believe you need more than you need.
I’ve heard the saying a person’s home or car is reflection of who they are. No I don’t mean if they have a messy car or home then they are nasty. Being nasty and just having stuff laying around is two different things.
If you get a ride from someone and they have to clean the seat off for you to sit down then thats how they run their life. In most cases they are always in a rush or just barely making it to work or appointments on time. Even though they have a phone they probably missed the reminder or because their life is so sporadic they didn’t even set a reminder.
When you walk into a person home and if just seems like they have stuff everywhere with no meaning or purpose then that is a reflection of them. They may feel like they have to hold on to things and sometimes its hard for them to get rid of “stuff.” Holding on to trinkets for memories sometimes hold us back from moving on from things that has happened in the past.
If you find you look around and see stuff collecting dust, you don’t use it, or you haven’t wore a certain piece of clothing in a while then get rid of it. Most of the time once we declutter our home, our minds begin to open up. Getting rid of old stuff that doesn’t serve a purpose make room for something else to come into your life that have meaning.
Go through the closet and get rid of those old clothes and shoes that are out dated. You haven’t wore them in forever and saving for a “just in case” event is holding you back. If that event hasn’t come by now then you don’t need it. Most often when that “just in case event” comes you’ll probably go out and purchase something new.
When we declutter our home we renew mind and our new thoughts, ideas come to the forefront. Our creativity is refreshed and we get a new sense of purpose, our confidence is renewed, and we have motivation to push through whatever has been holding us back.
Purging old meaningless things allows us to let go of the past and move on. Holding on keeps us bound to certain events and things that happened to us. Decluttering gives you power to say I’m not going to live in the past and be stuck.
If you’re ready to grow, move on from the past, and renew your spirit get rid of the old and make room for new beginnings.
The most common complaint I’ve heard in the last three months is how people weren’t able to groom themselves or get their beauty treatments like they used to. They told us to quarantine not let ourselves go. Yes I know its very easy to get in a funk because you have no where to go and no one to see. But taking care of yourself will lift your mood.
Even during these tough times you can create you a ritual or routine. Pick a day, time, and space where you can take time out for yourself.
When we have a great hair day everything else is ok. Start by giving your hair some TLC. Wash and deep condition your hair and bring life back to those tresses thats probably been in a bun for days. There are great quality products available at the drugstore that will give you salon results. Use this time to experiment on styles and practice.
Next bring some life back into you face and do an at home facial. Deep clean and exfoliate to lift those dead skin cells. Next a good face mask to deep clean those pores and smooth the skin. Having a natural glow from within brightens your face. Tone and moisturize to bring some plumpness back.
Explore your creativity and express yourself by doing an at home mani and pedi. There are endless option you can do to make sure your hands and feet are smoothed and polished. As a side note, purchasing a kit off Amazon for the price of one nail appointment saves you money.
Take a long shower or hot bath. Meditate, pray, or give yourself a pep talk to keep moving forward. While in the shower speak into existence what it is you want and are feeling and let the negative go down the drain. While taking a bath meditate and pray on what your next steps are and how you’re going to get there. This is your most private and intimate time with yourself and you can be completely honest and open.
Find something or someway to lift your mood or spirits. Feed your mental and emotional with positive thoughts and energy. Read a book, magazine, or listen to a podcast. Figure out what inspires you and seek it to help you keep going. Start by reading a chapter at night before bed. Watch a motivational video. Listen to a podcast while you clean and do laundry. Read a magazine article while you drink your coffee instead of watching the news. Let it soak in and reflect.
Of course you’re not a professional, but taking this time out for yourself gives you the motivation to create and make the best of this time that we aren’t going to get back. Use this time to become a better you, learn who you are, and what you need to work on. You never know, you may become so good that you won’t need to pay a professional anymore.
Oh this confidence thing again. Confidence can make or break a person. Having a lack of confidence kills relationships, stop you from living life due to fear, and all around a person performance in every aspect of their life suffers. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again confidence comes with practice. There are daily confidence boosters you can begin doing now.
Daily Confidence Boosters
1.Be who you want to be. Whatever your vision for yourself is, just be it. Once you sit in who you authentically are everything else will follow. What career path do you want to take? Is there a business you’d like to start. Are you living in the city, state, or country you want? So often we have these dreams or visions but fear, lack of money, and persuasion of others tells us we can’t. But guess what, you can. If you open a business and it dissolve, you’re still alive to try another. Nothing is definite you will always bounce back.
2.Compliment yourself daily. There are a million things we can find wrong with us. But I know there is something you like about yourself. Start off by finding one thing to compliment yourself on. Then build up to giving yourself multiple complements throughout the day. In the morning start with your skin, hair, outfit, or just simply waking up in a good mood. When you find yourself criticizing something you see “wrong” quickly divert that to something you like.
3.Give Back. It’s great to buy someone a gift or lend some money. But the greatest way to give back is serving or giving your time. Spending time with someone when they are down means more than a dollar. Volunteering gives someone in need an example of hope and sense of inspiration. Invite someone on a walk with you, give them a new perspective or different way of thinking and being. Guess what this will boost your confidence in so many ways. You see yourself as a someone who has something to offer, which gives you motivation to continue to find yourself.
4.Exercise. Do some form of physical activity. I’m not saying you have to go out and kill your self to the point you won’t be able to move the next day. However, walking is the easiest, thought provoking, free, and effective exercise you can do. Each time you walk pick a different trail or route. The different scenery opens your mind to think and see the world in a different way. Sweating release toxins. You begin to feel good about your body and outer appearance. Which increases your confidence when you put your clothes on. Because you feel good on the inside you look good on the outside and present that confidence for others to see. Your shoulders are back, heads up, and walking with a purpose.
5.Take a risk. Instead of thinking about the shoulda, coulda, woulda take that leap. What’s the worst that can happen? If it doesn’t work out try something else. The pain of not trying at all is worst than the pain of failing. At least if it failed, you learned something. You have knowledge and experience on what to do and what not to do. Get out the box and see what else the world has waiting for you. With each risk you take your ability to learn, grow, and overcome will boost your confidence.
6.Listen. I’ve learned when I receive a criticism or comment from two or more independent people I need to listen. Obviously if two people that doesn’t know each other are saying the same thing, then I need to evaluate what I’m doing to put that out there. You’re not changing who you are. You’re self reflecting. What mannerisms am I doing to for others to receive me that way?
7.Don’t pretend. “Don’t be a follower, be a leader.” that’s the famous line we’re told as kids. Being like someone else is impossible. You can only win at being you. You will fail at trying to be like someone else every time. Trying to be like someone else exhaust more time, energy, and money. It’s simply free and effortless to be you.
8.Journal. Building confidence and keeping it takes daily practice and efforts. That means you are going to have some bad days. We are human with feelings and emotions. But when those bad days come we can rely on our daily confidence boosters to get us back on track. Keeping a journal and writing things down gives you a visual and reference to go back to. When you’re on a high, journal that and when that low comes journal that in detail. That way you are able to look back and see what triggers caused you to have a bad day and how not to let it effect you again. Journaling allows us to be honest and release any toxins so we don’t hold on to them to spill into the next day.
9.Learn how to accept a compliment. How many times has someone given you a compliment and you minimize it to something that’s not a big deal. When someone says “I like those shoes,” simply reply with a thank you. Don’t say oh I’ve had these for years or these old things. Be appreciative that someone was willing to tell you they liked something about you instead of holding it in. Then pass it on and give someone a compliment.
10.Work. You get back what you put in. On the job that pays you, you have to work hard in order to keep that job and not allow someone else to come in and replace you. The same applies to your life. Put work into your self daily. Read, write, and talk to yourself on a daily. We can’t expect others to give us what we won’t give ourselves. Love on yourself and others will follow in your footsteps.
These are just a couple things you can do to begin boosting your confidence. The key to making it work is to be consistent. Don’t give up because you’ve had a bad day. Those are needed for our growth.
For the last year or so I’ve really come into an understanding of who I am, where I want to go, and live the life I want. As I become more comfortable on this journey and actually see my vision come to pass, there are so many things I wish I had done in my younger years. Below are just a few things I would tell my younger self.
Live In the Moment
In my younger years I always dreamed about my future and what it would look like. When you’re young the only thing you can think about is getting out your mothers house and living the life you want. But I now know literally enjoy each day and what that day has to bring. Yesterday was old news and anything that happened can’t be changed and tomorrow simply isn’t promised. Worrying about what could happen will rob you of the laughter you could have today. Stressing about yesterday keeps you stuck in the past. Most of the time what we’re worrying about is a made up scenario that we’ve created and typically situations always pan out the complete opposite of what we thought.
Always Go with Your Gut
When you’re younger the only goal you have is to make your family proud. That means we make decisions that go against our true desires. While its good to value their opinion and want their support, living the life that’s fulfilling to you would make them more proud to support you. Sacrificing our happiness to please others will fill us with a sense of resentment, anger, and emptiness. That creates another situation because we begin to blame them for “putting” us in that situation.
Whatever Other’s Think About You, Let Them Think It
I’ve come to understand what other’s criticisms of me are has nothing to do with me and is none of my business. With knowing that, it makes it easy to not take it personally. If we focus on what people say about how we should live our lives we would be a ball of mess. The most important thing to remember here is everyone is going to have an opinion. And yes, of course, it’s easier said than done to ignore some harsh criticisms, but remembering they’re projecting their own insecurities will help you brush it off every time. “I walk my journey and take the paths I want, if you want to go a certain path then you can take it on your own journey.”
Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New
One of the best pieces advice I carry with me is “never fit in, always stand out.” I firmly believe in expanding my horizons, trying something that is out of the ordinary, or taking risks that aren’t common. I love taking a risk because I learn something new about myself each time. Challenging myself and taking a risk increase my confidence, self esteem, and courage to know even if I fall I know I’m going to get back up. It doesn’t have to be something big. You can start small. If I see everyone is buying the same shoes or everyone is going for a certain color, I purposely choose the one color no one wants. It’s scary to put yourself out there on a limb but remember you already starting off strong by having the courage to stand alone.
Let the Chips Fall How They May
Trying to control everything in every situation does nothing but raise your blood pressure. Its impossible to try to control everything and we really shouldn’t. Some situations are better left to pan out how they are suppose to not how we want them to. Often times we work ourselves into a frenzy when how we thought a situation would go, it completely went in the opposite direction. Most often worked out better than we thought.
Don’t Do Anything If You Don’t Want To
“If Ros don’t want to do it, then Ros don’t have to.” My father told me that when I was a teenager and that has stuck with me since. So often we do things and make decisions because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or we are guilted into something. We then resent and harvest anger at a person when all because we didn’t have the courage to say “No”. We can easily eliminate putting ourselves in uncomfortable positions by saying no thank you.
I’m pretty sure there are many more notes I would give to my younger self but these are the points I use daily on my walk.
Right now the entire world has been turned upside down, twisted inside out, and shaken to its core. Some of us are more dizzy than others and trying to figure how to get back to where we were. Now is the time to get creative at home. Use your imagination and get creative on whatever your mind and heart desires.
Instead of trying to hold on to what was and what used to be take this moment and use your creativity to set you up for your next chapter in life. We all have something that we would like to create and develop. Shift your focus, energy, thoughts, and time to start that new business, that project you’ve been putting off or started and never finished, write that book, grow your family, create new memories with your family, or finish that project you’ve been wanting to do in your home. Instead of looking at this time period in a negative manner, actually this is a blessing in disguise because we have all the time in the world to get creative and dive right in to whatever we had been wanting to do.
When we tap into our creative side, anxiety creeps away, stress is relieved, and we’re able to handle things that comes along .
Of course the unknown of what’s going to happen when this over is scary, unsettling, and stressful. However, shifting our focus and investing this time wisely will ease many of those tensions. The mind and body will be occupied and filled with energy that allows us to create the photo of the future instead of holding on to an old outdated photo.
Whatever it is you desire, take one step each day to attain it.