I know I know, it seems very harsh to tell someone your problem is yours. Well when I heard it, I felt and thought the same thing. She said no one cares that your feelings are hurt. Why are you constantly complaining about something that happened last week, last month, last year, or when you were thirteen. Within two days I heard this from two different people on two different media. It had me pondering.

a quote in a chain link fence

They are right!!!!!

We can’t erase or undo everything that has been said or done to us. In turn, we make it about what they said, what they did, how they made you feel, and nothing is about us. What someone else say or do has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with how they feel about themselves.

In our anger, hurt, and sadness we freeze and wait for that person to make everything right. When, if they thought they did something wrong they would have done it. If you get an apology the problem is still yours. On the other hand, if you don’t the problem is still yours. What is the apology going to do for you? Because emotions are raw, will you be in a place to receive the apology, accept it, and forgive? Everything was made about them and not you. 10 FUN JOURNAL PROMPTS TO GET YOUR MIND OFF YOUR PROBLEMS

We can pour our hearts out and the problem is still ours. Either one one of two things. They will understand and empathize. Or completely gaslight and blame you for taking it the way you did. In result, you’re left with fixing the problem.

No matter what, your problem is yours. You are the only one who can make yourself whole, process, and get through. A large mistake is waiting or expecting others to solve our problems. We’ll be waiting forever. I had this breakthrough when I had to ask myself what kind of relationship was I going to participate in with my mother. I’m not going to get the mother I wanted when I was little. No matter how much I’ve expressed to her my feelings nothing has changed. So what am I to do. I had to reconcile all that and accept the mother she chooses to be and engage on my terms.

If you’re battling some problems. It’s yours. Take your power back and fix it for yourself.


Be you so you can be free.


Trying to break or get out of a bad habit can sometimes feel like you’re on a hamster wheel. To begin getting through the habit there are some questions that needs answers. We would all love to just wake up one day and say it’s done, I’m never doing it again, or I understand. This came when I was speaking with someone regarding their poor financial habits.

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  1. What is the habit? Identify specifically what the habit is. For example, don’t say I have a problem with money. Say, I fail to budget. I don’t have a plan for my money. I spend money on take out food. Whatever it is that you’re trying to breakthrough write it down to the point.
  2. When did this become a habit? Think back to the point, event, or time your mind processed something and the habit was the solution. When thinking of the point get as descriptive as possible.
  3. What does this habit do for you? How does it comfort you? Even though you may identify it’s wrong or a bad habit, what temporary instant gratification do you get.
  4. When emotions calm down, do you feel remorse, guilt, and regret? Do you embrace it and apologize. Attempt to make it right. Or do you make excuses to justify the habit.
  5. What past trauma triggers or is associated with this habit. So often we respond to people, things, situations, or circumstances based on some unhealed experience.
  6. What positive habit can I replace it with? What are some actions, plans, and goals I can put into place to hold myself accountable. 6 SIMPLE HABITS TO BE GOOD TO YOU

Those are six questions that would help you understand your mindset regarding the bad habit. Therefore, you’ll be able to reframe your mindset to a new positive mindset, attitude, and habit. It could be alcohol, money habits, using foul language, procrastinating, eating habits, or exercising or anything . Figure out your answers for you.


Be you so you can be free.


So I thought I’d pop on here real quick and remind everyone self care doesn’t absolve you of pain, hurt, anger, frustration, insecurities, and more. It gives you a foundation, balance, and practical ways to address and adapt to life as it comes. Practicing self care will evolve as you grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Your needs, wants, desires, likes, dis likes, level of tolerance, and so on will forever change. Remember your self care is for you.

woman watering the plants

What do you need on a daily to feel encouraged, supported, loved, and free to be you? Listen to your body when you’re feeling uneasy. YOUR MIND AND BODY GIVES YOU ALL THE ANSWERS YOU NEED How can you tap into yourself to soothe, heal, and grow through the distress. When feeling “Un”, what is it that has triggered you? Unloved, unattractive, unwanted, unappreciated, unhelpful, unworthy, unproductive, untrustworthy, unbalanced, and any un feeling you may encounter.

”Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.”- Mark Black

Self love and self care is prioritizing you so you can be at your best in the midst of happiness and sadness. Loving you is giving yourself permission to evolve, grow, heal, be better, do better, and live your life not live how others think you should. Practicing self care provides emotional riches for you to pull from in times of need and even in joy. Remember when you have a great day, moment, or event; celebrate it!!!!

In this time before the holiday season begin, give yourself time and permission to take care of you. It’s going to look different from time to time. And that is normal and ok. It will feel awkward and uncomfortable. It supposed to. At times you’re going to feel alone and lonely. That is normal and supposed to happen. Thoughts of confusion, feeling misunderstood, and giving up will creep in, that is normal. Remember your why.

Self care is a journey. You’re unlearning, to relearn. Challenging every thing you thought was right or what was taught. Going against the grain. Give yourself permission. Patience. Time. Enjoy your day!!!!


Be you so you can be free.