I NEED TO RESET MY EXPECTATIONS

“I need to reset my expectations and give you a call back.” Says my client after hearing a homeowners quote that she requested.

Here it is, she’s being productive and proactive, taking care of some much needed business and housekeeping before the holiday season and new year. A wonderful client, woman, mother, and professional calling two months in advance shopping her homeowners policy. After previously calling before and realizing it was going to take quite a bit of time, she had time today and called to say she was ready to do it.

We had a lovely conversation for about an hour. We discussed her beautiful home, how we both juggle our multiple roles on a daily, her having 3 kids rotate in and out of the home because they are in college, and coverages for her home. Even talked about her 2 dogs that keep her company when the kids aren’t home because she’s currently single after a divorce.

Once I rounded the conversation and geared it back to the homeowners quote she requested, it was time to talk about coverages. I gave her a detailed coverage presentation and answered any questions she had. Then I delivered the quote and assumed the sale. Right. Well not so fast. 5 REMINDERS ABOUT SELF LOVE

First, she wanted to go on her app and pull up her current policy to make sure she has same or like coverage. I said sure no problem. Well, because her password didn’t work, she tried to reset it and it didn’t work, and then attempted to retrieve it from her password manager on her phone, that left us more time to chit chat.

We proceeded to have great woman mom talk and she kept apologizing for not having her password. I said, “Hey girl listen you are making my day by having a conversation with me. Take your time. This is your biggest asset and we have to make sure you’re covered accurately and you are satisfied with the coverages.” With a chuckle that gave a sigh of relief she relaxed. What happened when she relaxed, she was able to focus, retrieve, and reset her password.

Once the password was up, we were able to go over her coverages line by line. Now her current policy is 4 years old. Which quickly she realized some things had changed over the years. The value of the home, the market, and some other characteristics that impact a rate or premium. After answering all her questions or really what was her talking out the difference in the double premium, she said, “I guess I will have to think about this and reset my expectations.”

That statement alone “I have to reset my expectations sent chills through my body.” First her awareness to not blame me, lash out at me, or complain about how ridiculous things are had my body lifting out my chair. Also to know there is some factors she can’t control or change. Therefore, she needs to do what she needs to do mentally and emotionally to fork out more than she expected or what she was paying before. Redirecting her attention on what she can control. Her budget, what she chooses for coverages, and her expectations.

The call ended by us telling each other how much we enjoyed each other conversations. Wished one another the best and I told her to call me if she had anymore questions. As gracious as she could be, she said she will give me a call either way.

The rest of the day I couldn’t help but think about how we let our expectations sour our mood, day, or life. Are you expecting something that isn’t available? Do you have expectations of someone that they just can’t fulfill? I’ve learned having unfair expectations can ruin relationships and place unnecessary stress and anxiety both parties.

Years ago, one Sunday morning, while in church, the pastor said something that has stuck with me like icing on a cake: “Sometimes we ask someone for 10 gallons of water when they only have a 5 gallon tank. Where do you expect them to get the other 5 gallons? Sometimes you have to ask yourself are you putting unfair expectations on people.”

The next time you feel something should have went a certain way or it didn’t turn out how you expected, ask yourself, “Do I need to reset my expectations?”

Be well!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

16 THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN SOONER

When I was younger my mom used to tell me “when you get older you’ll understand.” I think we all heard that growing up at some point. Because when we’re teenagers and in our 20’s we know everything right. Well it’s some things that I wished were spoken to me sooner or I’d known sooner. They seem so simple and basic, yet it would have helped eliminate much tension, stress, and anxiety.

Things I Wish I Knew Sooner

-I will be ok and I will still live if no liked me
-It’s ok to say no to family and friends
-It’s ok to speak up, say how I feel, and express myself
-I am the only one in control of my life and career
-I control how my day goes
-Taking a break for myself and mental peace is essential
-Thoughts and attitude can change the course of your day and life
-Keeping my emotions intact and not reacting emotionally save heart ache
-I can start over as many times as I want
-I don’t have to be one thing, I can try and do everything that interest me
-Everything will work out
-No I could not have done more, I did what I was able to do with what I had
-You are suppose to enjoy life
-Sadness will come, bad days will happen, and I will get hurt
-I don’t need permission to feel how I feel
-Being different is good

Those are just a couple thoughts, feelings, and emotions I wish I knew sooner. Of course, when we get older and experience life certain things makes sense. Or, you’re more equipped mentally and emotionally to understand and process. Even now, that they are understood, doesn’t mean you may not have one of the above thoughts. That’s why life and happiness is a journey. HAPPINESS ISN’T A DESTINATION It’s how we handle the peaks and valleys of that journey. Don’t disturb your peace. Be patient, do what you can, and tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. Be well!!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST MEANT TO BE TEMPORARY

Not everyone that comes into your life will be there for a lifetime. Some people are just meant to be in your life temporarily. In fact, most are just making a pit stop into your journey of life. And guess what, that is perfectly ok. There isn’t a reason to get upset, sad, or lose sleep over it. In actuality, even those that are there for a moment, will drop some valuable lessons and gems before leaving.

I just had this conversation with my son who’s a junior in high school. He’s beginning to realize some he thought was his friends really aren’t. Those who he thought would be there for the long haul has moved on to another destination. I had to remind him of how valuable and precious he is. Along with the best piece of advice I received when I first went to high school. That was “Your friends you have your freshman year, will not be your same friends your senior year.” That advice the teacher gave me could not have been more true. That statement holds true into adult hood.

As life flows so does we. Experiences and circumstances have us growing in many directions. So the friends you have in your 20s probably will fall off by the time your 30s roll in. When you hit your 40s that lightbulb gets so bright and your circle get even smaller.

The twist is, it doesn’t mean that you have this big fight or falling out. You just out grow some people. As we develop, we walk down different paths that put distance between us. Sometimes we circle back. Other times, we wave from a distance. Either way you’re going to be ok. 5 REASONS VULNERABILITY IS STRENGTH

Those that were your friends in the beginning can’t always go with you. As you grow they may not be ready to grow. So sometimes you’ll have to leave them where they are until you guys catch up, if you do. But the worse thing to do is stop your progress because someone isn’t ready to grow with you.

Love yourself enough to be aware and know who is meant to be in your life temporarily. Let relationships be what they are, not what you think they should be or hope to be. Many times we hurt ourselves holding on to some relationships too long. It may hurt letting some relationships fizzle out. But trust yourself and the process. Trying to hold on to a relationship that’s dead will lead to resentment, stress, frustration and loss of happiness. The pain of dead weight is worse than working the pounds off.

Give your authentic self. Know what you want and need out of each relationship you have. Be vocal. Have healthy boundaries. Love and show compassion. Finally having 2 great relationships is better than having 10 one sided unhealthy relationships.

Be well.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”The way you think and feel about yourself determines everything that happens to you.”- @thejustbelievejourney

I saw this and couldn’t agree more. The older I get, the more I understand and know the importance of telling yourself good things and speaking positively to yourself. Also, what you think and tell yourself about situations and events in your life will determine how you travel through them. Definitely when faced with adversity telling yourself you’ll get through it and it will work out is the first thing you should say to yourself. That puts the thought and energy into your mind and body to let the situation take it’s course and remain positive. Staying busy to keep your mind off of it, and trying not to control the situation will help keep you on the positive track. On the other hand, when you have a victory or good news, it’s equally important to embrace it and enjoy your hard work. But don’t just stop there. God blessed you with what you asked for but don’t stop being humble and gracious. 9 REMINDERS OF BASIC SELF LOVE TIPS Either way, what you tell yourself in every situation determines your attitude, how the day will go, and how your life will eventually go. I know it’s difficult, but try to turn your negative thoughts and words into positives. Your mental health will thank you for it. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”- Brene Brown

woman holding a paper with the word confident

To be totally transparent I’ve struggled with setting and keeping boundaries. But as of lately, setting my boundaries have been the one thing that keeps me mentally sane. It sounds so harsh sometimes when we say to set boundaries, but the other side of that is someone using and taking advantage of you. I recently had a family member tell me they didn’t worry about anything because all they have to do is ask me for money if they need help. That triggered me so bad. The audacity to be comfortable to say, you’ll give me the money if I need it, just hit different. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Boundaries aren’t a bad thing. It’s you protecting your peace and space. Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you should give or obligated to give. Just because you have the time doesn’t mean you have to serve them in whatever way they ask. Boundaries eliminate others having easy access to you. You don’t have to make yourself available if you don’t want to. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY Lastly, when setting boundaries it doesn’t have to be in a nasty way. Simply saying you’re not available, and I’ll let you know when I am is good enough. And an explanation isn’t needed either. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

“How does the believe I must be loved by everyone to be happy lead to unreasonable expectations and feelings of depression?”-Unknown

The short answer is, your happiness will forever be based off what others think you’re worth, what you have to offer, and how they think you should be living your life.

Having the beliefs that you must be loved by everyone to be happy stems from a lack of self confidence, self esteem, and self worth. That means you are basing the value of your life on what others approve. In order to belief that everyone has to love you, you are seeking their approval and validation.

What happens when you consistently seek others approval and validation? You are living a life that other people think you should live. You aren’t making decisions for yourself. When it’s time to make a decision, you aren’t confident. Or, you don’t want the decision you make to offend other people or hurt their feelings. Although, it is the best choice for you.

Along with seeking validation, you’re going to forever be on a hamster wheel running for your life. Depending on who is around, that is how you’re going to answer, be, or exist. In short, you shift whichever way the wind blows. One day you’re going left, and the next you’re going right.

You aren’t thinking for yourself. Believing that everyone has to love you requires you to live for others happiness. If you are living to please others and make sure they are happy, your happiness gets put to the side. What you want in life and what makes you happy is different from others. No two people will want the same in life or go down the same path. It’s impossible to please everyone. KEY TO HAPPINESS: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness but yours.

If someone gets upset because you made a decision that benefits you, then they aren’t worthy of having a space in your life. You’re being emotionally manipulated. The demands, requests, and asks become increasingly inconvenient, unreasonable, and disrespectful. They will require more time than you have to give. Along with other resources such as money, belongings, favors, and your space.

People pleasing leads to depression because you will become mentally and emotionally fatigued. Eventually you won’t be able to keep up with the demands of everyone. You’ll feel like you’re on a never ending cycle. No matter what you do or how much you give, it won’t be enough. You will deplete yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. In the long run, you may begin to question what is right, what is normal.

As your physical health declines due to lack of nutrition, sleep, fatigue, and second guessing your mental health will suffer. Your ability to think things through is no longer there. You may become short fused, you’ve probably missed time with loved ones who really care about you. Most of the time relationships has suffered because they’ve warned you about said people.

Lastly, when you have given your soul and you have nothing left to give, those people that you thought loved you are long gone. When you are in need, you have absolutely no one to call on. That leads to a dark path of depression and anxiety. Now you are in rebuild mode, yourself and relationships you’ve lost. HAPPINESS ISN’T A DESTINATION

Love yourself first. Love you enough to know that no one that really cares about you or your wellbeing will put unreasonable demands on you. It is perfectly ok to say no. Boundaries are a necessity in every relationship. Your boundaries are promises to yourself. Trust yourself enough to get you through. Be your own best friend first and build a great relationship with yourself. That way you know what you want and expect out of others.

Be well on your journey. Good Luck!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

TIPS TO MAINTAIN EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

What is emotional wellness? Emotional wellness is the ability to navigate, overcome, and conquer the hurdles that life puts in our pathway. How well do you handle rejection? Do you adapt to change well? When the going gets tough, do you respond or react emotionally. Here are some tips to help you maintain emotional wellness and balance.

The one thing that stays in the front of my mind, is to always be in control of your emotions. Our emotions can cause us to make a decision that will lead to a snowball of other hurdles. Remaining calm, staying true to who you are, and knowing who you are is a major key.

Tips For Emotional Balance

-Allow yourself the grace and give yourself permission to say I’m going through something right now. A change is happening or there is a speed bump ahead and I’m scared. You may not even know how or when you’re going to get over that bump, but the sheer acknowledgement gives a clear pathway.

-Don’t make any quick or rational decisions. If you can or have the opportunity to, take a moment, hour, or day before responding. Giving yourself some time to step away and clear the lens will allow for a better understanding and thought process.

-Do something for you. Find an activity or hobby to get your mind off of what is going on. Have a refocus and a distraction. Exercise is always a good distraction because you’re also releasing tension. Whatever makes you happy or laugh do it.

-Find a positive. There is something in every situation that is a positive. Find the lesson. What are you supposed to take away? That is going to be the greatest gift of all. 8 FEEL GOOD SELF CARE ACTIVITIES

-Have a good night routine to wash the day away. Cleanse your mind, body, and spirit. The most harmful we can do is to take the days events into the next.

-Finally change is good. Change is needed. Without change we would not grow. Embrace change. Going through change is a sign that bigger and better is on your way. Open your mind to new possibilities. The more we fight change the harder it will seem.

Those are just a couple of tips to help maintain an emotional stable balance daily. Take it one day at time. If you can’t do everything you’d like to do in a day, then don’t. Whatever your emotional tank allows you to do then do it and leave the rest for a better day. We only get so much emotional energy in a day. Use it wisely.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Every fall is an opportunity to refocus.”- Anna Greenberg

A major key to happiness is to not be afraid to fall. So often we don’t try because we’re afraid of “failing”. However, what hurts more than trying and failing, is to not try at all. Not trying at all will lead to a lifetime of suppressing, questioning, and trying to fill a void that only one thing can. So what if you tried and it didn’t work out. What’s the worst that can happen? Nothing. You learned what you like and what you don’t. You’ve gained knowledge, wisdom, and experience on what you’re good at and what you may need help with. Which gives you the upper hand the next time you do step out on a limb and fulfill your dreams. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER What are you afraid of? People laughing. Saying I told you so. Starting over. Other people don’t define you or your success. Having a fall doesn’t define you either. It actually show just how much stamina you have to get up again and again. No matter what you want to do in life, try. There is no harm in trying and falling. The most successful people out there have started many businesses before they knew how to be good at running that one successful business you see. Have a great Sunday!!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

6 JOURNAL PROMPTS AFTER A BAD DAY

One of the best ways to dump a bad day is to journal about it before going to bed. Releasing and dumping all the bad from a day is great for you not to carry it over into the next. Also you will be able to have a good nights rest and sleep. Lastly, it will give you some insight on how to handle different emotions as they come again.

crop man showing diary with inscription in house

Journal Prompts For A Bad Day

What went well today? Seems weird right? Well there is at least one thing that turned out good in that day, or any day for that matter. This gives you the opportunity to redirect your mind and focus. SELF CARE HABITS: 8 DAILY HABITS TO FEEL YOUR BEST
What happened today that made me upset, cry, angry, sad, or hurt? Whatever happened or emotions you felt, explain them in great detail. This is your venting sessions. So let it all out.
I responded or reacted to said emotions by doing…How did you handle the days events. Did you lash out at someone? Hold it in. Let it effect your work day. Explain.
What did I learn? What did you learn from how you responded? What did you learn about the events that unfolded?
How will I handle these emotions in the future? Are there any new triggers you learned about yourself?
What do I need to let go of? Purge whatever it is you need to let go of. Do you need to forgive and move on.

Those are six journal prompts that always help me at the end of the day that I felt overwhelmed about. Try these journal prompts to help you get through your tough days or times. As always the purpose of the journaling is to get out the negative energy. One of the best ways to maintain a good mental and emotional balance, is to talk about your feelings, good or bad.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

“We are born in 1 day. We die in 1 day. We can change in 1 day. We can fall in love in 1 day. Anything can happen in just 1 day.” – Gayle Forman

happiness is a piece of cake close up photography

I saw this and it immediately hit hard for me. Recently going through this transition with this position that I love but has a steep learning curve has tested me. Just yesterday I had a conversation with myself on how I was going to approach each day. How positive and motivated I go into each day. Has changed my perspective and outlook on my work day. No matter what’s going on in your life, a new day will come. You have the right and choice to make that day the best it can be. Each day is a fresh start. Along with that, each day will have it’s peaks and valleys. It’s how you handle the good and the bad. Sometimes how we handle the good can effect our mental and emotional health as well. 10 DAILY SIMPLE SELF CARE ACTIVITIES THAT WORK A good way to start each day is with great expectations of goodness. Being thankful that you do have another day to do this thing called life again. Choosing to do something different than you did yesterday that you didn’t like. Continuing to learn and grow with what you did enjoy about yesterday. Lastly, going to bed with a full light heart. Don’t leave anything undone to carry over into the next. Before you lay head to pillow, empty out the negative. All it takes is one day to redirect your life, thoughts, and happiness. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!