We’re 15 days into the new year and it seems it’s been a long one already. There is so much going on around the world, in our homes, and on our jobs that can easily get us into the state of “How in the world did I end up here?”
Right now more than ever taking a moment to ourself is crucial to all of our wellbeing. Even if you can get five minutes in, it’s better than none. Turn the news off, do not consume that all day. Turn off your social media notifications for a day or so. If you feel you can’t turn off your notifications just don’t respond, read, or look at them for a day.
Please be mindful of what you’re consuming and how much. This includes your conversations with family, friends, and coworkers. If you have someone at work like I do, who loves to talk about politics every moment of day, find a way to recenter. For me, I either completely ignore them, turn on my radio really low, and zone out. Eventually when I don’t respond or engage they stop or switch the subject. Another way I deflect is to simply say “I’ve had my fair share of politics I’m really not interested in discussing it right now.” Finally, my last resort, is to literally refer the conversation back work or another subject.
That goes for any subject matter that you are tired of talking about or hearing about.
Another thing that has been heavy on me is to ask yourself what are you condoning, participating, accepting, and accommodating? Right now there are many things that we normalize and gloss over as if its ok, knowing deep down it’s not. Stop twisting yourself into a pretzel, to keep the peace in fear of being left out and talked about.
If it ain’t right, don’t sit well in your spirit, and you don’t want to, then exist gracefully.
I’ve had to come to grips with this subject matter this week. Unfortunately, my mother in law passed away, and me knowing my role on when, where, and how far to extend my support had to become clear to me. I had to step back and say it’s not my mother, my husband has siblings, and I don’t have a say so. I had to tell my husband I’m here, you all let me know what you want and need me to do. I was beginning to struggle on if I was being a good wife, if I didn’t do or be apart of certain situations. But I had to realize my support is to my husband and my children, who lost their grandmother.
Finally, I come to know and understand that I can’t fix people or save people. I can’t and will not break myself down trying to fix someone else. Also if it has nothing to do with you, it doesn’t concern you, it’s none of your business, it doesn’t effect you or your family, it’s out of your control, or you can’t change it, then let it GO. Don’t be mad, angry, upset, bitter, or hold a grudge. Just be done and let go. And don’t look back.
Bet on yourself first, this one time, and give yourself a chance.
What you think will become your actions What you think you believe, negative or positive What you think you speak What you think you become What you think propels you forward What you think holds you back What you think is who you are
“Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” -Steve Maraboli
No matter what the situation or scenario is we must train our mind to think positive thoughts. How we process and think about anything will determine the outcome of every situation. For every thought we think turns into how we respond.
That action in our response therefore sets the tone on if we proceed into something positive or propels us into a downward spiral. Which, depending on the action can either put us on a path of success or destruction. Positive mindset is essential to our mental and emotional health.
“Happiness depends on your mindset and attitude. -Roy T. Bennett
Our mindset is everything even in the choice of words or language we use. What we think, we will say. Words matter, words hurt, and once we spew words we can’t take them back. Our choice of words can repair relationships, begin relationships, make someone feel good, and yes save our jobs.
That whole saying “mind over matter” isn’t just a saying, it is a way of life. What we think comes out in every action we do and every interaction we have. We don’t realize it, but people can tell what our mindset is by our actions and the way we speak.
Our mindset is what we believe in our core, who we are, and determines the path we take. Having a positive mindset and training it to be positive will allow us to overcome and weather any storm.
“Mind is a flexible mirror, adjust it, to see a better world.” -Amit Ray
Instead of saying “I have to go to work, say I get to go to work.” That simple thinking will put you in the right mindset in the morning and your subconscious is set for you to have a good day.
Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions that leads to positive feelings that sets positive actions into place which leads to positive vibes and positive energy that is contagious which means everyone around you has a positive attitude. That one thought has lead you to have a positive day, an enjoyable day, and you’ve controlled and determined your atmosphere just by having a positive mindset.
This last year I really put this into practice. When I decided to consciously be aware, I noticed one little thought made the difference in how my day went. For example, there were times in the morning before I got out of bed I said to myself I don’t want to go to work or I don’t want to see XYZ, and guess what happened when I got there. I had a horrible day at work. The moment I saw XYZ my facial expression and energy created an atmosphere that wasn’t pleasant. The rest of the day it was awkward and tense.
So I tried the positive route. I woke up saying I’m thankful to have a job to go to, we are different but I can learn a lot from XYZ, and you guessed it, I had an amazing day. I walked in, said good morning, and created an atmosphere that was pleasant. From that point on I knew the power in having a positive mindset, the power I had in setting out for a positive day, and creating an atmosphere that is advantageous to my mental health.
This year if you want to start fresh begin with a positive mindset. It will set you up for success every time no matter what the situation is.
It’s that time of year where people are talking about their new year’s resolutions. I’ve never like this idea or really been able to answer the question “what’s your New Years resolution?”
Instead of a New Years resolution I think its more important and/or effective to create a lifestyle with systems and daily habits. Have a plan for your life in year. Break that plan down into half year goals, seasonal or quarterly goals, and then monthly goals. If needed you can even break it down into weekly goals until it has become habit. Setting goals, making plans, and listing somethings you’d like to accomplish in a year is more realistic and obtainable.
So often when we set resolutions they barely last a month or even a week sometimes. That’s because it hasn’t been thoroughly thought out, made with intention, and done at the spare of the moment.
Before creating a system or change you must ask yourself what is my end goal here? How long will it take me to reach my end game? What do I need in the process? If I have to make a detour what is my course of action to get back on track? What do I need to put into place to begin? What are the steps of this goal?
To make anything sustainable we have to be patient, persistent, and consistent. Yes there will be road blocks but we will overcome them. The systems set by our daily habits will allow us to get back into to gear when something happens. Life is going to continue but its how we work through it that will allow us to continue on with our goals and not give up or lose sight on what we sought out to achieve.
When you have an outline of your goal you’re able to track progress, adjust the goal if necessary, increase or decrease your course of action, add or delete some steps in the process, and have a visual.
For example, if you have a weight loss goal, make a plan to lose 5lbs in the first month or two. Because you have a goal you know you have to eat a balanced diet and exercise to achieve that goal. Look at your work week, schedule of things to do with the kids or family in the week, and figure when it will be best to work out for at least 30 minutes 4 times a week. Anyone can say “I want to get fit” but what does that mean without a plan and goals behind it.
Along with setting goals and creating an action plan, having a system in place will assist you in achieving the goals you want. Having systems in place with daily habits that are pushing you toward your goal allows you to remain present in the moment. The systems of daily habits become the lifestyle change you are striving for.
Back to the weight loss example, you will need a system of when and how often I need to go to the grocery store to ensure I have what I need before, during, and after workout. Along with what will my daily meals and snacks look like. Waking up to making sure you don’t skip breakfast is a great daily habit to begin with. What am I going to have for lunch, what is my snack for the day, or what is the plan for dinner.
No matter what it is, you want to accomplish, create a plan for it. Vacation, remodeling the home, purchasing a new car, or whatever make an intentional plan. I know it may seem like a lot or it can be overwhelming in the beginning but once it becomes habit and who you are it won’t phase you one bit. Living the life you envisioned, deserve, and sought for is the best reward.
We have to make it a lifestyle and part of who we are. It has to be about us, for us, and by us otherwise it’s just empty words of hopes of what we’d like to do and accomplish.
WE MADE IT EVERYBODY!!!!!! You really should give yourself a pat on the back. And you thought you weren’t going to make it this year. My friend you are a survivor and you really should be proud of yourself.
Please know you are already equipped with everything you need to begin this new year of 2021. Make yourself a priority, stay positive, and enjoy what’s waiting for you on the other side of 2020.
I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!!!! Stay safe, stay warm, and be well my friends. See you next year.
My daughter who is going to be someone’s wife one day, someone’s mother one day, and a boss some day.
My sons who are going to be someone’s husband one day, a father one day, and role model to many.
My mother who didn’t have the ability to self care and live the life the she wanted.
My father who paid the ultimate sacrifice.
My grandmother who sacrificed for us all.
My Grandfather who is the head of the family.
My brothers, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, friends, and coworkers who I share energy with.
Yes self care is for us. We must divulge in self care and make sure we are whole. We need to be our best self to offer to family and friends.
However, there are many who benefit from our self care. We are setting an example to our children. While we’re having the courage to take a break and do something that makes us happy, we are inspiring and encouraging others to do the same.
Even, that one person who seems to have it all together is still watching. The one person who you think is judgmental and doesn’t like you is watching and learning from you.
We represent more than ourselves. When we step out we represent our parents, grandparents, spouses, and children.
When one of us is not good it effects the rest of us. If we all are making deposits there is an abundance. However, if everyone is withdrawing we all are depleted.
Who do you self care for? Who do you hope to inspire? What expample do you want to show?
So tell me a little about yourself? We all have been asked this question and it stumps most people. So I thought I would do a challenge and list some random facts about me.
I enjoy shopping for toiletries more than I do clothes and shoes. I can be in the soap and toothpaste aisle forever trying to figure out what to try next. Also it takes me a minute to pick out my laundry detergent as well.
I am a huge sports fan. Don’t particularly have any favorite teams or players. Typically I root for the underdog. Basketball, football, track and field, volleyball, and wrestling I find myself watching quite a bit. 🏀🏉🤼♀️
Love to burn candles. Seasonal and non seasonal. Burning candles does something with the mood and energy in the house. The aroma is a bonus.
I’m an avid coffee mug collector.
I’m always in my head, analyzing, thinking, and wondering. I always have to find a deeper meaning or connection.
My all time favorite movie is My Cousin Vinny. Sister Act parts one and two come in a close second.
Favorite dessert hands down is cheesecake. 🍰
Favorite subject in school was math. Anything numbers or accounting related I can do forever and won’t get tired.
Absolutely isn’t a fan of social media. Yes I know I need social media to promote my blog but I feel it will reach who it needs to reach when its time.
Favorite channel on television is ID Discovery. Any crime genre shows like Law & Order, Criminal Minds I enjoy mostly.
Love to read inspirational and motivational quotes on Pinterest. It’s literally my fuel on how I get through the day.
Thoroughly enjoy encouraging others, talking with them through their pain, and loving them through their obstacles.
Favorite food is veggie fajitas. 🌮
Absolute beauty junkie. Anything that has to do with hair, nails, skin, makeup, or body care I’m am a sucker for. Lip gloss is my favorite beauty product.
I mostly stick to reds and pinks when I do my at home manicure, however I am more adventurous on my pedicure.
Every since I was a little girl, pink has been my favorite color. 👚
Long bus or train rides is my idea of fun. I can sit in that seat and escape as I look out the window. Not fall asleep, not get bored. But be so in peace.
When I was younger I had an insanely large collection of stuff animals. 🦄
Up until my college years I adored everything Mickey Mouse.
Very interested and intrigued with other cultures. Their food, rituals, language, customs, clothing, and how they live I can watch, read, and learn about endlessly.
Favorite singer/artist has always been Janet Jackson.
A dream of mine is to learn sign language.
Favorite season is fall. Sweaters, lattes, brisk cold air, and the smell of cinnamon is everything.
Favorite ice cream is butter pecan.
I am a creature of habit. When I go to restaurants I will seemingly order the same dish. I’m already hungry the thought of trying something new and being disappointed, isn’t going to go well.
Love the smell of coffee. ☕️
My childhood nickname that my family still calls me to this day is Molly. My aunt gave me that name at a very young age.
Attended an all girls high school in the city of Chicago where I was born and raised. That was the best experience of my life. Yes, I went home everyday. It was a normal high school, I seem to get that question a lot.
My first car was a 2 door Ford Escort. 🚗
Favorite thing about the holidays is to decorate for Christmas.
When its time to make a decision I will always go against the grain and choose the opposite of what everyone else did.
My favorite dishes and drinks from restaurants I will try at home to make myself. I typically won’t stop until I have perfected the recipe.
When I was younger, up until college I used to say that I didn’t want to get married or have kids. Now being a mom and a wife is the air I breathe.
I love to take walks outside and escape for a little while. When I walk outside I have freed myself from everyone and everything, and literally feel like I’m the only thing and only one out there.
My zodiac sign is Leo, and I was born on Friday the 13th. 🐆
When I was a teenager I worked at the party store and on Valentines Day one year I filled so many balloon orders that my fingers began to bleed from tying them all day.
As I’ve grown older the less I’ve enjoyed eating meat. Not for any particular reason but I can go days without eating meat and won’t realize it.
I have enjoyed living a more simple life and lifestyle as of late. I realized 20 eyeshadow palettes, 20 pair of pants, or 10 coats just wasn’t doing anything for me.
Have always been a morning person. I’d rather wake up early and start the day than staying up late.
I’d rather vacation on a ski resort than on a beach. ❄️
I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little better. So often we don’t know where to start but this is a good challenge to do. This will open your eyes and awareness to some things you may not have realized. I encourage all to try it, and do so without thinking. Over time it will increase, change, and evolve because we do.
There is this misconception that being single is a bad thing and you’re not complete if you’re not in a relationship. Being single is a blessing and gift from God. One can actually have an amazing run at living the single life.
For starters, its the obvious, you have time for yourself, to yourself, and by yourself. You don’t have to worry about sharing your time and making sure they feel wanted. Being single is a blessing because you can come and go when you please.
Being single you can invest as much time as you want into your career and achieve your goals so when you’re ready for a relationship you can have time for the relationship. Another benefit to being single is learning, loving, and getting to know you. The more you have time to be with yourself, the more you’ll be able to know exactly what you want in a partner and how you want to be loved.
One being single can have an amazing life. Just because a person is single doesn’t mean they are depressed, bored, and unhappy. When you’re single you can be your own companion and love yourself the way you want to be loved. Having dinner alone is actually a good thing. Taking a vacation and enjoying your time and fruits of your labor alone is a good thing. Yes, single people take vacations all the time and have an amazing experience.
Relationships are hard work. I often tell people being married is a full time job, it is just as important if not more than the one that pays you. You have to constantly work at the relationship to have a long sustaining meaningful one. Sacrifice and compromise is one thing you don’t have to worry about when you’re single.
Single life allows you to be independent and won’t feel the need to have someone to make you feel whole, accomplished, or complete. Fulfill yourself with those things.
Once you know how to love yourself you’ll be able to show someone how to love you and you’ll be able to receive love. How you treat yourself is how you teach people how to treat you. Love on yourself so good that you’ll find amazing love with a partner one day.
Remember just because someone is married or in a relationship doesn’t mean they are happy and the relationship is good. On the other hand, just because someone is single doesn’t mean they aren’t living a great life or has less significance than someone in a relationship.
Being single is a blessing and gift from God. Don’t let your single life go to waste. Enjoy it.
C-Compassion allows us to connect with others and have meaningful relationships. The greatest act of courage is to show or have compassion for someone who have wronged you.
O-Offer your authentic self no matter who you’re around and where you are. The greatest gift we can give is our true authentic self. It takes courage to say “this is me”. Some people will love you and some won’t. That is perfectly ok.
U-Understand the source of the anger, hurt, or pain for yourself and others for that matter. Knowing the why will lead to the healing.
R-Rest. Take a break from time to time. Recharge and reset. We are human, we will get burned out at some point. It takes courage to say, “I need a break right now.”
A-Accept where you are and embrace it. We all want more, to reach higher places, and to grow. However, we have to be able to appreciate what we have now and where we are. Love that 2 bedroom apartment and appreciate it, so when you’re blessed with that 3 bedroom house, your gratitude will beam through the windows.
G-Goodness is in you. Share it with the world. You have a special gift and something to offer. Once again, it doesn’t have to be grand, the smallest gesture has the greatest good.
E-Energy is contagious. Be the energy you want to receive. When you smile at someone they smile back. Someone is having a bad day or moment, compliment them, encourage them, and make them smile.
Have you ever prayed for something and felt like you’ve been waiting for a while or it was never answered? Because we humans are emotional creatures, many times our prayers have been answered but we’re too in our head to realize it.
This lightbulb just went off for me recently. For many years I constantly said to myself and others I didn’t want a 9-5, Monday thru Friday job. The thought of doing the same thing over and over again, having no time during the week to handle business, and essentially a weekend that‘s non existent was something I wasn’t interested in.
Welp, I ate those words. Now don’t get me wrong I love being in the professional world, contributing to an office, and using what I’ve learned and went to school for. Balancing books, spreadsheets, financial reports, and budgets makes my heart flutter. However, I had so many other interest I wanted to pursue.
Recently I was honest with myself and husband in saying I no longer wanted to do a 9-5 because I wanted to pursue some other ventures. I knew I could pursue my gifts whilst making sure my family didn’t feel any effects financially.
Pre COVID-19 my attitude and emotions toward my professional job changed. I enjoy what I do, however staying until 5PM was beginning to weigh on me. I began feeling like my time was better suited at home taking care of my kids, husband, home, and personal ventures. Yes, many others would love to sit idle and make “free” money. So often I would tell family and friends I feel unproductive and I’m wasting time by sitting here.
They would respond in telling me that it’s easy, free money. Well I wasn’t happy just sitting there doing nothing knowing deep down my mind was elsewhere. So my happiness and eagerness every morning dwindled as time went on.
Now COVID-19 had come and the world went to a shut down but we continued to work through it. I was given the pleasure to choose what shift I wanted because only one person could be in the office at a time. Well that was a nice gift right there but I couldn’t receive it as a gift at that time. So anyway, I chose the 7am-1pm shift. I am a morning person. I was excited to have time to work, take care of my family, home and still have time to pursue what I wanted.
I fell in love with this shift and after weeks into the months I couldn’t envision myself going back to a nine hour day. I remember standing in my kitchen telling my husband I would love to stay on this shift because I was seeing my vision for the life I wanted to live begin to form.
Well literally God answered my prayers with in a week. My boss came to me with a proposition of remaining part time on my shift so he can bring back an old friend full time. When he approached me I felt insulted and unappreciated because he used the fact that I valued being a mom to get what he wanted. All the while it was what I wanted as well. Because it was packaged in old wrinkly wrapping paper with no bow I didn’t realize the amazing gift that was being handed to me.
Needless to say I felt every emotion. How dare he to proposition me like that. Mind you I just told my husband I wanted to stay on this shift of 7-1. So I reluctantly agreed and instantly went into my feelings.
I was angry that I was doing a full time job on part time hours. While the other person enjoy doing nothing. Remember what I said a little while ago, about how being there until 5pm, I felt like I was wasting time.
Eventually duties began getting taken away and they let it be known their preference on who they wanted to handle certain duties. Once again I’m in my feelings y’all. Because these gifts aren’t being wrapped in pretty packaging with bows I wasn’t realizing God was giving me the shift I wanted, taking away duties so I wouldn’t feel like I was doing another person job, and answering my Prayers.
Now school has started and I need to be available before and after school. Well I was once again given the gift of “let me know when you want to come in and what hours you want to work”.
No joke I literally make my schedule and work how many hours I want. At one point I was given a compliment of how I get more work done in 5 hours than a normal person does in 8 hours. I was grateful for the compliment but because these gifts I was “given” was wrapped in old paper I couldn’t fully appreciate it.
Because they would say things like, you’ve got us to a good place but we want her to handle it now, I felt some type of way. Or, you really good at what you do, but she knows how I like things done. Then I got, if you ever want to go back full time let me know because you come first. All the while I was thinking, if I’m your first priority, why are you choosing someone else over me? This was God giving me exactly what I wanted. When I spoke to my husband that day in the kitchen, God heard my cry, and delivered.
God was answering my prayers, while polishing my character and making me stronger. Letting me know, it’s not always going to be pretty. Trust in the Lord and His Will shall be done.
OMG!!! I am blessed and had to look back to see how every prayer was answered. I literally got everything I asked for. I love being a mom and wife, taking care of the house and making sure they have the time, energy, and love they need to succeed. I also love having the ability to pursue my interests and hobbies that makes me, Me. I love being able to work outside the home and provide.
Guys this has taught me to get out my head and get out my feelings because if not I would’ve missed or even lost some blessings. Just because things aren’t answered how we want them to, when we want them to be answered, and who we want God to use doesn’t mean that our prayers isn’t answered.
To Cry To Laugh Take a day off Not answer the phone Eat Cake Say you’re tired Feel anxious To Change your mind Let go and be done Feel Sad Feel Nervousness Experience an episode of depression Want to splurge and purchase something Need a vacation Want a vacation Like being alone Move to another city, state, or country Switch jobs or careers Disconnect from the world from time to time Say No Say Yes Ask for what you want Feel how you feel Be who you are Protect yourself…or others Be different Look different Try something different Want to just do nothing Be confused Start over…more than once It is ok to not be ok