3 NEWLYWED SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE

Now that I’ve been married for 16 years this September, I can honestly say it’s been a ride. A good ride, but there were some mistakes I made as a newlywed. Honestly, so many men and women make mistakes as newlyweds. It’s the growth and journey that makes it worth it. Here are 3 newlywed mistakes I made. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM

Making Myself Too Available
Starting off, I wanted to make our bond, relationship, and unit as strong as possible. Going in, we both fell into our ”role” and mine was the super homemaker while he provided financially. My everyday routine and life was dedicated to ensure he didn’t have to lift a finger. There wasn’t anything for him to worry about. Even when he came home I was all ears on how his long day went. I watched whatever it is he watched to spend time with him, get interested in his interest, and to have someone to talk to. Although I was doing what I thought a wife should be, my mental and emotional needs was placed on the back burner. I felt like because I didn’t work outside the home I didn’t deserve anything. Not even a tube of lipstick.

Sometimes I would deliver him lunch at work when he wanted it. But then when I did get the guts to want to do something it was like lightening struck. He didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t there. I made him so comfortable that it was becoming codependent. One day talking to my brother he said ”stop making yourself too available”. I had never thought about it that way. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to as a wife. Now years later we have this thing figured out. When I tell him I need a break, order pizza, and figure it out for yourself, he gets it. He does whatever he needs to ensure I’m ok.

Put The Kids First
So once again I thought (or we both) top priority was taking care of the kids. Giving them the life we desired them to have. Going above and beyond to provide. There was a point I went back to school for my medical billing coding certification. The professor asked us, “who was the most important person in my life.” Without hesitation , I said my kids. He immediately responded with shock and said, ”I thought you’d say your husband.” In my head, and my husbands, we put the kids first over everything.

Well now I understand why it’s important to put your spouse first. The kids are going to be loved and cared for no matter what. But my husband was there first and he is the reason I have kids. Now we make sure to put our marriage and relationship first. We have our date nights, tell the kids we need some time together , and got rid of the guilt. We used to feel so guilty for doing something for ourselves. The kids are fine. Actually it’s better and healthy for them to see mommy and daddy loving on each other. Now they tell us go out and have a date we’ll be fine.

I Lost Me
I completely gave up everything. My dreams, hopes, and desires. Mom and wife was my title and I couldn’t have anything else. So I thought. Whatever I wanted to do, create, or start I forgot about and convinced myself I couldn’t do it. Something as simple as voicing what I wanted to eat became, ”whatever you guys want I’ll eat.” My sense of individuality was gone.

I did the bare minimum when it came to my appearance. I didn’t play in makeup, workout as much, watch my diet, read, write, or any other hobbies I desired. Don’t get me wrong, I dreamed like crazy. It was burning inside me, but I didn’t pursue anything. Now I completely made up for it, because when I did start I dabbled in everything. It makes for a better relationship and marriage.

Those are just 3 mistakes that I made in the beginning of my marriage. We have this idea or is taught to be a certain way. When the right way is what you and your partner decides. Just like life, marriage is a journey. Who you were at the beginning isn’t who you are year 3, year 7, or year 15. It’s about growth, communication, and understanding it’s a never ending road.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

KEY TO HAPPINESS: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO

”Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”-Buddha

There are several keys to happiness. Do whatever you want to do. Whenever someone asks me where do I begin, I literally tell them to do whatever it is you want to do or been dying to do. For some of us, this step is difficult and often skipped over.

The key to being happy and not feeling weighed down is living the life you want to live not how others think you should live. We all have received unsolicited advice, opinions, and directions as to what someone else think we should do.

I know many people who’ve been criticized for not working in the field they received their college degree in. What’s it to them? Especially if they aren’t paying your bills, feeding your children, and you don’t work for them.

How many times have you been subjected to criticism because you wanted to change careers, go back to school, or move away. From experience, I moved out of state, and my family feels like I abandoned them, and left the family. Therefore, that is why I’m often treated like an outcast. Did it hurt me when they told me that, absolutely. But I quickly reminded myself the vision I have for my life and my children’s life going forward. MENTAL HEALTH REMINDER: OPINIONS DON’T DEFINE YOU

The key to being happy in doing what you want to do, is knowing you are doing it for you. You can’t live your life for others. Whether you do it or not, someone is always going to have something to say. As my mother used to tell me when I was younger, “you’re doing something right cause you are on their mind.”

So wouldn’t you rather live happily doing what you want to do instead of being unhappy doing what others think you should be doing? Furthermore, what do you have to lose? If you lose relationships because you choose to live your life, then those relationships wasn’t as solid as you thought. Ok, if you start a new business venture and lose money, that will sour things a bit, but God will always provide and provide another opportunity.

One of my first keys to happiness is doing what you want to do. Most often we are unhappy because we are settling. We’ve boxed ourselves into a position to make others feel comfortable and because ”this is what society says you should be doing”, or this is how it’s always been.

If you are struggling, confused, and feel cornered, push your way out by making decisions to do what you want to do. You don’t just have to be one thing. I love doing many things, yes my college degree is in Business Administration. But I’m a certified medical billing coder, licensed insurance agent, freelancer, and other things. You have every right to connect to every part of who you are.

Be well on your journey.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SIMPLE DAYS ARE THE BEST DAYS

So often we have this misconception that each day has to be filled with an event or something big happening. When in actuality, the simple days are the best days. As I’ve matured and go on this journey I love having a simple full productive day.

What Does That Look Like:

It starts off with me sleeping in with my husband. The both of us not getting up at 5a.m. and can lay there to watch the sun come through the window is peace, love, joy, and calmness. Hearing my kids gradually wakeup when they are ready instead of me waking them up to get ready for school I love hearing. To see their personalities and who likes to get up early and who likes to sleep in is amazing.

Next, it’s getting dressed in my comfortable lounge around house clothes, but still cute enough to go to the store. Having a moment getting showered, dressed, and ready for the day triggers the positive side of my brain. Doing my skincare routine and making sure I’m presentable and feel good about myself sets my mood.

After that, opening up blinds, curtains, and windows to let the natural sunlight and air come through. When you allow nature to come in, it opens your eyes, heart, and mind to a new spiritual realm. It makes you want to go out for a walk, lifts your spirits, and know darkness is only temporary. SELF CARE HABITS: 8 DAILY HABITS TO FEEL YOUR BEST

Fixing breakfast for my family and having the smell of coffee coming from the brewer makes me feel good and excites me. I love being a mom and wife. Taking care of my family is something I pride myself on. They are the air I breathe.

After everyone has had breakfast they break off and do whatever it is they heart desires. This is having a simple day that is the best. My daughter goes to draw and use her creativity. My sons and husband get in their time on the video game. While I, do laundry, edit blog post, post listings on Poshmark, do a quick tidy around the house, or go for a walk.

That may take a couple of hours and then my daughter and I will play in hair and makeup. She may want me to change her hairstyle while I go and play in new makeup I’ve purchased. Either way spending quality time with her is the best.

Well, now it’s early evening and we’re hungry. So we decide to go have dinner. Having dinner out is fun, great conversation with the kids, and good family time. The kids are talking without prompts and we’re all engaged because they aren’t distracted with their phones. After dinner we may go to the store and get ice cream or walk around because the kids just want to go buy ”something.”

Lastly, we go home unwind, shower, and wash the day off. Maybe watch some movie or find something to binge watch. Sometimes we get alone time because the kids are off doing their own thing and other times they may join us in whatever we watch.

The beauty of this simple day is that it was filled with love, family, gratitude, and variety. All while doing ”nothing” I was able to sleep in, spend time with my husband alone, have family time, get a little work done, and still have time to rest. I can’t ask for a better day.

Simple days are the best days. Don’t stress yourself out trying to ”make” the day fun or exciting. You are already fun and exciting. Focus on what you have and the small details and the best simple day will come to you. You don’t have to do anything extra to have a great day. When you wake up expect to have a great day no matter what.

#SelfCareSaturday

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.