Now that I’ve been married for 16 years this September, I can honestly say it’s been a ride. A good ride, but there were some mistakes I made as a newlywed. Honestly, so many men and women make mistakes as newlyweds. It’s the growth and journey that makes it worth it. Here are 3 newlywed mistakes I made. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM

Making Myself Too Available
Starting off, I wanted to make our bond, relationship, and unit as strong as possible. Going in, we both fell into our ”role” and mine was the super homemaker while he provided financially. My everyday routine and life was dedicated to ensure he didn’t have to lift a finger. There wasn’t anything for him to worry about. Even when he came home I was all ears on how his long day went. I watched whatever it is he watched to spend time with him, get interested in his interest, and to have someone to talk to. Although I was doing what I thought a wife should be, my mental and emotional needs was placed on the back burner. I felt like because I didn’t work outside the home I didn’t deserve anything. Not even a tube of lipstick.

Sometimes I would deliver him lunch at work when he wanted it. But then when I did get the guts to want to do something it was like lightening struck. He didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t there. I made him so comfortable that it was becoming codependent. One day talking to my brother he said ”stop making yourself too available”. I had never thought about it that way. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to as a wife. Now years later we have this thing figured out. When I tell him I need a break, order pizza, and figure it out for yourself, he gets it. He does whatever he needs to ensure I’m ok.

Put The Kids First
So once again I thought (or we both) top priority was taking care of the kids. Giving them the life we desired them to have. Going above and beyond to provide. There was a point I went back to school for my medical billing coding certification. The professor asked us, “who was the most important person in my life.” Without hesitation , I said my kids. He immediately responded with shock and said, ”I thought you’d say your husband.” In my head, and my husbands, we put the kids first over everything.

Well now I understand why it’s important to put your spouse first. The kids are going to be loved and cared for no matter what. But my husband was there first and he is the reason I have kids. Now we make sure to put our marriage and relationship first. We have our date nights, tell the kids we need some time together , and got rid of the guilt. We used to feel so guilty for doing something for ourselves. The kids are fine. Actually it’s better and healthy for them to see mommy and daddy loving on each other. Now they tell us go out and have a date we’ll be fine.

I Lost Me
I completely gave up everything. My dreams, hopes, and desires. Mom and wife was my title and I couldn’t have anything else. So I thought. Whatever I wanted to do, create, or start I forgot about and convinced myself I couldn’t do it. Something as simple as voicing what I wanted to eat became, ”whatever you guys want I’ll eat.” My sense of individuality was gone.

I did the bare minimum when it came to my appearance. I didn’t play in makeup, workout as much, watch my diet, read, write, or any other hobbies I desired. Don’t get me wrong, I dreamed like crazy. It was burning inside me, but I didn’t pursue anything. Now I completely made up for it, because when I did start I dabbled in everything. It makes for a better relationship and marriage.

Those are just 3 mistakes that I made in the beginning of my marriage. We have this idea or is taught to be a certain way. When the right way is what you and your partner decides. Just like life, marriage is a journey. Who you were at the beginning isn’t who you are year 3, year 7, or year 15. It’s about growth, communication, and understanding it’s a never ending road.

Be well on your journey.


Be you so you can be free.


Throughout sometime in our life, we’re going to have to be ok with not having all the answers. So often we put our dreams on hold because we are waiting on “XYZ” to happen. Well, what usually end up happening is, “XYZ” never happens. Then excuse after excuse is used or we just give up hope all together. In many aspects of life, it’s ok to not have some answers and just go for it.

One can think they have all the answers, and then a wrench is thrown in. Life experience tells us, it’s impossible to have all the answers. Sometimes the best decisions are made with just winging it on a prayer. Of course, we want to have the answers to every what if. But that means we will know the outcome. That’s just not realistic or ideal.

The journey and experience of going through the process will make you mentally and emotionally stronger. You’ll get to see the strength you thought you didn’t have. Through each obstacle, patience and courage will show you what you really are made of.

If there is anything you’ve been dying to do or have been on your mind for a while, just go for it. Start with what you have and let the process play out. Everything doesn’t have to be in place for you to make your move. There is true enjoyment in learning as you go. Going though the steps and process of figuring things out will give you the motivation needed to see things through.

It’s ok to not have answers and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that. It’s impossible to figure out all the unknowns. Hence, they are the unknowns for a reason. If you continue to wait to have all the answers then you’ll never live the life you want.

We will never have everything we need or all the answers we need to make certain decisions and moves in life. The longer we wait the more time we are on the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s. If you are wanting to go back to school, change careers, move to another state, start a business, or anything else just go for it.

Take a leap of faith and believe in yourself. Know that you have what it takes to fulfill whatever your heart desire. Go for it!!!!!!


Be you so you can be free.


My biggest lesson of this week is TIME!!!!!!!. Specifically anything you’re planning, creating, or building it takes time. Time is key. Once you lose it, you can’t get it back. On the other hand, the time is now to take a leap of faith and do what you’ve been putting off. Along with time, having the patience to go through the obstacle course is key. The growth of your business requires discipline in using time wisely as well as having patience.

If you want whatever you’re creating or building to be sustainable or have any kind of value, my best advice is “give it time.” You don’t have to have all the answers. Therefore, trying to complete everything at once or in a day is impossible. Let things simmer and develop. Anything worth having will take time and patience.

Exercising patience and time allows you to flow through instead of the process being forced. Remember you don’t want to have all the answers. You want to grow and learn as much as you can. Time and patience are essential no matter what adventure you are on.

Time is our most important asset and it takes a significant amount of time to have patience. Even if you’re trying to over come an emotional trauma. Time is key for any healing. Having the patience to give the healing time is even more key. Your growth to overcome or build anything relies on your use of time and being patient.

What do you do in the waiting period? Educate yourself as much as possible. Reading and watching as much material as you can about your business is work. Knowing the background of anything will help you build a better foundation.

If you’re in a waiting period during your healing process, learn how your actions helped or hurt any situation. Work on yourself inside and out. Take up a hobby or do something that sparks your interest. The best answers to what we’re looking for happens in our waiting period.

In the end, remember to take your time and have patience to let things pan out how they are supposed to. Don’t rush anything, instead learn the lesson in the waiting period. Alas, enjoy every moment.


Be you so you can be free.