5 Things I Do To Break The Parenting Cycle

Parenting is a journey of growth and reflection. As parents, we often find ourselves looking back on our own childhoods, contemplating what we wish had been different, and striving to create a better environment for our children. As I prepare to send my first born off to college reflection as a parent is holding me hostage. Here are five key things I allow my kids to do that I couldn’t, and how these changes are fostering a healthier, more supportive family environment.

smiling mother and baby looking at camera

1. Allowing Them to Have Their Own Emotions

Growing up, emotions were often considered inconvenient or unwelcome. Or simply put, you are a child and children aren’t allowed to have “attitudes “. There was little room for expressing feelings, and we were often expected to suppress them. I’ve made a conscious decision to allow my children to have their own emotions. They are encouraged to express how they feel, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or fear. Emotions are a natural part of being human, and by allowing my kids to feel and express them, I’m helping them develop emotional intelligence and resilience. Most importantly as they all have reached teenagers, I learn immensely from them. GROWTH BEGINS WITH UNLEARNING

2. Encouraging Genuine Expression

Not only was I not allowed to express my emotions freely, but sometimes I was even told how to feel or think. This invalidation of personal experience can be deeply damaging. As you grow and heal you have to learn that your feelings and emotions are valid. I ensure that my children know their feelings are valid and important. I listen to them without judgment and offer support rather than directives. This approach helps them trust their own emotions and thoughts, fostering a strong sense of self and emotional autonomy.

3. Allowing Them to Ask Questions

In my childhood, questioning authority or the status quo was often discouraged. Curiosity is a vital part of learning and growth, so I encourage my children to ask questions about the world around them. Whether it’s about school subjects, social issues, or our family’s rules, their inquiries are met with patience and respect. By encouraging their curiosity, I’m helping them become critical thinkers and confident individuals. This shows up when you go into the working world and not have the confidence to negotiate and you accept whatever is given.

4. Giving Them Space to Be Alone or Have a Bad Day

Everyone needs a moment alone sometimes, or simply has a bad day. Growing up, needing space or expressing discontent was often seen as problematic. I allow my children to take time for themselves when they need it and acknowledge that it’s okay to have bad days. This teaches them the importance of self-care and self-compassion, and it helps them understand that it’s normal to experience ups and downs. Ah, having three teenagers, I learned quickly to read their emotions and ask them “do you need a minute?”

5. Encouraging Good Grades, Not Demanding Perfection

Academic success was heavily emphasized in my upbringing, often to the point of demanding straight A’s. This created immense pressure and stress. With my children, I encourage them to do their best and to ask for help when they need it, but I don’t demand perfection. Good grades are important, but their mental health and well-being are paramount. By focusing on effort and improvement rather than perfection, I’m helping them develop a healthier attitude towards learning and personal growth. Each one of my kids are vastly different and learn differently.

Breaking the cycle of restrictive and emotionally stifling parenting practices is not easy, but it’s essential for fostering a healthier, more supportive family environment. By allowing my children to have their own emotions, encouraging genuine expression, supporting their curiosity, giving them space when needed, and focusing on effort rather than perfection, I’m creating a nurturing space where they can grow into emotionally intelligent, confident, and resilient individuals. Key word, “safe space.”

As parents, we have the power to change the narrative for our children. Let’s strive to create a world where they feel valued, understood, and free to be themselves. It’s a journey of growth for both parents and children, but the rewards are immeasurable. Together, we can break the cycle and build a foundation of love, respect, and support.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2023

Today isn’t just for those who are suffering or going through something. World mental health day is for people to increase their awareness, knowledge, and understanding regarding mental health. There are many stigmas, still, regarding mental health. On this world mental health day, here are a couple of reminders to keep in mind.

the phrase mental health on a sheet of fabric

-You don’t have to be clinically diagnosed to experience anxiety, depression, panic attack, or any other type of disorder. Our everyday life experiences may cause us to have a bout of anxiety or depression. It doesn’t have to be something big or major life event. I had a coworker just express how she wasn’t doing well. It wasn’t anything specific. But she said I turned 60 this year, mom just passed, dealing with insurance and packing her home, my daughter turned 18, I’m in a long distance relationship and I don’t know if I should downsize or move. Sorting through all that at once does takes away some of the spunk she usually has.

-Mental illness doesn’t have a “look”. We should get rid of this idea that there is a look. Often times it’s the least person we expect to battle a mental health issue.

-Fighting through pain and tears isn’t a sign of strength . Actually saying I’m tired, stressed, need a break, confused, have too much going on, feel off, is a sign of strength. Just think back to when someone found out you were going through something and you didn’t tell them right away, they were upset . Why? Because they wanted to help. They love and care for you. Even if it’s just to be an ear. You’re never alone.

-Your courage to speak up and say “I’m not ok” will inspire others to say “you know I’m not either.” That goes for women and men. Then guess what, you all can work through and be each other support systems. You don’t have to do it alone. 6 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS FOR BAD DAYS

-Find you a safe space. Most people probably grew up with a family or environment where saying I’m not ok wasn’t supported or welcomed. Therefore, they learned to suppress and deny their feelings. Find a friend or two, coworker, journal, pastor, or even stranger. I’ve come to learn most of the time we just want to get it out . No response needed. A solution doesn’t need to be offered. Just hear me out. I don’t know how many times working from home and talking to people all over the country I had lengthy conversations with. I’m talking 2 hours. Yes, I eventually got a policy written, but allowing them to vent their frustration and anger, validating their feelings, and offering encouragement through sharing something similar left them with hope and motivation. Many times I heard thank you for listening and talking to me. I can’t talk to my family because they just blow me off. Sometimes talking to strangers is easier than talking to family. No judgement, fear, or gaslighting.

-Learn to cope through the experiences and emotions. Acknowledge whatever you are feeling or thinking. Ask yourself why am I feeling like this or responding in this manner. What do I need to feel better. Is it attainable. If not, how can I ensure I’m ok without it. What can I do on a daily to help me mentally prepare myself. Denying or delaying your emotions only makes it snow ball. Which can lead to other unhealthy behaviors.

-There’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a therapist. Some go monthly, weekly, or when needed. One day at work a coworker said I’m going to be late coming back from lunch because I needed an appointment with a therapist. I’m just crying too much and overly emotional. PERFECT!!!!!!

If you feel ok that is amazing and awesome. Please share with others how you do it. In the meantime, check on your loved ones. Those that are short fused, always seem triggered, overly emotional, not showing any emotion, angry all the time, never have anything good to say, sleeping too much, not sleeping at all, drinking or binge eating, no appetite, always happy, never angry or sad, nothing ever bothers them, or withdrawn all needs to be checked on.

Lastly, on this world mental health day, check in with you. You come first. Make sure you’re available, overflowing, and whole before pouring into someone else. How are you doing? What do you need? Nothing is ever too small or too big.

World mental health day is a day for us to increase awareness, understanding, and knowledge to support ourselves and others.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

HEALING THROUGH PAIN: THE PAIN IS TEMPORARY

In order to grow, heal, and become the person we want, we must endure some emotional and mental pain first. Healing comes through pain. We must first go to the beginning and to the those dark places that we want to forget about. The first step in healing, is to be willing to go through the pain.

Let’s think about this: We are willing to birth children. Why? Because we know those contractions are temporary. The pain of childbirth is temporary. In our minds, we know we are going to heal in weeks or months to come. All while enjoying the fruits of our labor, our new baby. In that same light, we are only revisiting the trauma temporarily. We are only there to see why it happened and how we can move forward. Once we get the understanding of the who, what, why, and how it’s time to leave, heal, and grow.

Once we grow through the pain, the likely hood of going back is slim to none. By this time we’ve learned communication, boundaries, and self worth. In the event, that we do slip up, because we are human, it won’t be as bad as the first time. Our experience, previous healing and pain, allows us to recognize signs to prevent any situations getting as worse as the first. MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL: JUST LET IT GO

If we think about this in every day life, we are willing to endure temporary pain because we know it’s going to produce the outcome we want. On a daily we get laser hair removal treatments, waxing, tattoos, and piercings. Why? Because it’s going to produce an outcome we want and are willing to endure the pain for. Let’s go a step further when we get surgeries, of all kind. Either to lose weight, enhance features, or to correct an insecurity. Going into the surgery you have prepped, planned, and prepared for the healing process.

Well guess what, we know what the outcome is going to be if we are willing to endure the pain of emotional and mentally healing. Having anxiety, depression, or panic attacks are a result of some insecurities or unhealed traumas. The end result is becoming a happier, self confident, developed, and balanced individual. The ability to begin living the life you desire without regrets or fear is priceless. It would be better than any pain paid for.

If you are holding back or attempting to go around the pain instead of through the pain, then I encourage you to tackle it head on. It’s only temporary. Furthermore, it won’t be as bad as you think. The enlightenment you’re going to receive about yourself, others, family, and friends will be so eye opening. Trust yourself and heal through the pain.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.