HE WASN’T MAD AT ME

After 30 minutes of crying my eyes out and going for a walk, I realized he wasn’t mad at me. One day my brother called me and immediately from hello, I knew he was heated. Now, I’m still being my normal self because in my mind I know it’s not towards me or about me. “Did you know auntie moved to Vegas?” I answered, yes. Well what do I get for being honest.

He yelled, cursed, and went on a tangent about how he’s always the last to know anything. The family only calls him when they want or need something. I’m stunned and confused because it had been more than a week or so that she moved. She told me she was going to call everyone with her new address and information. So I’m thinking to myself, she hasn’t gotten around to it. My aunt had this grand plan to tell everyone because she was hosting Thanksgiving this year.

Well after about 2 attempts of me trying to get a word in, he said “I see how y’all are, if that’s how you want to be, fine!!” He hung up on me. I looked at my husband and we both were confused. Immediately I burst into tears, ran upstairs, put on my walking clothes, grabbed my earbuds and went out for a walk. My husband was trying to catch me but I just had to go. My brother and I have always been close, never had arguments or disagreements, always one another confidant, and I just couldn’t believe he spoke to me the way he did. GROWTH TIP: YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANYONE

Now the old me kicked in for a minute and instantly said I’m not calling him, I’m not answering his calls, and he has done it for himself. But then after 30 minutes it clicked, he wasn’t mad at me. Thank God for journaling, prayer, meditation, and inner healing. Here’s what I figured out:

He was mad at my aunt but couldn’t express that due to ego, hurt, and lack of understanding. Now my aunt and him were like two peas in a pot. They had the best relationship. He was upset because he felt like they had an unbreakable bond and he wasn’t the first person she told. Every time I tried to encourage him to think about it in another perspective, he shot me down.
Which leads me to, when someone has something already made up in their mind there is no way to get them to think about things differently. Especially if they haven’t done internal work to understand their triggers, misunderstandings, and communication.
This is exactly what they mean when they say, don’t take things personally. It had nothing to do with me. He was upset with her and I was the one who answered the phone. My brother is a self admitted people pleaser, he doesn’t like when people think negative of him, and my aunt is the one who was able to get to him. So he felt betrayal probably.
For me, it’s a reminder that you have to remain emotionally sound to ensure you don’t damage yourself, others, and relationships. If I would have reacted and matched his emotions, tone, and demeanor it would have took a turn that would have been difficult to come back from. In the very beginning of the call I was able to recognize he just wanted to get out what he made up in his head and a response wasn’t wanted, needed, or required.
Don’t let others anger, feelings, and misunderstandings change you or how you feel. Be who you are and when there is an opportunity for encouragement and inspiration then give it. It will be received and comprehended when it’s settled.

I had to look back at this exchange and say I’m proud of myself. This allowed me to answer the phone when he called me again, have a conversation, and continue to be brother and sister. The cherry on top was, I told my husband I don’t want or need an apology. I’m ok. I just want him to get to a point where he doesn’t have to people please and prove himself. What he doesn’t realize is, it was more of a reminder for me to continue to do the work.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

BEST THING I HEARD THIS WEEK

”If you want more, then do more. If you’re happy with the relationship you have, then don’t do anything. It’s totally up to you. There is no right or wrong answer.”

One day at work someone in the office got a phone call. Of course they put it on speaker and I was able to hear the conversation. The woman asked if she should call a certain person for their birthday and wish them a happy birthday.

SideNote: I don’t know the exact relation of the woman and person in the office. Also I wasn’t able to get a clear picture on who had the lucky birthday and their relation as well. But it was clear they all knew each and were kind of close.

It was clear from her tone there was an internal conflict. She was confused, wanted to do the right thing, and was looking for the answer either way. You know, we wall have those moments where you just want someone to tell you Yay or Nay. Looking for the answer or validation in your confused state.

When he responded with “are you happy where the relationship is?” And then said “”If you want more, then do more. If you’re happy with the relationship you have, then don’t do anything. It’s totally up to you. There is no right or wrong answer.” I perked up and my antennas went up. You know I love a good quote or food for thought. Favorite Iyanla Vanzant Quotes: MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRING

What he said resonated not only in relationships, but in life. If you want more in your career then do more. If you want more in your spiritual journey then do more, if you are ok then do nothing. No matter what the circumstance or situation is you have the power to make the decision. And guess what, because it’s your decision, it’s the right one. What’s right for me may not be right for you. But it’s your choice.

If you are having an internal conflict about something, simply ask yourself are you happy in it’s current state. Do I want more? Do I need more? Am I ok with where I am or what I have? Will I be ok if I don’t get anything? Then answer your own questions. Proceed accordingly.

It will always work out because you resolved it for yourself. Yes, we want others opinions, sometimes validation, and for someone to just give us the answer. But will it be right within you. The choice is yours. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO UNPLUG

”Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you. -Anne Lamott

I took a break. A long break. Sometimes the best thing you can do is unplug and step away from everything. Taking a break gives you your power back, gives you clarity, and energy to continue on whatever path your life is taking you.

One of the best outcomes of me taking a break has been my self awareness. The immense power you have when you can be self aware to know and understand why you respond, react, or do certain things. Self awareness takes courage, patience, and practice. You will go on a roller coaster ride to get to the top.

For about two months, as it became closer and closer for me to clock in for work, I would have heart palpitations, sweaty palms, sudden flow of tears, body was jittery, and a huge lump in my throat. All while spending the prior hour meditating, journaling, and praying. Even after doing all I could, I still had a physical reaction. Even when I got off, all I could think about was what I had to do, what was next, and how I can trick my mind into thinking everything was ok. My weekends felt like quick sand. They would go by so fast and all I could think about is how I didn’t want to go to work.

So I started to listen to my body and the response it was giving me that I couldn’t control. YOUR MIND AND BODY GIVES YOU ALL THE ANSWERS YOU NEED Why am I feeling like this? What is it that I have anxiety about? Do I want to do this? I finally had to admit to myself, that I was psyching myself out and pumping myself up just to go to work. One morning talking to my husband without thinking I said “I am not happy and I don’t want to do this.”

I couldn’t believe I said it, but I felt a huge burden lifted. After I admitted that, it was easy for me to realize how much time I spent convincing myself “it’s not a big deal”, “anybody would love to have that job”, “do you know how many people would love to make the money you make”, and so many other thoughts.

The self awareness gave me the power and strength to not care what others would say or do. Determine if I leave or not. I literally made the decision to do what was best for me and it hasn’t been more freeing.

I have absolutely no anxiety going to work. There isn’t a thought of “ugh I have to go to work.” I enjoy my weekend and my Mondays aren’t blue. 6 TIPS FOR MONDAY MORNING BLUES

In taking a break I also learned what a truly makes me happy. Do you ever have trouble answering that question,”What makes you happy?” Being still you understand, realize, and appreciate the things that make you happy. After taking my power back through self awareness, I was able to confidently say what I wanted my happiness to be like and feel like. Without shame, guilt, or embarrassment.

I love doing my morning skincare routine. It makes me feel like I’m preparing myself for the day. It brightens me not only physically but mentally. My morning skincare routine also gives me confidence and strength to go out and put my best foot forward. I love eating good heart healthy foods to keep my blood pressure and health in order. Drinking water to ensure my body is hydrated and cleansed makes me feel good. Working out, sweating, and releasing negative energy is my mental therapy. Nothing clears my mind daily like a good walk. My nighttime skincare and bath routine calms me, allows me to leave the day that day, and prepare for a clean slate the next.

Unplugging and taking a break allowed me to strengthen relationships, strengthen boundaries, and resolve any limiting factors that was prohibiting me from being me. There was a point in my break that I said aloud for the first time, “the mother I wanted or needed I would never have.” How can I participate in what she has to offer without being so drained mentally and emotionally ? That felt like I lost hundreds of pounds in a day. Again, without guilt, shame, or anger I was able to come to grips and set clear boundaries on what kind of relationship I can participate in.

I have never felt so free, happy, and light.

My mental clarity and self awareness has given me an understanding and healing to want to know how to communicate better. Understand what a person needs from me. Also to be honest with myself and others on what I can offer or not. Amazingly, in a conversation with my aunt, unknowingly, I said “auntie I can’t give you what you need or looking for, but I can help you get to what you need and looking for.”

The fact that I was mentally and emotionally in tuned with myself and empathetic to her, allowed me to create boundaries, validate her, and be honest with her and myself was energetic in my body.

One of my prayers everyday is for strength to do the mission I am handed. Take it from me, it’s ok to take a break. Even if you don’t know what you need or want. If there is too much going on in your head and body, unplug. Sometimes you can do all you can, journal, pray, meditate, and you still need to unplug. To be honest, it’s not even a bad idea to take a break every so often to regroup. Life is going to life. Have a great weekend.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

FAMILY AND CAREER: CAN YOU HAVE BOTH?

This is something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile now. Can you have both: family and career. Some says yes and others says no. Both are full time jobs. Due to my husband position I was the one who had to be extremely flexible and sacrifice. With that being said, I knew I wanted to be present mentally and emotionally for my kids. I only have them for a short amount of time before they expand their wings and go on their own. Conversations with those of my generation, one of the common themes was lack of emotional support. Having a parent interested them, their thoughts, feelings, interest, views, likes, and dislikes.

I’ve watched some friends and family members raise their children completely different and saw outcomes that support both.

First we have the one parent that says I have to work and pay the bills. This parent works two jobs. By the time she gets home her children are in bed. She hasn’t seen them since they left for the school bus. She says they’ve text throughout the day and they are ok. Are they really? Also she believes they love hanging out with their friends and they don’t care if she goes to work. But for some reason one daughter is always calling her at work saying she’s sick. She wants her mom to come pick her up and stay with her at home. She sends dad.

She says they have everything they ask for. That’s why I’m working so much. I take them on a vacation every summer. We have a lake house. I have to work and have my life. She’s right. But is there a cost.

Then she says there’s no need to go to parent teacher conference. Her kids aren’t failing. She thinks her kids doesn’t want her at events, they don’t care. She and her husband told their son because they had to work 2 jobs he couldn’t join baseball because they couldn’t commit. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM

On the other hand, we have the one who says I’m going to go to every event, game, show, award ceremony my kid have. I’ll live a subtle life to spend time with the kids. They don’t need name brand stuff all the time. She works just under 40 hours and leaves at 4pm because she says getting off at 5pm is too late for her to start her evening with the kids. They have TV shows they watch together. They eat dinner together. She’s the carpool mom and is very inquisitive about their friends and social life.

She says she’s being a concerned mom. She wants to know everything about them and be there for them. Is there a such thing as a helicopter mom?

Yes kids love having “stuff”. But at the end of the day they want mom or dad there. Not necessarily engaging, but available. They want that comfort and security of knowing you’re around. Or else the risk of the kids learning and finding their way without you can hurt them and the relationship.

No one can put 100% in two things. Being present physically, is different from being present mentally and emotionally. Kids really don’t care about the money.

A couple weeks ago my daughter had an award ceremony because she was nominated for Student Of The Month. During this ceremony there were also other awards given for different categories and grades. Sure the ceremony was on a Friday morning at 9am. They had coffee, donuts, milk and water for us to snack on with our kid until the ceremony started. We were able to mix and mingle with the other parents as well.

However, it broke my heart so bad that a couple of kids didn’t have parents to show. These were huge awards that all teachers and counselors voted on for a particular student. They were eating donuts alone. Looking so sad. At one point I even told my daughter to go tell one student to come sit with us. I just couldn’t help it.

When their name were called up, the counselor read the loving note from the teacher that nominated them. They received their award and took photos. The body language and the barely there smile killed me. At some point I heard a little guy say, my mom couldn’t come she had to work.

Yes you have to work. May not be able to get off every time. But unfortunately, the only things the kids see and remember is being alone at some pretty great moments. No material thing can get rid of that.

Of course, family dynamics, finances, and type of career makes a difference.

So can you really have it all? Family and Career.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

LIFE IS GOING TO LIFE

I had to take a little break. Rethink some things. Reset my expectations. I NEED TO RESET MY EXPECTATIONS Basically allowed life to life. I found myself on auto pilot. Just going like a hamster on a wheel. This new position isn’t what I expected, hoped for, or really enjoying for me. So I’ve been doing a lot to give it my all and give it a chance. In doing so, it has caused me to miss time on other hobbies and interest of mine.

blackboard with your life matters inscription on black background

First I made it a point to be intentional about everything I did in a day. One day I looked back and realized by 9a.m. I’m on my third load of laundry. Some will say that’s great. You’re being productive. Yes, I enjoy being a mom and wife. But I’m so much more than that. Which lead me to question can I really have both, a career and family. But I’ll save that for a later post.

While doing laundry, I was also cooking breakfast, rotating the dishes from the dishwasher, straightening the living room, drinking my protein shake, checking the to do list for the day, and getting everyone out the house on time. Sounds good right. Sort of. I became so good at multitasking many things and wearing many hats, by the time I sat at my desk to work my mind was already like “girl give me a moment.”

So now I literally do one thing at a time. I get myself together and come downstairs. Have a moment and drink my protein shake while taking my medicine. Then I’d cook breakfast for the kids. While cooking breakfast I’ll listen to Joel Osteen for some encouragement. After breakfast then I’ll clean up and do any dishes that needs to be done.

Next, I focus on laundry. Make sure the laundry is separated and ready to go. In between time, giving myself permission to sit for a few minutes before drop off. Just taking a moment to breath and just be.

Before work I was also doing too many things. I would finalize and complete any contracts from my freelancing hobby. Manage and list any new items on Poshmark. Respond to messages. Plus try to take notes, edit, and draft a blog post. I had to stop that. Now I schedule time for each. Instead, after drop off, I sit in front of the window enjoying my coffee and the sun or rain if it’s raining.

Lastly, before turning on my computer I would journal for 10 minutes to calm and relax my mind. Me being intentional about everything I do has helped me calm myself. Not feel guilty for wanting to take a break or multi tasking. So often we get multitasking and being productive confused. You can complete one thing at a time and still be productive. As a matter of fact, you’d be more productive.

Even in my evening and night routine I ensure I’m being intentional. I no longer try to cook, fold clothes, clean, watch tv, and then workout. I give myself grace and permission.

If you are struggling to focus. Sleep. Aren’t happy. Feel like you’re on auto pilot. Stressed. Jumpy. Anxious. Empty inside. Numb. Take a step back, evaluate your day and what you’re doing in a day and how much you are doing. Take the cape off. We are human beings not machines. Give yourself permission to slow down. Throughly go through one task. Learn and grow.

You know the eye opener for me was my daughter. My husband and I sat back one day and watched her routine. When they get home from school they’re always hungry. So I try to have something ready or almost ready to eat. One particular day we noticed the plate was on the counter a little longer. We again let her know her plate was ready.

Well she was changing her clothes. My daughter everyday gets out her school clothes. Take her jewelry off and place in the jewelry box in the spaces they belong. Pull her hair out of her face. Freshen up in the bathroom. Then come downstairs and get her plate. Honey she unwinds. I took note.

My night routine I truly enjoy and unwind the day. I have a cut off time for everything. Whatever didn’t get done by that cut off time, oh well. It can wait. I unwind to ensure my mind is clear and my heart is light.

Life is going to life. If you don’t slow down and be intentional it will pass you by. Finding yourself unhappy and unfulfilled.

Are you living intentionally?

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

ALL IT TAKES IS A SMILE

I’ve watched a ton of videos and read many articles from successful business owners and entrepreneurs. One going theme was they went into business to serve, solve a problem, make someone else life easier, and to give back. Then the financial gain came from that. It’s so cliche, and we see it everywhere we turn today, to be kind and make someone else smile. It’s free to smile, wave, be positive, say thank you, please, and to ask someone how their day is going. In turn, not only have you made someone else feel good, heard, seen, and appreciated, you’ve fed your heart with goodness that will grow. What we put out into the world will come back.

Yesterday when I went to pick my daughter up from school, there’s this teacher out there that directs traffic to let you know which lane to go to. He’s out there rain, sleet, snow, humidity, hot, and cold weather. He waves at every car or parent as he directs traffic. Each day my husband and I go we wave and go to the lane he tells us. Well yesterday, he made it a point to come to the window and motion me to roll it down. He proceeded to say he looks forward to my husband or I coming to pick up, because we always wave and smile back. He said he appreciated us acknowledging him, waving back and making his day. Many parents ignore him waving and just go through the line.

First of all, he’s a teacher and we appreciate him. However, the littlest gesture of appreciation is all we ever need. When someone smile at you, smile back, it’s free and that’s their way of acknowledging you. Waving and saying hello is the easiest way to tell someone you are seen and heard. To ignore them, is rude and says more about you than them.

To know that your hard work and efforts are appreciated gives you the motivation to keep going and to help others. We’ve all felt unappreciated at some point. If not at work, in relationships or at home. How many times have we said, a thank you would do great. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO #BE KIND

So it’s not a cliche. Be kind… to everyone out there. It definitely will be appreciated. The kindness always come back around. If you want to be treated with love, care, kindness, and respect we must give it out in abundance. Have a great day!!!!! #BeKind

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

RESOLVE EVERYTHING FROM LAST WEEK

Before the beginning of the new week or work week for some, it’s important to resolve everything that happened last week. From work, to family, health, plans, and what you didn’t get done. Write it down, talk about it, adjust, and learn from last week. One of the biggest mistakes we make is dragging Friday into Monday morning. That’s how we get stuck and trapped into a dark cycle. YOUR MIND AND BODY GIVES YOU ALL THE ANSWERS YOU NEED

white and black weekly planner on gray surface

First starting with work. Whatever happened, leave it there. Try not to bring work home. Once you leave don’t revisit until you go back the next day. Even if you work from home. You can’t change what happened or go back and get a redo. Figure out how you can manage yourself and your expectations going forward to give you the opportunity to succeed. Not just succeed in the functions, but mentally and emotionally as well. Create 2-3 goals for yourself professionally this week. Find a plan to eliminate some stressors, if you have them, to have a better days work.

If you didn’t get to take care of yourself like you wanted this week, again, create a plan to carve time for you to exercise. Sit down on Sunday and create a meal plan for the week. Look at your schedule and see when you have some free time to carve out. Make a commitment to focus on yourself for one hour each day.

Sometimes we need to connect and have a good conversation. If there is a family member or friend that you’ve been meaning to reach out to, schedule that in. Often we feel so much better when we talk out what’s been going on with us and just to release our thoughts and feelings. Purging and hearing someone else’s point of view may help us navigate our daily life.

We’ve heard the cliche, “make sure you close one door before opening another.” Close out this week to prepare for a clean slate. Don’t carry baggage over for it to just pile and stink up the week before you can create any new trash. Do what you have to do to be in safe space emotionally.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

”Things have a miraculous way of working out. Trust that.”- Idil Ahmed

If I don’t know anything else, the one thing I do know is everything works out just fine. What do I mean by just fine? Well it probably won’t work out how you thought, expected, planned, or wanted but it works out how it supposed to. How the universe aligned it to. How God meant for it to work out for you. Also, it not only work out how it supposed to but when it supposed to. Most often it will come at a time we’ve given up, stop trying, or forgot about it because it didn’t happen when we wanted it to. That’s because we don’t know what’s best. When things doesn’t work out how you wanted or when, don’t get discouraged. Be grateful that you were protected from something you had no idea was around the corner. Sometimes the pain, frustration, and delay in our plans comes from us wanting to be in control so much. Trust the process. Trust yourself. Trust that no matter what, it will work out for the better. MENTAL HEALTH REMINDER: TRUST YOURSELF Embrace what you didn’t see coming and let go of what you thought was best. Too often our expectations let us down and prevent us from realizing the gifts we are given. Trust that everything will work out how it supposed to for your benefit. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

7 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS FOR EMOTIONAL DAYS

You ever have that feeling when you wake up something is just off? You know, you do everything as you normally would. Nothing in particular happened to you or no one said anything, you just feel blue. 12 THINGS TO GET RID OF FOR A BETTER MENTAL HEALTH Before, you know it, you’re an emotional mess. Well, those days are normal. We all are going to have those days, more than once. It’s called life. For many reasons such as, lack of sleep, lack of healthy eating, being overworked, packed schedule, not feeling appreciated, lack of exercise, lack of time for self care, and many other factors can cause this “sudden” feeling of emotions. The good news is, once this day is over, that’s it, it’s over. You start fresh tomorrow. The important thing is to live in the moment, have the breakdown, don’t run from it, and release. Here are a few reminders for those overwhelming emotional days.

Have the breakdown. Cry like a baby. Release the hurt, anger, pain, and frustration. Don’t deny yourself the ability to release. The power is in the release. Feel every emotion and allow them to process.
Talk it aloud, to yourself. While having the breakdown ask yourself why am I feeling like this, what has me crying and hurting, how did I get here, what have I been feeling and ignoring, why have I been acting like nothing is bothering me. Make sure to answer the questions honestly. That’s where you’ll get the courage, wisdom, and knowledge to grow.
Wash it away. Have a good hot shower and release it down the drain once you feel you’ve let it all out. This prepares you for the fresh start and good nights sleep.
Sleep and eat. Although you may not feel like it, prepare yourself a good nutritious meal. Get your belly full and enjoy your favorite meal. The act of preparing you something to eat will redirect your mind to something positive and get your creative thoughts flowing. Don’t forget after that shower, sleep. A good nights sleep recharges the body, mind, and spirit.
Make a plan. After the breakdown, you’ve released, and washed it away, by now you have some understanding of where you need to clear things up, get better at, or work on something new. Make a plan on how you’re going to reset and recharge. This gives an instant boost of confidence and self esteem.
Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself you got this. You are a conqueror. Motivate and affirm yourself before going to bed. Remind yourself how confident, smart, loving, and healthy you are.
Forget about it. Tomorrow is a new day. You did what you had to do today to break through. Now it’s time to move on, grow, and learn. This emotional day has prepared you on how to better yourself days going forward. Go laugh and enjoy yourself.

Those are just a couple of reminders to help you through the emotional day and after. The most important is to acknowledge it and don’t run. When we run, we lose ourselves even more. We get further away from who we want to be, how we want to live, and where we want to go. Be well.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

20 THINGS I’M GRATEFUL FOR

I’ve heard a million times, one of the best and easiest ways to pick yourself up is to make a list of things you’re grateful for. We are blessed everyday just to wake up. Even if you’re in good spirits and life has you feeling good, it still is a good idea to list a couple things each day that you’re grateful for. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER A daily gratitude journal may be the best if you don’t know where to start. But I thought I’d just make a list of things I’ve been especially grateful for.

a person holding a gray thank you signage

Things I’m Grateful For…

The activity of my limbs
My self awareness and mental clarity
Heat during these cold days
My bed
Food to eat each day
My home
My health (physical, mental, and emotional)
My job
The ability to have this blog
My kids health
Family
I’ve had some amazing conversations with certain clients lately
My friends
My husband
Our marriage
My treadmill
My inspirational journals
My daily cup of coffee
My plants
Love

Those are 20 that I’ve been very grateful for lately. As I continue to grow I notice it’s the small things that makes me happy and keeps me going. Each day you do this some will remain constant and other things will appear on your list. Either way no matter how you’re feeling at some point in the day make a list of a minimum of 3 things you’re grateful for. As you continue to do it you’ll begin to notice you can’t stop thinking of things you’re grateful for. Happy Sunday Funday!!!!

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.