So many of us are about to visit family and friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Yes it’s fun, exciting, and a huge emotional release to be around loved ones. There’s no doubt about the comfort, joy, and peace our love ones provide. However, this Thanksgiving, go where you can be yourself comfortably.
In previous years it had pained me to see some family members attempt to give an illusion of themselves throughout the entire weekend. From the time they arrived on Wednesday night until they left Sunday we had to hear about everything that made them feel better.
The endless conversations about their cruises and vacations, the kind of clothes or designers they only like to wear, where they like to shop, the activities they do with their kids, and what they are doing next. But never really showed interest in anyone else’s adventures. Finally, in the most sincere way I could, I told them they didn’t have to prove themselves to anyone. When it comes to those who say they love you, you don’t have to try to be more than what you are. You alone are enough.
Then last week I spoke to a friend who said they were going to Thanksgiving with their husband but didn’t really want to go because of the family dynamic.
Don’t go anywhere where you are emotionally uncomfortable. Or be in a position where you are walking on egg shells.
If you have been invited to spend time with others this holiday, great. On the other hand, if that gut instinct of yours is having you not wanting to go, making excuses on not to go, or making excuses up to leave early, then you ought to rethink the invitation. Go where you can be yourself comfortably.
A place that makes you feel like you can breathe, you can have good conversation, enjoy food, and laughter.
”Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” -@anxietypositive
This is exactly what I had to do this week. In my new position we’re given six weeks to hit 5 milestones. Each week is focused on one milestone. So by the end of the six weeks, you are a polished gem. Well for me I hindered my growth because I was looking ahead. Why? In my mind I’ve been doing this profession for years, I’m like I can do this, I’ve been doing it. Well not so fast. I kept missing certain points in milestone one, hitting two and three, missing four, and hitting five.
Each week we have a session with our assigned coach to help us. She kept asking me what can she do to help me. I kept explaining to her how I’d been doing it, how I was taught, and what helped me learn. Next coaching session, I still didn’t hit it. It was getting very frustrating and I began questioning myself, my abilities, and even my coach. Until after the last coaching session.
I had to tell myself. Humble myself. It doesn’t matter what you did before. How you did it before. Or the the way you were taught. This is how it’s done here. Adapt, reset, and do it. I need to focus on this way, their way, and their process. It wasn’t anything wrong with the coach. The process. It was me and my approach, attitude, and mindset. Once I did that, went back to work, and instantly there was a shift in progression. In our next session she said I can tell there was something different. 7 SELF REFLECTION JOURNAL PROMPTS
And it was. My performance was better. Higher. The process and day went smoother. I enjoyed myself more. I wasn’t dreading going to work.
What did I have to do?
Focus on week one, milestone one. They give us more than enough time for a reason. I only had to worry about the first step not the whole staircase. Trust the process. It’s a reason why there is a process, certain steps are in place, and it doesn’t matter how you did before. The focus should be on how it’s done now, why this process works, and leaning into this process.
It will save frustration, stress, and wasted time. So often we try to do too much too soon. Well that can hurt us more than going through the process itself. We hinder our growth. Send the wrong message. Delay our victories.
The key is to have self awareness. Enjoy the rest of you day!!!!!
“I need to reset my expectations and give you a call back.” Says my client after hearing a homeowners quote that she requested.
Here it is, she’s being productive and proactive, taking care of some much needed business and housekeeping before the holidayseason and new year. A wonderful client, woman, mother, and professional calling two months in advance shopping her homeowners policy. After previously calling before and realizing it was going to take quite a bit of time, she had time today and called to say she was ready to do it.
We had a lovely conversation for about an hour. We discussed her beautiful home, how we both juggle our multiple roles on a daily, her having 3 kids rotate in and out of the home because they are in college, and coverages for her home. Even talked about her 2 dogs that keep her company when the kids aren’t home because she’s currently single after a divorce.
Once I rounded the conversation and geared it back to the homeowners quote she requested, it was time to talk about coverages. I gave her a detailed coverage presentation and answered any questions she had. Then I delivered the quote and assumed the sale. Right. Well not so fast. 5 REMINDERS ABOUT SELF LOVE
First, she wanted to go on her app and pull up her current policy to make sure she has same or like coverage. I said sure no problem. Well, because her password didn’t work, she tried to reset it and it didn’t work, and then attempted to retrieve it from her password manager on her phone, that left us more time to chit chat.
We proceeded to have great woman mom talk and she kept apologizing for not having her password. I said, “Hey girl listen you are making my day by having a conversation with me. Take your time. This is your biggest asset and we have to make sure you’re covered accurately and you are satisfied with the coverages.” With a chuckle that gave a sigh of relief she relaxed. What happened when she relaxed, she was able to focus, retrieve, and reset her password.
Once the password was up, we were able to go over her coverages line by line. Now her current policy is 4 years old. Which quickly she realized some things had changed over the years. The value of the home, the market, and some other characteristics that impact a rate or premium. After answering all her questions or really what was her talking out the difference in the double premium, she said, “I guess I will have to think about this and reset my expectations.”
That statement alone “I have to reset my expectations sent chills through my body.” First her awareness to not blame me, lash out at me, or complain about how ridiculous things are had my body lifting out my chair. Also to know there is some factors she can’t control or change. Therefore, she needs to do what she needs to do mentally and emotionally to fork out more than she expected or what she was paying before. Redirecting her attention on what she can control. Her budget, what she chooses for coverages, and her expectations.
The call ended by us telling each other how much we enjoyed each other conversations. Wished one another the best and I told her to call me if she had anymore questions. As gracious as she could be, she said she will give me a call either way.
Years ago, one Sunday morning, while in church, the pastor said something that has stuck with me like icing on a cake: “Sometimes we ask someone for 10 gallons of water when they only have a 5 gallon tank. Where do you expect them to get the other 5 gallons? Sometimes you have to ask yourself are you putting unfair expectations on people.”
The next time you feel something should have went a certain way or it didn’t turn out how you expected, ask yourself, “Do I need to reset my expectations?”
When I was younger my mom used to tell me “when you get older you’ll understand.” I think we all heard that growing up at some point. Because when we’re teenagers and in our 20’s we know everything right. Well it’s some things that I wished were spoken to me sooner or I’d known sooner. They seem so simple and basic, yet it would have helped eliminate much tension, stress, and anxiety.
Things I Wish I Knew Sooner
-I will be ok and I will still live if no liked me -It’s ok to say no to family and friends -It’s ok to speak up, say how I feel, and express myself -I am the only one in control of my life and career -I control how my day goes -Taking a break for myself and mentalpeace is essential -Thoughts and attitude can change the course of your day and life -Keeping my emotions intact and not reacting emotionally save heart ache -I can start over as many times as I want -I don’t have to be one thing, I can try and do everything that interest me -Everything will work out -No I could not have done more, I did what I was able to do with what I had -You are suppose to enjoy life -Sadness will come, bad days will happen, and I will get hurt -I don’t need permission to feel how I feel -Being different is good
”The way you think and feel about yourself determines everything that happens to you.”- @thejustbelievejourney
I saw this and couldn’t agree more. The older I get, the more I understand and know the importance of telling yourself good things and speaking positively to yourself. Also, what you think and tell yourself about situations and events in your life will determine how you travel through them. Definitely when faced with adversity telling yourself you’ll get through it and it will work out is the first thing you should say to yourself. That puts the thought and energy into your mind and body to let the situation take it’s course and remain positive. Staying busy to keep your mind off of it, and trying not to control the situation will help keep you on the positive track. On the other hand, when you have a victory or good news, it’s equally important to embrace it and enjoy your hard work. But don’t just stop there. God blessed you with what you asked for but don’t stop being humble and gracious. 9 REMINDERS OF BASIC SELF LOVE TIPS Either way, what you tell yourself in every situation determines your attitude, how the day will go, and how your life will eventually go. I know it’s difficult, but try to turn your negative thoughts and words into positives. Your mental health will thank you for it. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
”Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”- Brene Brown
To be totally transparent I’ve struggled with setting and keeping boundaries. But as of lately, setting my boundaries have been the one thing that keeps me mentally sane. It sounds so harsh sometimes when we say to set boundaries, but the other side of that is someone using and taking advantage of you. I recently had a family member tell me they didn’t worry about anything because all they have to do is ask me for money if they need help. That triggered me so bad. The audacity to be comfortable to say, you’ll give me the money if I need it, just hit different. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Boundaries aren’t a bad thing. It’s you protecting your peace and space. Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you should give or obligated to give. Just because you have the time doesn’t mean you have to serve them in whatever way they ask. Boundaries eliminate others having easy access to you. You don’t have to make yourself available if you don’t want to. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY Lastly, when setting boundaries it doesn’t have to be in a nasty way. Simply saying you’re not available, and I’ll let you know when I am is good enough. And an explanation isn’t needed either. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
The one thing that stays in the front of my mind, is to always be in control of your emotions. Our emotions can cause us to make a decision that will lead to a snowball of other hurdles. Remaining calm, staying true to who you are, and knowing who you are is a major key.
-Allow yourself the grace and give yourself permission to say I’m going through something right now. A change is happening or there is a speed bump ahead and I’m scared. You may not even know how or when you’re going to get over that bump, but the sheer acknowledgement gives a clear pathway.
-Don’t make any quick or rational decisions. If you can or have the opportunity to, take a moment, hour, or day before responding. Giving yourself some time to step away and clear the lens will allow for a better understanding and thought process.
-Do something for you. Find an activity or hobby to get your mind off of what is going on. Have a refocus and a distraction. Exercise is always a good distraction because you’re also releasing tension. Whatever makes you happy or laugh do it.
-Find a positive. There is something in every situation that is a positive. Find the lesson. What are you supposed to take away? That is going to be the greatest gift of all. 8 FEEL GOOD SELF CARE ACTIVITIES
-Have a good night routine to wash the day away. Cleanse your mind, body, and spirit. The most harmful we can do is to take the days events into the next.
-Finally change is good. Change is needed. Without change we would not grow. Embracechange. Going through change is a sign that bigger and better is on your way. Open your mind to new possibilities. The more we fight change the harder it will seem.
Those are just a couple of tips to help maintain an emotional stable balance daily. Take it one day at time. If you can’t do everything you’d like to do in a day, then don’t. Whatever your emotional tank allows you to do then do it and leave the rest for a better day. We only get so much emotionalenergy in a day. Use it wisely.
”Every fall is an opportunity to refocus.”- Anna Greenberg
A major key to happiness is to not be afraid to fall. So often we don’t try because we’re afraid of “failing”. However, what hurts more than trying and failing, is to not try at all. Not trying at all will lead to a lifetime of suppressing, questioning, and trying to fill a void that only one thing can. So what if you tried and it didn’t work out. What’s the worst that can happen? Nothing. You learned what you like and what you don’t. You’ve gained knowledge, wisdom, and experience on what you’re good at and what you may need help with. Which gives you the upper hand the next time you do step out on a limb and fulfill your dreams. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER What are you afraid of? People laughing. Saying I told you so. Starting over. Other people don’t define you or your success. Having a fall doesn’t define you either. It actually show just how much stamina you have to get up again and again. No matter what you want to do in life, try. There is no harm in trying and falling. The most successful people out there have started many businesses before they knew how to be good at running that one successful business you see. Have a great Sunday!!!!!!!
-Be you no matter what. Whatever situation or circumstance you’re in, remain true to you. If you are feeling sad, anxious, nervous, excited, or happy center yourself in the moment.
-Don’t let this moment pass you by without living in it. Accepting the now and knowing you are growing and progressing allows you to understand you better. Living in the moment give you the ability to be self aware. Self awareness is a key to healing and growth.
-Trust yourself. Don’t second guess yourself. You know how you feel. Don’t let others opinions talk you out of your feelings, thoughts, or views. Your experience is valid. How you feel is valid. Trust yourself to be yourself.
-Leave the past behind. You can forgive. Of course you won’t forget. However, you can learn, grow, and heal through it. Don’t be bitter, angry, or resentful. Those negative emotions only hurt you.
-Baby steps are ok. Yes, we want to reach our goal or get to our destination, but each step along the way is there to teach us something. Even the bumps in the road are there to helps us for something in the future. One step at a time.
-Get creative. Don’t ignore your desires, passions, interest and hobbies. It is perfectly ok, to have interest in more than one thing. The key is to not start them all at once. Also make sure you see them all the way through when you start. Even if you find it’s not really your thing.
-Become the person you would want to be around. If you are needing to heal and correct some bad habits, then do so. We all have short comings. Knowing where we need to improve will allow us to be better for our family and friends.
-Be good to your mind and body. Taking care of yourself inside and out is the best freemental therapy you can do for yourself. No matter what you’re feeling focus the energy on you. 10 LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY When you put time into yourself you’re processing the emotions and not placing frustrations out on someone else.
-Have fun. You were put on this earth for a purpose and live. Don’t let this life go by without laughing, taking risks, and experiencing joy. You deserve it and have a right to have fun.
Those are 9 self love reminders that I attempt to do on a daily. Not all reminders or habits will be exercised everyday but a couple each day is great practice. Even if you just hit one or two self lovetips, you are making progress.
There are many things that we hold on to, carry, and simmer in that is bad for our mental and emotional health. Getting rid of all the negative thoughts, opinions, and views that we place on ourselves or accepted from others will definitely get us on the right track.
–Fear. Most of the the time it’s fear of what others think. Or the fear of the unknown. Either way let it go. Others point of view and opinions doesn’t define you. In the same breath, fearing the unknown isn’t going to help your growth.
–Anger. Holding on to anger causes wrinkles, heart attacks, stress, frown lines, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, weight gain on the other hand, and other fatigue that causes your entire wellness to deteriorate. While you’re holding on to that anger that situation is long gone, that person has slept peacefully, and you’ve lost time. Let it go for your mental sake.
–Resentment. Resenting someone or something requires you to hold and relive the past. How is that helping you? It’s not. Forgive. Understand the why. Learn the lesson. Create space. Move on. Let it go. Resentment isn’t hurting the other person it’s hurting you. Don’t continue to hurt yourself trying to hurt someone else.
–Guilt. Is a total waste of time. It isn’t going to change the past. Getting rid of guilt allows you to free yourself. A great reminder about feeling guilty is “you aren’t responsible for others happiness.” Let them carry their own weight. You can encourage them but not carry it for them.
–Overthinking. Letting go of overthinking will free you to actually be productive. As long as you are thinking about all the “what ifs”, you’re not doing. Stop thinking about it, and do. If you’re worried about a situation let it play out how it suppose to. Most of the time what we want or think is best isn’t the best.
–Toxic Relationships. This is a no brainer. You know who you need to get rid of. No one has to remind you or tell you who’s not good for you. If you hesitate to answer a certain person call, then it’s time to put distance in that relationship. Who ever makes your moodchange when they come around requires distance. It’s perfectly ok to love from a distance.
–Feeling of not being enough. You are perfectly you because God created you how He wanted. If God says you’re enough then no one on this earth can change that. Know it. Believe it. Feel it.
–Trying to be perfect. Perfect is boring. Perfection doesn’t exist. You’re just going to be a hamster on wheel chasing something imaginary. Let go of the wanting or liking to be or appear perfect. Everyone on this earth has flaws and kinks about them.
–Control. Trying to control everything and everyone is driving you crazy. You are losing sleep. Your focus and concentration is off. Wanting to have control is a sign of some internal healing that needs to take place. Ask yourself why do I feel the need to have control. That will lead you to the path of clarity.
–Doubt. Just do it. Doubting yourself is wasting time. It isn’t going to effect the outcome one way or another. The only thing doubt does, is kill your confidence and self esteem. Get rid of the doubt and go for your dreams. You can plan everything down to the minute, but something always throws a wrench in our plans. Do your best and forget the rest.
–The past. That’s long gone and ain’t coming back. (Yes I said ain’t.) The past isn’t going to change, won’t change, and doesn’t care about the now. Living in the past is stopping you from experiencing your life presently. Don’t rob yourself of happiness by reliving the past.