“Someone Has It Worse Than You”

My apologies to everyone I have said “Someone has it worse than you,” to. I can’t remember where I heard it or what station I was watching but someone said that this is the worse response you can say to someone when they express their feelings or concern to you.

I had to take a pause and think how could that be a bad thing. Welp…for many reasons.

First of all, I had to think they could careless about someone else’s feelings or problems at the moment. What someone else is going through has nothing to do with them.

Secondly, I am pretty sure they know there are people out there who are having what seems to be the worst luck ever. They aren’t living in a bubble and don’t know what’s going on in the world.

Next, I realized when I say that to someone I have completely dismissed, diminished, and rejected their feelings, thoughts, situations, and experience. They have a right to feel how they feel and experience the emotions that come along with that.

Another reason why telling someone that isn’t good, is the message they hear is “it’s no big deal”. They hear “get over it and move on, what are you whining about.” When in actuality they probably had to build themselves up to open up and they just got crushed.

For those who suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other mental health trauma that statement will discourage them for speaking out or expressing themselves. They hear their problems are small, doesn’t measure up to others, and their feelings aren’t valid.

I can almost see as I think back after saying this to someone how I deflated them. They have built their energy up to express themselves and I go and say “well you know someone has it worse”, their response is silence and fades into the darkness.

Please understand when I’ve said that to someone, it wasn’t meant in a malicious way. I wasn’t trying to demean, dismiss, or diminish their experience or feelings. Literallly for me, that was my way of encouraging them not feel like the world has crashed down upon them. If you think your life is over, just imagine the crushing pain of others. You can get through whatever it is, because we all bounce back up.

But, I guess I should have said just that. Just like we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, in no way we should insinuate they should compare their problems to others to makes themselves feel better.

But I now know that isn’t what they want to hear nor what they need to hear. Telling them their feelings are valid, work through the pain, and come out stronger is more like it. Helping them understand why they are experiencing said emotions is much more helpful.

Once again my apologies to anyone I’ve said this to and made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter. They do and so do you.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Girlfriends…Why We Need Them

Ladies stop saying you don’t need female friends. Stop saying you don’t trust them. Your guy friends are great but your female friends are more important and beneficial to you. There are a ton of reasons us as women need a great group of women friends.

First they wear tampons and pads just like we do. They understand the hormonal and emotional ups and down when our “special visitor arrive.”

They inspire us to be great and go after our dreams. Our girlfriends allow us to vent but then they pick us up and make us push forward.

Good girlfriends influence our creativity and we bounce ideas off of each other. Therefore expanding our mind to explore outside of our comfort zone and boundaries.

Motivating each other on the regular boost both self esteem and confidence. Inspires you to be great, help others be great and reach their potential, and all around better person.

Having great girlfriends encourages us to eat healthier, exercise, and take care of our selves. Our mental and emotional health is in great condition. We’re able to be vulnerable and release any negative energy instead holding on to it for days, weeks, or even months.

We travel with our girlfriends, learn new cultures, and experience the world together. We learn how to connect with people who are different from us and make them feel good. In return we receive love, support, and a balance in our life.

Think of our lives as a pie chart, having a good group of friends is a slice of the pie. Yes our husbands, boyfriend, and partners may be our friends but they can’t give us the emotional support and laughter our girlfriends do. Each person in our life provides something different and is needed for different reasons.

Good girlfriends gives us great conversations that no one else can understand. We can hold one another accountable. Having great friends keeps us on the right track and steer us back on when we fall off.

We can be completely honest with our girlfriends without judgement or bias.

If you find yourself as a woman who don’t have female friends or prefer guy friends take a survey of yourself. Think about what you want in a great girlfriend and offer those qualities. What you attract you will get back. But don’t discount or sell your self short thinking you can get by without having great female relationships.

Now the older we get the smaller our friend circle become. All you need is a hand full of core, solid, faith filled, loving, understanding, and stable groups of girlfriends.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

Stop Being the Go-To Person With These 5 Tips

Are you the go to person that family and friends call on? Does anyone ever checkup on you? No matter how much you help or money you give it just doesn’t seem like its ever enough. Someone is always asking you to do more. After a while you begin to feel dehydrated, drained, and exhausted. Please remember the following.

First we are responsible for our happiness and no one else’s. If we aren’t healthy mentally and emotionally we can’t be of service to anyone else. Making sure we are whole is the best gift we can give to our family and friends.

Secondly, whatever we have that is extra goes to others who may need. There seems to be a misconception that we have to give up everything to be of service or help. But if you give up everything you have, eventually you won’t have anything to pull from for yourself or anyone else.

Thirdly, lets think about this, if you are the one person that everyone turns to, when you are in a time of lack or in need who can you turn to? Most of the time who’ll have to find a way to pull something out of yourself with no help. So often as the strong one you’ll find yourself alone when you are going through your storm.

The fourth thing to remember is to set boundaries. Having boundaries sets expectations and demands others to respect you, your time, money, and space. So often in families and friendships we fail to set boundaries because its sometimes thought as an obligation instead of an assist to get one back on its feet.

Lastly, how is someone going to get upset with you because you won’t do for them what they can’t do for themselves. Does that make sense? No one should ever make you feel guilty for not helping or assisting them.

I know it’s always better to give than receive, however you must have something to give in order to help someone. It is important to remember not to take someone’s problems and fix them. We can listen and be a support system but allow them to fix their own problem.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.