Parenting is a journey of growth and reflection. As parents, we often find ourselves looking back on our own childhoods, contemplating what we wish had been different, and striving to create a better environment for our children. As I prepare to send my first born off to college reflection as a parent is holding me hostage. Here are five key things I allow my kids to do that I couldn’t, and how these changes are fostering a healthier, more supportive family environment.
1. Allowing Them to Have Their Own Emotions
Growing up, emotions were often considered inconvenient or unwelcome. Or simply put, you are a child and children aren’t allowed to have “attitudes “. There was little room for expressing feelings, and we were often expected to suppress them. I’ve made a conscious decision to allow my children to have their own emotions. They are encouraged to express how they feel, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or fear. Emotions are a natural part of being human, and by allowing my kids to feel and express them, I’m helping them develop emotional intelligence and resilience. Most importantly as they all have reached teenagers, I learn immensely from them. GROWTH BEGINS WITH UNLEARNING
2. Encouraging Genuine Expression
Not only was I not allowed to express my emotions freely, but sometimes I was even told how to feel or think. This invalidation of personal experience can be deeply damaging. As you grow and heal you have to learn that your feelings and emotions are valid. I ensure that my children know their feelings are valid and important. I listen to them without judgment and offer support rather than directives. This approach helps them trust their own emotions and thoughts, fostering a strong sense of self and emotional autonomy.
3. Allowing Them to Ask Questions
In my childhood, questioning authority or the status quo was often discouraged. Curiosity is a vital part of learning and growth, so I encourage my children to ask questions about the world around them. Whether it’s about school subjects, social issues, or our family’s rules, their inquiries are met with patience and respect. By encouraging their curiosity, I’m helping them become critical thinkers and confident individuals. This shows up when you go into the working world and not have the confidence to negotiate and you accept whatever is given.
4. Giving Them Space to Be Alone or Have a Bad Day
Everyone needs a moment alone sometimes, or simply has a bad day. Growing up, needing space or expressing discontent was often seen as problematic. I allow my children to take time for themselves when they need it and acknowledge that it’s okay to have bad days. This teaches them the importance of self-care and self-compassion, and it helps them understand that it’s normal to experience ups and downs. Ah, having three teenagers, I learned quickly to read their emotions and ask them “do you need a minute?”
5. Encouraging Good Grades, Not Demanding Perfection
Academic success was heavily emphasized in my upbringing, often to the point of demanding straight A’s. This created immense pressure and stress. With my children, I encourage them to do their best and to ask for help when they need it, but I don’t demand perfection. Good grades are important, but their mental health and well-being are paramount. By focusing on effort and improvement rather than perfection, I’m helping them develop a healthier attitude towards learning and personal growth. Each one of my kids are vastly different and learn differently.
Breaking the cycle of restrictive and emotionally stifling parenting practices is not easy, but it’s essential for fostering a healthier, more supportive family environment. By allowing my children to have their own emotions, encouraging genuine expression, supporting their curiosity, giving them space when needed, and focusing on effort rather than perfection, I’m creating a nurturing space where they can grow into emotionally intelligent, confident, and resilient individuals. Key word, “safe space.”
As parents, we have the power to change the narrative for our children. Let’s strive to create a world where they feel valued, understood, and free to be themselves. It’s a journey of growth for both parents and children, but the rewards are immeasurable. Together, we can break the cycle and build a foundation of love, respect, and support.
RosalynLynn
Be you so you can be free.