selfacceptance Archives - Walk With Ros

As I’ve progressed in my self awareness journey I’ve mastered the skill of being present in the moment and able to receive the messages as they come. If I ever have to question what faith, hope, and belief look like I witnessed it first hand. And more importantly there was action behind the belief.

As I sit and listen to her answer the question “So how is your mom doing?”, her voice doesn’t quiver. She doesn’t hesitate to say “it’s not the absolute worst nor is it better.” She confessed her mother had several mini strokes which led to her dementia. Then she delivered what faith, hope, and belief looks like: She said, “My hope is that mom has a final stroke and she goes in her sleep.”

Now on the surface you would clutch your pearls. But when you believe and have faith, you know living with a loved one who has no quality of life, has pain around the clock, loss of appetite, loss of movement in limbs, lack of awareness of themselves and loved ones, that isn’t the life you’d hope for for them. Yes, we want them around but at some point it becomes selfish. In result, whenever they do transition, we are left with the pain of what their last days reflected. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY

As she describes the emotional and physical toll it takes to care for her aging mother that has dementia, she’s still very self aware of her own needs. She told her mom, I have to go out and see people. She refuses to give up her life. Her hobbies, craft and book club weekly meetings. As well as church.

As she was speaking I could’t help but reflect on the countless family members and friends that gave up their life taking care of their loved one. After my grandma transitioned, all the arrangements and services were done, my mom sat at the table and said, “I don’t know what to do everyday.” Why? Because for months she gave up her entire being to take care of grandma.

Even in the midst of grief, her ability to have self awareness, emotional wellness, and boundaries inspired me to continue. We’re going to experience some raw emotions and experiences, but all the while it’s still priority to put ourselves first. No matter what the situation is, we are left with ourselves to move on.

Have faith, hope, and belief. Believe you have the power and strength to do all things and over come all things. Just because you’re having a hiccup doesn’t mean to lack self care. If anything, ramp it up.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.

After 30 minutes of crying my eyes out and going for a walk, I realized he wasn’t mad at me. One day my brother called me and immediately from hello, I knew he was heated. Now, I’m still being my normal self because in my mind I know it’s not towards me or about me. “Did you know auntie moved to Vegas?” I answered, yes. Well what do I get for being honest.

He yelled, cursed, and went on a tangent about how he’s always the last to know anything. The family only calls him when they want or need something. I’m stunned and confused because it had been more than a week or so that she moved. She told me she was going to call everyone with her new address and information. So I’m thinking to myself, she hasn’t gotten around to it. My aunt had this grand plan to tell everyone because she was hosting Thanksgiving this year.

Well after about 2 attempts of me trying to get a word in, he said “I see how y’all are, if that’s how you want to be, fine!!” He hung up on me. I looked at my husband and we both were confused. Immediately I burst into tears, ran upstairs, put on my walking clothes, grabbed my earbuds and went out for a walk. My husband was trying to catch me but I just had to go. My brother and I have always been close, never had arguments or disagreements, always one another confidant, and I just couldn’t believe he spoke to me the way he did. GROWTH TIP: YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANYONE

Now the old me kicked in for a minute and instantly said I’m not calling him, I’m not answering his calls, and he has done it for himself. But then after 30 minutes it clicked, he wasn’t mad at me. Thank God for journaling, prayer, meditation, and inner healing. Here’s what I figured out:

He was mad at my aunt but couldn’t express that due to ego, hurt, and lack of understanding. Now my aunt and him were like two peas in a pot. They had the best relationship. He was upset because he felt like they had an unbreakable bond and he wasn’t the first person she told. Every time I tried to encourage him to think about it in another perspective, he shot me down.
Which leads me to, when someone has something already made up in their mind there is no way to get them to think about things differently. Especially if they haven’t done internal work to understand their triggers, misunderstandings, and communication.
This is exactly what they mean when they say, don’t take things personally. It had nothing to do with me. He was upset with her and I was the one who answered the phone. My brother is a self admitted people pleaser, he doesn’t like when people think negative of him, and my aunt is the one who was able to get to him. So he felt betrayal probably.
For me, it’s a reminder that you have to remain emotionally sound to ensure you don’t damage yourself, others, and relationships. If I would have reacted and matched his emotions, tone, and demeanor it would have took a turn that would have been difficult to come back from. In the very beginning of the call I was able to recognize he just wanted to get out what he made up in his head and a response wasn’t wanted, needed, or required.
Don’t let others anger, feelings, and misunderstandings change you or how you feel. Be who you are and when there is an opportunity for encouragement and inspiration then give it. It will be received and comprehended when it’s settled.

I had to look back at this exchange and say I’m proud of myself. This allowed me to answer the phone when he called me again, have a conversation, and continue to be brother and sister. The cherry on top was, I told my husband I don’t want or need an apology. I’m ok. I just want him to get to a point where he doesn’t have to people please and prove himself. What he doesn’t realize is, it was more of a reminder for me to continue to do the work.

RosalynLynn

Be you so you can be free.