To Cry To Laugh Take a day off Not answer the phone Eat Cake Say you’re tired Feel anxious To Change your mind Let go and be done Feel Sad Feel Nervousness Experience an episode of depression Want to splurge and purchase something Need a vacation Want a vacation Like being alone Move to another city, state, or country Switch jobs or careers Disconnect from the world from time to time Say No Say Yes Ask for what you want Feel how you feel Be who you are Protect yourself…or others Be different Look different Try something different Want to just do nothing Be confused Start over…more than once It is ok to not be ok
Conversations that aren’t meaningful or add value to your life, you won’t engage in. Sitting around the table listening to people gossip just gets under your skin.
You begin to pay more attention to what others are saying and doing. Are the actions and words aligned with your values? How they show up in the world and to you is well noted. You begin to value character and integrity more.
Aren’t afraid to ask for help or say you don’t know. You’ve come to a point in life to know and understand you don’t know everything and that’s ok, but you aren’t going to act like it either.
Respectfully speak up for yourself. Turning the other cheek and letting things slide isn’t going to continue to happen.
Understand the importance of getting ahead of situations and problems. Having a proactive mindset as opposed to a reactive mindset.
Stand firm in your position and will not put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Saying yes to get it over with or not to hurt others feelings isn’t something you’re willing to do.
Taking time for yourself, self reflection, and constantly wanting to be a better person is a priority.
Prefer small intimate gatherings inside opposed to going out to large venues with crowds.
The well-being of others are important to you.
The small stuff doesn’t get to you and shift your mood.
No longer feel guilty about taking a day off or taking time out to take care of yourself. You understand that taking care of yourself isn’t up for negotiations.
Don’t worry about trying to impress others with “what” you have. The labels on clothes and shoes doesn’t mean a thing to you. As long as you are comfortable you’re happy. Just not interested in keeping up with the Jones’s.
Sleep is important, essential, and a priority.
What you watch on television, music you listen to, and what you give your time to is well intentional.
The desire to learn and attain knowledge is what you become.
There are many factors that play into the downfall of our mental and emotional health. So many circumstances from family, to work, to relationships, to past experiences and the list can go on for days. But there are some things we do on a daily that contribute to giving others the power of draining our emotional tank.
Stop Explaining Yourself
This is my biggest pet peeve when I see adult women specifically, crushing themselves trying to explain what they doing, where they going, why they chose to go left instead of right, and anything else. It’s even worse when they begin explaining without anyone even asking. Which that’s the first sign of someone not being confident in who they are. To be honest even if someone asked you, you still don’t owe anyone an explanation. If how you move about your life needs to be explained then they’re not on your level because if they were they would already know. The decisions you make for you and your family is no one else’s business as long as it doesn’t effect them.
Wasting Your Time Staying Angry
They were never lying when they said it takes a lot of energy to get angry and most importantly stay angry. It takes so much emotional energy to stay angry that people not only empty their tank but everyone else around them. Let just say when a wife gets mad at her husband the entire mood in the house shifts until she starts talking to him again. Even the kids start walking around on egg shells. You waste time that could be spent doing something productive. Not to mention when you stay that angry for some time you begin to not sleep well, which makes things worse and continue to spiral. At this point every thing including your physical body and beautiful face begin to suffer. It just isn’t worth it. Remember they hurt you once, don’t let them keep hurting you by staying angry. That would be giving away too much power.
Living Your Life for Others
When we allow others to influence our decisions we have given them the keys to drive our life. Letting someone tell you “you’re not ready”, “I don’t think that’s a good idea”, or “don’t you think you should wait a while“ are people that you need to keep at arms length. Those are all manipulative, controlling, and selfish ways people get you to do what they want you to do. Be confident in your journey to know what’s best for you and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Making decisions to please others leaves you as the only one suffering. No matter what you try to do nothing is going to make you happy until you live for you.
Staying in a One Sided Relationship
Having hopes and expectation for someone will get us every time. Also knowing the potential a person could have is the most common reason we constantly give so many chances to those who don’t deserve it. It’s true, when people show you who they are believe them. If the relationship makes you question who you are, what you do, or you always seem to be in a confused state then its time to leave. Our relationships should inspire us to be better people. We should feel so much love and support that we have to constantly give it away to others. With no respect, trust, or communication you’re wasting your time. This goes for our romantic relationship as well as our friendships.
These are simple practices that will save us heartache in our daily lives. The amount time spent worrying if someone understands us, feel we care, or sparing their feelings only wastes our time and drain our mental and emotional tank on empty.
The most common complaint I’ve heard in the last three months is how people weren’t able to groom themselves or get their beauty treatments like they used to. They told us to quarantine not let ourselves go. Yes I know its very easy to get in a funk because you have no where to go and no one to see. But taking care of yourself will lift your mood.
Even during these tough times you can create you a ritual or routine. Pick a day, time, and space where you can take time out for yourself.
When we have a great hair day everything else is ok. Start by giving your hair some TLC. Wash and deep condition your hair and bring life back to those tresses thats probably been in a bun for days. There are great quality products available at the drugstore that will give you salon results. Use this time to experiment on styles and practice.
Next bring some life back into you face and do an at home facial. Deep clean and exfoliate to lift those dead skin cells. Next a good face mask to deep clean those pores and smooth the skin. Having a natural glow from within brightens your face. Tone and moisturize to bring some plumpness back.
Explore your creativity and express yourself by doing an at home mani and pedi. There are endless option you can do to make sure your hands and feet are smoothed and polished. As a side note, purchasing a kit off Amazon for the price of one nail appointment saves you money.
Take a long shower or hot bath. Meditate, pray, or give yourself a pep talk to keep moving forward. While in the shower speak into existence what it is you want and are feeling and let the negative go down the drain. While taking a bath meditate and pray on what your next steps are and how you’re going to get there. This is your most private and intimate time with yourself and you can be completely honest and open.
Find something or someway to lift your mood or spirits. Feed your mental and emotional with positive thoughts and energy. Read a book, magazine, or listen to a podcast. Figure out what inspires you and seek it to help you keep going. Start by reading a chapter at night before bed. Watch a motivational video. Listen to a podcast while you clean and do laundry. Read a magazine article while you drink your coffee instead of watching the news. Let it soak in and reflect.
Of course you’re not a professional, but taking this time out for yourself gives you the motivation to create and make the best of this time that we aren’t going to get back. Use this time to become a better you, learn who you are, and what you need to work on. You never know, you may become so good that you won’t need to pay a professional anymore.
For the last year or so I’ve really come into an understanding of who I am, where I want to go, and live the life I want. As I become more comfortable on this journey and actually see my vision come to pass, there are so many things I wish I had done in my younger years. Below are just a few things I would tell my younger self.
Live In the Moment
In my younger years I always dreamed about my future and what it would look like. When you’re young the only thing you can think about is getting out your mothers house and living the life you want. But I now know literally enjoy each day and what that day has to bring. Yesterday was old news and anything that happened can’t be changed and tomorrow simply isn’t promised. Worrying about what could happen will rob you of the laughter you could have today. Stressing about yesterday keeps you stuck in the past. Most of the time what we’re worrying about is a made up scenario that we’ve created and typically situations always pan out the complete opposite of what we thought.
Always Go with Your Gut
When you’re younger the only goal you have is to make your family proud. That means we make decisions that go against our true desires. While its good to value their opinion and want their support, living the life that’s fulfilling to you would make them more proud to support you. Sacrificing our happiness to please others will fill us with a sense of resentment, anger, and emptiness. That creates another situation because we begin to blame them for “putting” us in that situation.
Whatever Other’s Think About You, Let Them Think It
I’ve come to understand what other’s criticisms of me are has nothing to do with me and is none of my business. With knowing that, it makes it easy to not take it personally. If we focus on what people say about how we should live our lives we would be a ball of mess. The most important thing to remember here is everyone is going to have an opinion. And yes, of course, it’s easier said than done to ignore some harsh criticisms, but remembering they’re projecting their own insecurities will help you brush it off every time. “I walk my journey and take the paths I want, if you want to go a certain path then you can take it on your own journey.”
Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New
One of the best pieces advice I carry with me is “never fit in, always stand out.” I firmly believe in expanding my horizons, trying something that is out of the ordinary, or taking risks that aren’t common. I love taking a risk because I learn something new about myself each time. Challenging myself and taking a risk increase my confidence, self esteem, and courage to know even if I fall I know I’m going to get back up. It doesn’t have to be something big. You can start small. If I see everyone is buying the same shoes or everyone is going for a certain color, I purposely choose the one color no one wants. It’s scary to put yourself out there on a limb but remember you already starting off strong by having the courage to stand alone.
Let the Chips Fall How They May
Trying to control everything in every situation does nothing but raise your blood pressure. Its impossible to try to control everything and we really shouldn’t. Some situations are better left to pan out how they are suppose to not how we want them to. Often times we work ourselves into a frenzy when how we thought a situation would go, it completely went in the opposite direction. Most often worked out better than we thought.
Don’t Do Anything If You Don’t Want To
“If Ros don’t want to do it, then Ros don’t have to.” My father told me that when I was a teenager and that has stuck with me since. So often we do things and make decisions because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or we are guilted into something. We then resent and harvest anger at a person when all because we didn’t have the courage to say “No”. We can easily eliminate putting ourselves in uncomfortable positions by saying no thank you.
I’m pretty sure there are many more notes I would give to my younger self but these are the points I use daily on my walk.