“Just a reminder that you don’t have to make resolutions. Or huge decisions. Or big proclamations. You can just set some sweet intentions and take each day as it comes.” Victoria Erickson
Please don’t feel the pressure to make some grand resolutions or major life changes. Typically any kind of lifestylechange or habit has to be developed. You don’t just wake up one day and say I’m going to start this and sustain that resolution long term. Hence, why most new year resolutions don’t make it past the end of January. To begin anything, you have to make a commitment mentallyfirst. Instead create small goals, tasks, and intentions that you can stick to for a while and then add as you go. 10 NEW YEAR SELF CARE HABITS FOR A FRESH START The small dailyself care habits and intentions are what builds up to a major lifestylechange. The last couple weeks of December I made a commitment to speak at least 3-5 affirmations aloud to myself in the mirror every morning. Sometimes I will do it in the middle of the day and before I go to bed. This gives me the mentalmindset to remain positive, calm, and take action throughout the day to reach my goals. Setting small intentions for the day or week is easier attainable than long term goals. Instead of saying I’m going to lose 20lbs this month, commit to “I will work out 20 minutes 3x a week.” You’ll find that is easier to follow through with. Sometimes we can bite off more than we can chew. Which leads to discouragement, then eventually not doing anything at all. Think about one thing you want to accomplish this year and focus on that. My word this year is self awareness. I had many moments of self reflection and light bulb moments toward the end of the year that enlightened me on how I show up. I want to continue that to ensure my relationships, career, and life is fulfilled with the intentions I set out to achieve and possess. Enjoy each day, each moment, have no regrets, and be the best you, you can be each day. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!
I had to take my own advice and pause for a moment. These last couple of months has been a season of change. In order to be in the moment, understand my assignement and what I was supposed to get out of it, I had to give myself permission to focus. Not just focus, but prioritize and make sure my feet were planted.
As I’ve stated in some previous posts, late August I accepted a position that I’d been wanting and working hard for. With that came the transiton of working remotely full time, a 12 week fast track training, and longer hours. Not to mention this began at the very start of the school year.
Trying to juggle the new postion, transition my home and create an office space, and manage school activities I felt like a hamster on a wheel. Along with that, I was still freelancing and selling on Poshmark. Yes, I know, doing wayyyyyy too much.
Although I asked for each gift, position, and blessing I knew I couldn’t put a 100% into all of them. Plus keep my sanity, be a mom, wife, and maintain my home. So I took my own advice and paused for a moment. I needed to reset my mind and expectations. First on the whole idea of working from home full time. My lifestyle was going to change vastly.
I decided to spend Saturday morning 2-3 hours posting and creating new Poshmark listings. That way throughout the week I can manage and maintain my closet. I use my lunch and breaks to drop my sales off at the post office. Next, I accept freelance contracts that doesn’t take too much of my time. Which ironically I’ve enjoyed and been able to deliver great pieces of work.
But I will say that has been the one ironic thing about this entire situation. My self awareness, self care, and mental health has been great and heightened. I knew it was going to be a change and I had to work at it everyday while on this new path and journey.
Working from home allows me to get laundry done throughout the day and even get dinner done by the time the kids get home from school. Therefore, it frees my time up to be with the family when I get off. I still wake up early in the morning before everyone else and tidy if I hadn’t done so the night before. I’m able to have a moment to myself, get dressed, and mentally prepare for the day.
I’ve added 10 minutes of meditation before starting work. Increased my reading time during breaks and before I go to bed. Maintaining my cut off time of 9p.m. No matter what hasn’t been done or said checking out mentally and emotionally has helped me keep my joy and peace. I’ve noticed I have a great nights sleep when I sleep with the oil diffuser going.
Because I am remote, and we have to be on camera quite a bit, my skin care has also heightened. I take my time on my night timeskin care routine to ensure I awake with bright, smooth, moisturized, and glowingskin. In the morning I keep my skincareroutine to a minimum while focusing on my eyes and moisture. Working remotely also has me playing around with minimal makeup looks to make sure I am still professional and work ready. Lastly, I still get dressed as if I am going into the office. Outside of my comfy fuzzy socks.
Now my schedule is about to change again this week. I’ve learned to get comfortable with change and I really do enjoy my job and all the blessings I’ve been privileged to have. I am very thankful for the self awareness most of all. The ability to be honest with myself and say you need to prioritize, reset expectationsI NEED TO RESET MY EXPECTATIONS, and not over extend yourself has been the best self care I can ever do or have for myself.
It’s the end of the year and holidayseason. Before you have a blow up, a breakdown, or get sick, take a break or step away. Ask yourself what is more important to you in this season or journey. What shall you let go of. What is worth putting time and effort into. Have I neglected my mental, physical, and emotional health. Be well.
The short answer is, your happiness will forever be based off what others think you’re worth, what you have to offer, and how they think you should be living your life.
Having the beliefs that you must be loved by everyone to be happy stems from a lack of selfconfidence, self esteem, and self worth. That means you are basing the value of your life on what others approve. In order to belief that everyone has to love you, you are seeking their approval and validation.
What happens when you consistently seek others approval and validation? You are living a life that other people think you should live. You aren’t making decisions for yourself. When it’s time to make a decision, you aren’t confident. Or, you don’t want the decision you make to offend other people or hurt their feelings. Although, it is the best choice for you.
Along with seeking validation, you’re going to forever be on a hamster wheel running for your life. Depending on who is around, that is how you’re going to answer, be, or exist. In short, you shift whichever way the wind blows. One day you’re going left, and the next you’re going right.
You aren’t thinking for yourself. Believing that everyone has to love you requires you to live for others happiness. If you are living to please others and make sure they are happy, your happiness gets put to the side. What you want in life and what makes you happy is different from others. No two people will want the same in life or go down the same path. It’s impossible to please everyone. KEY TO HAPPINESS: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness but yours.
If someone gets upset because you made a decision that benefits you, then they aren’t worthy of having a space in your life. You’re being emotionally manipulated. The demands, requests, and asks become increasingly inconvenient, unreasonable, and disrespectful. They will require more time than you have to give. Along with other resources such as money, belongings, favors, and your space.
People pleasing leads to depression because you will become mentally and emotionally fatigued. Eventually you won’t be able to keep up with the demands of everyone. You’ll feel like you’re on a never ending cycle. No matter what you do or how much you give, it won’t be enough. You will deplete yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. In the long run, you may begin to question what is right, what is normal.
As your physical health declines due to lack of nutrition, sleep, fatigue, and second guessing your mental health will suffer. Your ability to think things through is no longer there. You may become short fused, you’ve probably missed time with loved ones who really care about you. Most of the timerelationships has suffered because they’ve warned you about said people.
Lastly, when you have given your soul and you have nothing left to give, those people that you thought loved you are long gone. When you are in need, you have absolutely no one to call on. That leads to a dark path of depression and anxiety. Now you are in rebuild mode, yourself and relationships you’ve lost. HAPPINESS ISN’T A DESTINATION
Love yourself first. Love you enough to know that no one that really cares about you or your wellbeing will put unreasonable demands on you. It is perfectly ok to say no. Boundaries are a necessity in every relationship. Your boundaries are promises to yourself. Trust yourself enough to get you through. Be your own best friend first and build a great relationship with yourself. That way you know what you want and expect out of others.
Most of the time we’re overwhelmed because we’re busy trying to fulfill other commitments to family, friends, and coworkers. Show up for yourself like you show up for others in your life. We feel obligated because they’re our children, spouse, boss, parent, sibling, or friend. Not in a million years do we want others to feel like we don’t want to be bothered or we don’t have time for them. But giving your all to everyone else in life, only leaves you with crumbs to feed yourself. You deserve more than that.
To show up for yourself first, take moment to feed oneself (literally and figuratively), and not being available is perfectly ok to do. If you don’t feed you first, how are you going to feed and pour into others. What do you have to offer them? Surely, not your best. You not even giving you your best self. And, guess what, it’s not even selfish to show up for you.
Will some in your life get angry, upset, or their feelings hurt, maybe. But they’ll get over it. Think about this, is it not selfish for someone to expect you to put them first over your own self? But on the other hand, that’s where communication comes in. Just give someone a call and say “hey I’m not really my best so can I come see you tomorrow?” Or, I got done with dinner late, I’ll call you tomorrow.
Sometimes we’re not able to communicate on the fly. After you’ve had your moment, you can call and say, “you know I’ve been a little overwhelmed lately sorry I missed your call.”
Either way you’ve communicated that you had needs for yourself to take care of. Most of the time we’re stressed and drained because we are trying to making everyone else feel whole. We’re not even whole and trying to make someone else whole. SELF LOVE: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
The next time you feel like you’re stretched thin, and can’t get any help, everyone is pulling at your leg, take time for yourself. However they are expecting you to show up for them, reverse and show up for yourself. You deserve it. Your overall wellbeing is depending on you.
”It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.”-Rumi
Two people can look at the same picture and see two different things. Why? Because no two persons see through the same lens. What we interpret is based upon our experiences, upbringing, background, and life circumstances. Therefore, your life’s journey is for you to walk. Not everyone will understand. But that’s perfectly ok. A hard lesson I had to learn is to not even attempt to make some people understand. In actuality, it’s not for others to understand. Just as you may not understand someone else’s lifejourney. The best thing to do is motivate and grow together. Embrace your lifejourney. Do it without regrets. Learn from the good and bad. They both are there for a reason. Be grateful for those who come along as well as those who doesn’t want to. Either way, there will be a lesson to learn. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
”Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.”-Plato
It takes a lot for someone to make a change, stick through it, and see their vision through. Any type of life altering decision will have it’s ups and downs. No one needs to hear judgement or criticism on how slow they are in reaching their goals. If a friend has a weight loss goal and doesn’t seem able to reach it by the date desired, they don’t want to hear negative feedback. Keep encouraging and motivating them to continue on with their goal. Giving unwanted or negative feedback doesn’t feel good to the person receiving it and in the long run no one feels good after giving it. Life is a journey and not a race. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER Each one of our journeys and paths takes us on different twists and turns. The more you encourage, motivate, and inspire others the more you feel motivated yourself. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!!
One of the things I’ve really been trying to do is appreciate the “small” wins in my life. Happiness doesn’t come from some grand gesture or thing. It’s built in your dailyhabits. Those small things that you do without thinking or look over is apart of the bigger happiness in your life. Here are my 5 wins this week.
Wins of the Week
Earlier in the week we did a family trip to the store and got all the school supplies the kids needed. Typically I would wait until the last minute or just pick them up a little at a time. But I wanted to do something different and take them along and let them check the stuff off the list themselves. JUST TAKE ONE DAY AND BE WORRY FREE As a bonus I was able to already have 2 backpacks ordered, still waiting on my oldest son to tell us what he wants to do.
Had a really good conversation with a childhood friend. She’s an assistant principal and I always like to check in on her to see how she’s doing as she prepares for the upcoming year. It’s been mentally challenging the last couple of years for her and we actually help each other get through the year. Also it was great catching up and picking up where we left off since the last time we talked. Great friendships are so needed right now.
Began publishing my “Mental Note Of The Day”. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY I’ve always wanted to do this but I didn’t know if anyone would want to read it. One of the best ways I get through my day is to indulge in quotes, scriptures, and passages. Then I take those small tokens and apply it to my current life situations. It helps me put things in perspective and give me inspiration to get through each day. They are little nuggets of motivation that takes one minute to read but provide an endless supply of comfort.
Had a day to go out to dinner. My youngest son had been asking us to go out to eat. So finally, we all had a day to where we were available. After not going out for a while, it was very refreshing to hang out with the kids and see where their head is before school begins. As my kids get older, I know I won’t have too many more times they’ll want to hang out. My husband and I take the chances as they come.
This week I gave myself permission to just be. The last couple of weeks, I’ve been experiencing some heart palpitations more than normal. I decided at the beginning of the week to focus on my diet, exercise, and not have a care for anything or anyone. I didn’t think I was stressing but I wanted to focus on what I can do that’s in my control. After eating clean for the week, still exercising, going to bed a little earlier, and just not worrying about what others need, think, or feel I’ve had little to no palpitations.
Those were my 5 wins of the week. I was able to have some quality familytime. Was productive in getting some things done off my list. In addition to having accomplished tasks for my blog, my hobby, and its for me. Good conversation and focused on my mental and physical health. Not every week will you be able to hit every aspect of self care. But, hitting one prong of self care is a win.
Not every week will I have 5 wins. Some weeks, I may get so overwhelmed to where I only get one or three. Either way, a win is a win. Celebrate your wins. In your next journal session talk about your win or wins of the week or day.
Self care is simple and can be done any moment of the day. In actuality, I find the more simple the activity the greater impact it have. It’s all about being mindful that you are doing something that feels good to you. Here are 10 simple activities that I intentionally attempt each day. 9 DAILY FEMININE SELF CARE HABITS TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD
Stretch. As soon as I get out of bed I have to stretch. Not only does it awaken my body, but it gets the stiffness out, and provides me with a little boost of energy. Also before and after a workout I do a good stretch. It helps relaxes me and give me a feeling of being lose.
Give Affection. I make it a point to give me kids hugs and affection from morning to night. I make sure to ask them how they are feeling when they wake up. I tell them I miss them when I pick them up for school. I think it’s missed on what a parents touch can do for a kid on a daily. I want my kids to know and feel my love.
Make My Bed. This is the easiest and quickest self care activity. Making my bed instantly makes my room look and feel tidied up. In return I’m prepping my mental to be productive throughout the day. Focusing on the small task that builds up to something greater.
Morning Coffee. Having a cup of coffee and taking my time drinking it, is one of my greatest forms of relaxation. I make sure to sit in silence and look out the window into the sunlight. I day dream, pray, meditate and just give myself a moment.
Laugh. I have to find something to laugh about. It’s good for the soul. Either on television or just finding a quick video on YouTube. Seeking good humor allows me to let lose and not take everything too seriously.
Listening to Music. In the car, at my desk, cleaning up, cooking, or working out I’m going to listen to some music. Getting in the groove helps loosen your body and give you a mental escape. If you’re having a hard time with negative thoughts put on some feel good music and escape.
Eat Green. Getting in some good veggies is key to your entire wellbeing. Not just greens, but having many colors as possible in your meals will improve your mental and emotionalwellbeing as well as physical. Eating in color is another simple self care activity that you sometimes do without thinking.
Express Gratitude. Prayer is an important part my dailylife. It just doesn’t have to be in a form of prayer. Having a conversation with someone about how grateful you are to just be able to talk is expressing gratitude. Telling the person ”thank you” in drive thru or at the checkout is expressing gratitude. The smallest act of kindness goes a long way.
Taking Vitamins. Taking my morning vitamin is a part of continuing my healthy lifestyle. If you have to take medications ensure to be consistent and follow through. Making sure we are healthy on the inside comes before what we look like on the outer.
Sleep. Your body needs sleep. The mind and brain needs sleep to function daily. The idea that you can live off little sleep is nonsense. Make sleep a priority. We can’t be as effective as we want to be if we aren’t recharging enough.
Those are just 10 simple dailyself care activities that will help you feel good, be happier, and live intentionally. Your self care needs are for you. So in whatever order you need to practice self care, how often, and where, is totally up to you. Just do what you have to do to be at peace and live in peace.
We are very capable of reciting all the bad things that took place in our week. I wanted to do something fun and talk about my 5 wins of the week. At the end of the week it’s good to reflect on the good and positive that came out of the week. They could be small or grand, either way a win is a win.
Wins of the Week
Took a lot of really good notes on ideas and topics. Because we are very slow at the office I’m able to use that time brainstorming, researching, and taking notes on potential blog posts. I have quiet in the office, free from distractions, and I can be free in my thoughts.
Maintained my cool with my mother. It’s no secret if you didn’t know that I’m in a toxic emotional abusive relationship with my mother. Most of my tears comes from her not acknowledging me and giving me the same love and attention she does my brother. But in a phone conversation this week, she was sarcastic and passive aggressive. I just let it role and didn’t say anything. I knew that would start an argument.
Hair deep condition of the week turned out amazing. I used a new conditioner (at least new to me) that I’ve never used before. It was the Garnier Whole Blends Restoring Conditioner Maple Remedy. (https://amzn.to/3IrO8le) I always would see it on the shelf and never picked it up. Well it was on sale and I was amazed at the results. Would definitely try it again.
Amazing time with the family this week. Starting with the fourth of July celebration to the ice cream splash on Friday. Keeping my committment to enjoy local festivities has been fun.
Those are my 5 wins of the week. Each week will be different and have peaks and valleys. But focus on the good and try to repeat it again each week. Before we head into this new week, take a moment and reflect on your wins. What would you like to take with you into next week?
Who doesn’t love to be pampered and get pampered? We all deserve the pleasures of feeling good and looking good. However, having treatments done head to toe can get expensive. Here are some simple things you can do to have a spa day at home. Feeling good and looking good can be achieved everyday.
Set The Mood Before beginning to pamper yourself, you must make sure your space is free and clear. Clean and tidy your home. Declutter, dust, and disinfect your space or home. Now that your physical is clean, set the mood with an aroma or scent of your choice. Candles are great options and provide aroma that will last and cover a large area of your home. You can opt for calming scents like Lavender or Vanilla. However, I love a good clean fresh scent that isn’t too harsh or loud, like fresh linen. Lastly, to set the mood, get you a beverage of choice and music. Wine, tea, coffee, water, or whatever you enjoy to make you feel good. A good choice of music, something soothing and slow. Jazz is always a good option.
Hair Everything begins with hair, right? If we are having a bad hair day, then the entire day is off. Prep your hair routine by mixing your deep conditioner first. https://amzn.to/3OLJxNf I have a bowl purchased from the dollar store specifically for this. Get your favorite deep conditioner or regular conditioner and mix in some of your favorite oils into the bowl. https://amzn.to/3AvGy7m I’ve found using a drugstore deep conditioner mixed with oils is a better treatment than going to the salon. Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean it will be more effective. Then you’re ready to wash, condition, and deep condition. After placing the deep condition onto the hair and combing through, place a shower cap on for heat activation or reuse an old plastic grocery bag. It works the same. Most of the time I allow my deep condition to set for an hour.
Face/Neck First figure out what your face and neck needs. Are you feeling dry? Do you see alot of dead skin cells and need to exfoliate? Are you experiencing large pores? What kind of facial mask do you need? I begin with removing unwanted cheek hair, chin hairs, and upper lip hairs. https://amzn.to/3OKTqL1 From cheek bones down I epilate to get rid of any unwanted tiny hairs that may have popped up. Next, cleanse with a good oil cleanser to remove dirt, makeup, and sweat. https://amzn.to/3OKrNSr Follow up with a double cleanse to remove any impurities that the oil cleanser didn’t get. https://amzn.to/3yhRmmE After that you may follow with a mask for moisture, tighten pores, or anti aging. My favorite is a good clay mask. Self Care Beauty Routine Final step after rinsing is to treat and moisturize.
Bonus Tip: Don’t forget to scrub your lips of dead skin and moisturize. https://amzn.to/3NKout1 You can purchase a lip scrub for under $5, use a toothbrush and vaseline, or just a little of your facial scrub will work as well.
Body Here you have a choice of hot shower or bubble bath. Because I have a hair mask on my hair as well as a facial mask, I’ll probably opt to hit the hot shower. Here again, what does your body need? Are you experiencing dry skin? Does your body need a good exfoliation? Using your favorite soap bar, body wash, or cleanser give your body a good lather. https://amzn.to/3urFJbITip: Between washes, because we’re going to wash up twice in the shower. Rinse your hair mask out and then your facial mask off. After that, wash up again. Because you don’t want the oils and conditioner that ran down your back to give you acne. Once out the shower, moisturize and put on something cute and comfy.
Bonus Tip: If you go to a spa or salon to groom yourself and do hair removal perfect. But, if you don’t, use this time to do an at home wax, use hair removal cream, epilate, or shave if you have to.
Feet/Hands If you are one who treat yourself to a mani/pedi weekly or biweekly, you are awesome. For my ladies that don’t, you can definetly experience it at home. Using a rubber dish tote for under $5, warm water, and foot soak you can give yourself a great pedicure. A good foot pumice stone is $3 and you can get rid of dead skin on your feet. https://amzn.to/3P6avih Lastly, don’t forget to moisturize and lock in the moisture with some cute fuzzy socks. You can opt to polish your toe nails or leave them clean after shaping and filing them. As for your hands, clean, exfoliate, and moisturize. Keep your nails filed and shaped.
There you have it. An at home spa day that didn’t cost you a car payment. You can get your money worth and use the products again. Furthermore, the amount of me time you’ve experienced with yourself is priceless and will be forever rewarding. If you are feeling like you need a pick me up, plan yourself an at home spa day to get back in tuned with yourself.