Now that I’ve been married for 16 years this September, I can honestly say it’s been a ride. A good ride, but there were some mistakes I made as a newlywed. Honestly, so many men and women make mistakes as newlyweds. It’s the growth and journey that makes it worth it. Here are 3 newlywed mistakes I made. 3 SELF CARE MISTAKES I MADE AS A STAY AT HOME MOM
Making Myself Too Available
Starting off, I wanted to make our bond, relationship, and unit as strong as possible. Going in, we both fell into our ”role” and mine was the super homemaker while he provided financially. My everyday routine and life was dedicated to ensure he didn’t have to lift a finger. There wasn’t anything for him to worry about. Even when he came home I was all ears on how his long day went. I watched whatever it is he watched to spend time with him, get interested in his interest, and to have someone to talk to. Although I was doing what I thought a wife should be, my mental and emotional needs was placed on the back burner. I felt like because I didn’t work outside the home I didn’t deserve anything. Not even a tube of lipstick.
Sometimes I would deliver him lunch at work when he wanted it. But then when I did get the guts to want to do something it was like lightening struck. He didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t there. I made him so comfortable that it was becoming codependent. One day talking to my brother he said ”stop making yourself too available”. I had never thought about it that way. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to as a wife. Now years later we have this thing figured out. When I tell him I need a break, order pizza, and figure it out for yourself, he gets it. He does whatever he needs to ensure I’m ok.
Put The Kids First
So once again I thought (or we both) top priority was taking care of the kids. Giving them the life we desired them to have. Going above and beyond to provide. There was a point I went back to school for my medical billing coding certification. The professor asked us, “who was the most important person in my life.” Without hesitation , I said my kids. He immediately responded with shock and said, ”I thought you’d say your husband.” In my head, and my husbands, we put the kids first over everything.
Well now I understand why it’s important to put your spouse first. The kids are going to be loved and cared for no matter what. But my husband was there first and he is the reason I have kids. Now we make sure to put our marriage and relationship first. We have our date nights, tell the kids we need some time together , and got rid of the guilt. We used to feel so guilty for doing something for ourselves. The kids are fine. Actually it’s better and healthy for them to see mommy and daddy loving on each other. Now they tell us go out and have a date we’ll be fine.
I Lost Me
I completely gave up everything. My dreams, hopes, and desires. Mom and wife was my title and I couldn’t have anything else. So I thought. Whatever I wanted to do, create, or start I forgot about and convinced myself I couldn’t do it. Something as simple as voicing what I wanted to eat became, ”whatever you guys want I’ll eat.” My sense of individuality was gone.
I did the bare minimum when it came to my appearance. I didn’t play in makeup, workout as much, watch my diet, read, write, or any other hobbies I desired. Don’t get me wrong, I dreamed like crazy. It was burning inside me, but I didn’t pursue anything. Now I completely made up for it, because when I did start I dabbled in everything. It makes for a better relationship and marriage.
Those are just 3 mistakes that I made in the beginning of my marriage. We have this idea or is taught to be a certain way. When the right way is what you and your partner decides. Just like life, marriage is a journey. Who you were at the beginning isn’t who you are year 3, year 7, or year 15. It’s about growth, communication, and understanding it’s a never ending road.
Be well on your journey.
Be you so you can be free.