One of the biggest parts of healing and growing is realizing you have the right to make choices and to not feel guilty about them. Often times, we beat ourselves up for doing things or creating boundaries to protect us because it may not be the most comfortable decision. However, we shall not feel guilty for protecting our peace, mental, and emotionalwellbeing. Through my process here are 15 things I had to stop feeling guilty for and give myself some grace.
Those are a few things that I had to stop feeling guilty for. I have to remind myself all the time, life is a journey. There will be twist and turns as I travel. With each step I will learn, grow, and become a better person. GROWTH CAN LOOK LIKE… Even on the the bumpy parts of the road. That’s when you learn the most about yourself. It is so freeing to be able to make yourself feel good without worrying if someone is going to feel uncomfortable.
We see it all the time, “be good to yourself”, “be kind to yourself”. The interpretation is that it takes a lot of money, fancy material things, or a perfect life. When in actuality it’s the simple dailyhabits you do for you that is the most beneficial. Trust me, I was one of those that didn’t think the small things mattered. But as I do them everyday and multiple times a day, it is the best free form of therapy. 7 JOURNAL PROMPTS FOR A GOOD WEEK
Rest. Simple enough right. Living off 2 hours of sleep doesn’t do anyone good. I remember years ago when everyone was talking grinding and getting no sleep. That is nonsense. Your body and mind needs rest to recharge. Give yourself a cut off time for work. Make a day where you do nothing but binge something on the tube. Rest yourself. Everyone will benefit from it.
Take a day off. No longer do I feel guilty for taking a day or even a half a day. Sometimes you just need to unplug and log off. Have a moment without the kids home, or your spouse. Sit in silence and in peace. Use your PTO. Sometimes you just need a break from work. I know the weekend or the 2 days off you may get isn’t enough for me sometimes.
Eat yourself some colors. If you need some inspiration, Pinterest will give you all the recipes you need to expand your pallet and not get bored with the same dishes over and over again. If you can’t eliminate certain foods completely, just cut back. Simply cutting back on sugar, salt, and processed foods will make a huge difference in how your body feels.
Read, journal, pray, meditate. Whatever you need to center yourself, DO IT. There is so much power in focusing our minds on the positive filling up that mental health bank. Daily practices of mental and emotionalself care will have your mental health bank so full that when you do need to withdraw from it, there won’t be a dent in it. Find something that works for you.
Don’t compare yourself. Your journey is your journey. Just because someone else’s journey may appear smoother and better doesn’t mean the aren’t walking a bumpy road. Live your journey and only yours. What’s meant for you will find it’s way to you when it’s the right time. Sometimes we can be given gifts at the wrong time in life, and we’ll lose it because we weren’t ready for it and didn’t know how to handle it.
Move your body. Along with eating colorful, moving your body will help eliminate many health problems. I know as I’ve grown I have to get up and stretch because my body just gets stiff. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. But just work muscles and move your body to get the blood flowing better.
Those are some daily good for you habits that can be done anytime. Being good to you, doesn’t require much. You deserve to feel good inside and out. Sometimes no matter what someone does for us, we just have to make our own self feel good. Be good to you. You deserve it.
Life itself is a privilege, but to livelife to the fullest-well, that is a choice.”- Andy Andrews
We all literally have the power to make our life what we want. Who is stopping us. Fear, money, approval from others, embarrassment to make certain choices, and life circumstances are all reasons we don’t fully live the life we want. Then on the other hand I see those that pick up and move to another state because they want to start over or that was always a dream of theirs. Then there is those that quit their secure paying job with benefits to start their business or fulfill their dream. I’ve spoken to clients who says they are buying an RV and just going to travel around and wherever they end up that’s where they’ll be until they are ready to go. I admire those. Because so often we’re told to have our ducks in a row. We can do everything right. Save and have an emergency fund. Plan the right time to buy that home, have a kid, switch careers, and go on vacation. But what I know to be true is, life never stops. There are going to be some things that throws a wrench in our plans. You have every right to live your ONE life how you see fit. There aren’t any do overs here. You can make the choices you want to live the life you want. You only get one life. We can’t even do over a day, hour, or minute. Don’t let fear and other factors stop you from taking that leap of faith. FEAR IS A WASTE OF TIME You can start over as many times as you can. It’s better to try to see how that dream plays out than to always think about the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s. Enjoy the rest of your day.
I’ve been working on my mentalmindset lately. I know everything starts with the mental. What I think I will become. My mind controls everything down to my toes. It’s important to know and understand the power your mind has. Creating a positive mindset and having dailyhabits to keep it on the positive track will help for more happy days. Unfortunately, we just can’t wake up and say I have a positive mindset. The mind has to be exercised daily.
Keep your expectations low. The more you expect, the greater chance you’ll be let down. Expecting others to do what you do, give what you give, or respond how you’d respond will have you disappointed every time.
You’ve survived every bad day you thought you had. With that sheer fact, you are a winner. So guess what, you can grow and heal through anything.
What you tell yourself matters. Think highly and abundantly of yourself. Instead of saying I am not qualified, tell yourself you haven’t accessed the skills yet needed. The words you tell yourself matters more than any one else’s words. 10 MENTAL HEALTH REMINDERS
Each day wake up with the expectation that something good is going to happen to you, with you, and for you. Go into each day knowing you’re going to be blessed with something off your wish list.
You are equipped and have everything you need to be the best version of you. You don’t lack anything. You have been filled with what you need. You want to know why? There is only one you. No one has what you have or can be you.
Master the art of remaining emotionally calm. Do not respond emotionally. It will lead you astray. Our emotions are temporary. Therefore, we shouldn’t make long term decisions off temporary emotions.
It is ok to have a bad day. We all are going to wake up one day and just not be in the mood. As long as you don’t let that dictate your outcome. The next day is a fresh start.
Nurture you mind, soul, heart, and body daily. You have to take care of yourself inside and out everyday. Show yourself some love so you can give love and receive love.
Give yourself some grace. Be patient with yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have.
Those are 10 daily reminders that keep my mental in a state of abundance. Consistently feed your mind with positive thoughts, images, and reminders to build that bank up. So when you do have a bad day, the bank is in overflow and you won’t lack.
”Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements gained slowly over time. -John Maxwell
The one thing that I’ve come to know and understand is consistency. You hear it often when reading self help books, listening to podcast, and every motivational speaker has spoken about being consistent. Well I get it now. And it’s not so much of being consistent in just practicing mental health. But in every day life and in every aspect of life. Something as simple as, being consistent on flossing your teeth every day leads to better oral health. Thus preventing diseases and long term effects on your teeth and gums. We hear it all the time in skin care. Having a consistent regimen is key to healthy, glowing, youthful looking skin. Maintaining good eating habits and exercising regularly are always constant with being consistent. When at work, you have to be consistent to perform and produce. 8 FEEL GOOD SELF CARE ACTIVITIES No matter what component of life it is, remaining consistent in the small habits builds character, stamina, results, health, and wealth. Yes, we all will stumble. But when you get back on both feet and are stable, remain consistent. Just because we stumble or see something is working for someone else, doesn’t mean we should try it or not continue to do what has worked for us. You know what works for you and what you’re good at. Stay consistent in your dailyroutinelifestylehabits. The fruits of your labor will pay off. Have a great day!!!!!
The new year always bring some seasonalanxiety and depression. The pressure to have this grand resolution or fresh start can be overwhelming. First you don’t have to have those grand resolutions. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY: NEW YEAR EDITION However, it is normal to feel like you want to have an outline of intentions, thoughts, views, or feelings about the upcoming year. Growth is good. Change is good. And we should want to be better, think better, do better, have better, and live better. To relieve some of that pressure, do some journal writing to get your mind flowing with ideas.
New Year Writing Prompts
What do I need more of that I didn’t get last year or not enough of?
The one thing I would like to learn from that happened last year is?
I would like to start, stop, and continue….
What are 3 things I need to prioritize?
What areas do I need to give myself some grace in?
What are things I need to let go of that are holding me back?
What are my intentions for myself?
How do I want to be loved or supported this year?
What can I do to be more loving and supportive this year?
Those are 23 journal writing prompts to help ease some of your anxiety. Be as detailed as possible. Take your time. As you write you’ll learn more about yourself, your desires, and goals. The more we write the more we expand and open our minds to endless possibilities. Happy Writing!!!!!!!
“Just a reminder that you don’t have to make resolutions. Or huge decisions. Or big proclamations. You can just set some sweet intentions and take each day as it comes.” Victoria Erickson
Please don’t feel the pressure to make some grand resolutions or major life changes. Typically any kind of lifestylechange or habit has to be developed. You don’t just wake up one day and say I’m going to start this and sustain that resolution long term. Hence, why most new year resolutions don’t make it past the end of January. To begin anything, you have to make a commitment mentallyfirst. Instead create small goals, tasks, and intentions that you can stick to for a while and then add as you go. 10 NEW YEAR SELF CARE HABITS FOR A FRESH START The small dailyself care habits and intentions are what builds up to a major lifestylechange. The last couple weeks of December I made a commitment to speak at least 3-5 affirmations aloud to myself in the mirror every morning. Sometimes I will do it in the middle of the day and before I go to bed. This gives me the mentalmindset to remain positive, calm, and take action throughout the day to reach my goals. Setting small intentions for the day or week is easier attainable than long term goals. Instead of saying I’m going to lose 20lbs this month, commit to “I will work out 20 minutes 3x a week.” You’ll find that is easier to follow through with. Sometimes we can bite off more than we can chew. Which leads to discouragement, then eventually not doing anything at all. Think about one thing you want to accomplish this year and focus on that. My word this year is self awareness. I had many moments of self reflection and light bulb moments toward the end of the year that enlightened me on how I show up. I want to continue that to ensure my relationships, career, and life is fulfilled with the intentions I set out to achieve and possess. Enjoy each day, each moment, have no regrets, and be the best you, you can be each day. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!
”I stopped telling myself that I’m lost. I’m not. I’m on the road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there. I’m not lost, I’m on my way.”- Ahunnaya
You’re not lost, you’ve suppressed who you really are and want to be for the comfort of others. You feel lost because you are trying to do what is “normal” instead of what your heart truly desires. Fear has you feeling lost. Fear of rejection, disappointment, disapproval, and failure. You don’t need to find yourself. Reach down and access the real you. Let the real you come up and shine bright like you were meant to when you were created in your mothers womb. We often get lost because we’re running from what’s deep within. 10 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPIER Are you living for you or for others. As we celebrate the holidays and approach the New Year, make a commitment to access the real you. Live where you want to live. Dress how you want to dress. Wear your hair how you want to wear it. Go after that dream that you’ve been dreaming of for years. Whatever you have buried down to comfort others or yourself, now is the time. It’s been long enough. I can say when I stopped owning labels that was placed on me by my family and lived for me, it’s been totally freeing. When I went after the position I had been thinking of for years, that my family told me wasn’t a good idea, it’s been the best move and decision I made this year. Is it tough in the beginning, absolutely. But betting on you, you will win every time. You won’t let yourself down. Instead of saying I’m lost, tell yourself I’m ready for you to step to the front and be your true self. Have a great day.
So many of us are about to visit family and friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Yes it’s fun, exciting, and a huge emotional release to be around loved ones. There’s no doubt about the comfort, joy, and peace our love ones provide. However, this Thanksgiving, go where you can be yourself comfortably.
In previous years it had pained me to see some family members attempt to give an illusion of themselves throughout the entire weekend. From the time they arrived on Wednesday night until they left Sunday we had to hear about everything that made them feel better.
The endless conversations about their cruises and vacations, the kind of clothes or designers they only like to wear, where they like to shop, the activities they do with their kids, and what they are doing next. But never really showed interest in anyone else’s adventures. Finally, in the most sincere way I could, I told them they didn’t have to prove themselves to anyone. When it comes to those who say they love you, you don’t have to try to be more than what you are. You alone are enough.
Then last week I spoke to a friend who said they were going to Thanksgiving with their husband but didn’t really want to go because of the family dynamic.
Don’t go anywhere where you are emotionally uncomfortable. Or be in a position where you are walking on egg shells.
If you have been invited to spend time with others this holiday, great. On the other hand, if that gut instinct of yours is having you not wanting to go, making excuses on not to go, or making excuses up to leave early, then you ought to rethink the invitation. Go where you can be yourself comfortably.
A place that makes you feel like you can breathe, you can have good conversation, enjoy food, and laughter.
This week I decided to set myself some expectations. Each day I wake up and get so into routine and habit that I forget to just be sometimes. Yes, routines and habits are good. However, living and just being is equally important. Also I’m trying to check some gifts off the list that the kids gave us as well as for others. Lastly, still settling in on my new position and not let that take too much of my mental space.
Sunday: I slept in. Late summer I transitioned into a new position and it has tested me to no end. MENTAL NOTE OF THE DAY It was a little rough Friday, but after a pep talk and break I was ready to go. This weekend I realized I needed to give myself some grace and relax. My routine became so solid that I really hadn’t been giving myself a day off. Saturday and Sunday I would work around the house, do errands, and clean. Before I know it, I’ve literally worked 7 days a week. So the goal this weekend was to give myself some days off. It started yesterday when “I let the day come to me.” Thus continuing today. I’m not “working” today. It’s the sabbath. I’ve already went and got me a latte. Now I’m going to sit down and watch football. Later in the evening left overs was on the menu, I worked out, and finished relaxing. After giving myself permission and grace to relax not only my body, but my mind I’m ready for the start of the week.
Monday: I’m going into this work week still giving myself some grace. Instead of trying to hit my 5 milestones I’m going to focus on the one ahead. I’ve made the mistake the last two weeks trying to accomplish every milestone at once. We are given six weeks to accomplish them, however in my mind I have to accomplish them all at once. Because I know I can accomplish them I’m just rushing myself to get there. But anyway, morning routine went well. Temperatures are extremely cold. However, my teenagers don’t believe in winter coats and it pains me. Later on today we are expecting our first couple inches of snow. Of course we’re getting sleet first, then freezing temps, and then full snow flakes. Which makes road conditions terrible. After work, I decided to do a quick tidy round up because I’m trying to preserve weekends off, for that, being off. So in my mind if I do a round up 20-30 minutes after I get off I’m good to go. During that time I had dinner cooking so when I’m done, I could workout and turn in early. My plan for the evening went as planned, however I stayed up a little late watching the snow fall. It was the pretty soft snow flakes. We ended up getting more than expected.
Tuesday: Waking up to the first snow day feels weird. It doesn’t feel like it’s that time of the year but it is. Morning starts off great and heading into work I’m feeling good. I decided to take off after lunch time. It’s something my husband and I do every so often. We’ll either take a full day off together or a half a day. Just to be together. Typically do our coffee run at our favorite cafe. Had a meeting that went pretty well at work today and made some plans for the near future. School wasn’t cancelled even though we received more snow than expected. It’s still cold and the older I get I can’t handle it like I used to. After work I decided to do some errands, cook, couple loads of laundry, workout, and I was able to turn in by 9. Lately I had to give myself a bed time or end time. I chose 9pm. Whatever isn’t done, said, or happened has to wait until the next day. So far that has been working for me. The only thing that has my hands itching, is my desire to put up my Christmas decorations. For some reason Christmas is getting out there early. The commercials, Black Friday ads and sales, and some has started decorating their homes, has me wanting to put mine up. But I’ll let thanksgiving have its time.
Wednesday: So the last couple of days I’ve been have trouble with congestion at night and in the morning. It is the most nerve racking thing. But other than that, my mornings have been great. Each morning I make sure to put myself into a state of doing what I can and not over working myself. The kids have a half day today. We’re finalizing our Thanksgiving plans this week as it quickly snuck up on us. After work I made a quick errand to pick up the rest of my husband birthdaygift. The kids were in relax mode and didn’t want to hang out. After he got off work we decided to go make some errands and visit my aunt before it was time for my son to get off work. We have been doing great so far, even started Christmas shopping early. I decided to give my body a break and not work out. Later in the evening after leaving my aunts house and picking up my son, I took me a hot bath, read a couple articles(I’ve been enjoying great inspirational and motivational articles on mahogany.com), and put head to pillow.
Thursday: I’m giving myself some grace today and taking the second half of the day off. It is my husband birthday. He has a meeting so I’m going to get the kids from school and prepare for dinner. We have dinner plans tonight as well as parent teacher conferences. Work went well. I had a great meeting with my coach today. Making the decision in my mind to change my mindset, has really helped me transition fully into this position. It’s still brutally cold out. But later while waiting for my husband to return from his meeting I folded some loads, did a quick tidy around the house, and prepared for the weekend. Later in the evening we had a great dinner. My husband enjoyed his gifts and a night out. Once back home we had cake before capping the night off to bed. This last couple of weeks I’ve added some tips, tricks, and items to my night routine. The family as a whole fell ill to the seasonal bug. For some reason mine has decided to linger and I needed help to relax and breathe at night. Dr. Teals Aromatherapy Sleep Wellness Candle, Dr Teals Body Wash with Pure Epsom Salt Sleep Bath with Melatonin and EssentialOils, and oil diffuser with Eucalyptus oil. Those combined has helped me relax, get some sleep, and rest. The body wash I usually use as bubble bath. I typically would light the candle about an hour before I plan to lay down right before my skincare night routine and bath/shower. That way the candle has had time to fill the room.
Friday: It’s a great morning as we round off a good week. The kids are excited because they have an entire week off for the Thanksgiving holiday. However, my oldest son isn’t feeling the best. But he wants to tough it out because he has a couple of tests today. He still thinks he can go out in single digits every morning with just a hoodie on. So far my work day is great, my meeting with my coach is great, and I’m settling into my position. The plan is to clean this weekend to pull out the Christmas tree. I like to have the tree out for about a week before decorating to let it naturally fall. Later in the evening we decided to get some dinner and relax. The kids wanted to relax and it’s still brutally cold out.
Saturday: Again I’m giving myself some grace. I aloud myself to slowly wake up and get out of bed. I usually get up, get dressed, and get to working on my weekendroutine. WEEKEND SELF CARE TO DO LIST I always like to use the weekend to do little projects like clean a closet, clean the fridge, clean out cabinets, or shred mail. Along with doing the usual cleaning around the home. But today I said I was going to give myself some time to let the day come and do what I can. That’s exactly what I did. It felt good and I was able to proceed with the day as it came. However I was able to accomplish getting 2 more Christmas gifts. I have this goal to be done shopping kinda early. Because my kids are older the list is smaller and all they want to do is hang out. One of the biggest things I’m learning in my new position is to set expectations. We set expectations with clients, with supervisors, coaches, and in meetings. My expectations I set for myself this week was to give myself some grace. Get a couple gifts checked off the list and stick to my cut off time at night. I’m glad I was able to accomplish that without guilt. If you’re wanting to make some adjustments or change some habits set yourself some expectations. I’m ready to head into next week with some expectations.
Have a great week!!!!!!!
P.S. Weekly blog is designed to show the realistic day in the life of a mom, wife, and working professional balancing life, the kids, work, marriage, and herself.